Masquerade (The Story Of Us Part 2)
by AlexKinsey1910
Summary: Sequel 2 Secrets & Lies. Cas cums home. Gab n Jo have problems. Dean creates a new secret while adding 2 da old. Gab lies 2 Cas n Cas wants Dean back. Crazy right and that is in the 1st few chaps. So Join our fav 4sum 4 one unforgettable summer. This is a whole new story that takes part between the original part 1 & 2. Sam might show up
1. Chapter 1 Gabriel

**Hello and welcome to part 2. I hope you enjoy. Thank you to those who reviewed on the finally story, You are the reason i wrote new story. I should tell you i don't think i will be updating so fast this time around, It looks like i might update once a week. I am pretty sure that is what is going to happen. ****I promise to update once a week. above anything else.**

**Don't forget to review. Reviewing motivates me. **

**Shout out to Sonya your review help name the story. Hope you enjoy. Shout out to my reviews Satan. You have been though this with me twice i hope you love it and like the changes, I promise a new original story with this.**

**Okay here is the next Chapter it might be from Gabriel pov but it will tell you a lot about Cas or Cassie as he calls him. **

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**Part 2 I did ...love you and in some i still do **

**C****hapter 1 Gabriel **

I hate seeing my brother this way. I can't help but think this this kind of my fault. I did pressure Dean into doing this. I wanted Dean to break up with him and I have my reasons, but I never believed it be this bad. Dean listen to me and now Cassie has become someone I never thought I recognized.

All summer he has walked around the house like a zombie. He is even starting to smell like one. I have to make him shower. What the hell has happen? Yes Cassie had his little break down, but I thought he would recover. I would have never if I thought he couldn't. I mean come on. What has happen has happen back in June and it is now August. Two months has pass and there still is no change in him. Cassie listens to the same song over and over again. He listens to The Script. I don't know if you ever heard of them. They're an Alternative Rock Band from Ireland. I personally do not like them but a lot of people from our town do. Cassie happens to be one. He keeps listen to the same song; Exit Wound. I mean yeah I like a couple of their songs but come on.

This has got to end. He is supposed to leave for school in like two days yet he claims he is not going. I did not risk our relationship for him to drop out of school before he even starts. I swear I will be damned. I will not let Dean dictate his life. He deserves the best out of life and as you and god as my witness, I will be the one to make sure he gets it. I just wonder how I am going to do it.

I am standing at his door listening to that damn song on repeat trying to figure out a game plan. I wish my Cotton was here with me, but she is getting ready to move in at The University of Kansas. Plus she kind of doesn't know about me and Dean's arrangement. Okay so I should catch you up before I go into his room.

Dean sent Cassie a letter to break up with him. Cassie cried in my arms for like three hours until he fell asleep. Yes you heard me right he cried himself to sleep. He slept through the whole night. I guess he was tired in more ways than one. My brother has always been strong even when he was heartbroken but I guess he reached his breaking point. I can't blame him especially since I had a hand in doing so.

So I watched him through the night. I didn't get any sleep. I thought he might have night terrors again, but he didn't. He slept through the night. When he woke up, I saw a change in him. He looked like he had barely gotten any sleep, even though he slept like eighteen hours. I'm not going to lie I took pity on him. You would too if you saw him. His skin looked dry; his lips were so chapped that he actually looked dehydrated. His oh so blue eyes that I use to be jealous of, yes I was jealous of his blue eyes. Balthazar and I are both actually jealous that his eyes look like the sky. I would say the ocean but from what I have seen the ocean isn't as blue. Maybe if you are in Florida or other parts of the country.

Okay basically he looked like shit and he didn't help his image all summer. He has barely eaten or drank anything. It didn't help all summer that I had to make him eat at least once a day. It's like he is five years old again and we share a room. See when we were five and six he use to have nightmares or something along the lines where I use to have to actually sleep in the bed with him. You night not understand what that has to do with anything so I will tell you. Basically I am watching over him until whatever he is feeling has passed. With the way things are going now I might be watching over him until we are in our thirty's.

Did I mention he has barley said two words to me since he got the letter? Yeah it's true. He says things like yes, no and okay. If I ask him a question like; Hey Cassie how are? He says I am fine. If I ask do you want something to eat? He will say no? That's when I have to force him. I have tried bringing up him getting out there and getting over Dean , but once I take one look at him I fold. I can't do it. I am partly the reason he is feeling such heart break. Hey, if you think it's all my fault then you must not know Dean. He has his own mind. If he really didn't want to end things with Cassie and if he really loved him then he would have went against me. He spent years pissing me off about the way he treated my brother and he chooses now to listen to me.

If you are wondering if Dean and me are still friends the answer is yes. I know it seems crazy, but the only reason we are still friends is because he actually listened to me. What type of person would I be if I tell him to break up Cassie and then I cut him off? Part me wants to but I can't for so many reasons. First I can't because I ask him. I know that one is obvious, but there are other reasons. The second is because he is Jo's cousin. If I am going to be with her then I have to deal with him. I mean come on they are close, but not as close lately. I will get to that later. Third Dean is my friend. Why we are friend remains a mystery but he is. I said long ago I wouldn't take sides when they first got together. Even if Dean broke up with him on his own I would still have to be his friend because I promised one drunken night we would be friend no matter what. I don't know about you but I never break a promise. Just like when I promised Cassie I would always be here for him no matter what.

When I promised that I meant I would always do what was best for him, even if he didn't like. If that means he would hate me then so be it, but our mother died and someone had to look out for him. Even if that means him having a broken heart and me having to force feed him and force him into anything else. What I am doing is for the best.

Speaking of forcing him, I am standing in the door way of his room watching him. He is just lying there on his bed looking at the ceiling. He has a TV, stereo, and computer in his room and I swear they are all collecting dust. Even his book case has dust on it. Look my brother is a neat freak, He is neater than me. I can go a couple days seeing dust on a surface but he can't. Soon as he sees a single speck of dust, there he is cleaning it .But, now his room looks like some abandon old house. He use to read but doesn't. I'm not lying his kindle even has dust. His TV which he use to watch his show and movies on like; Star Trek, How I Met Your Mother, Star Wars, True Blood, Game of Thrones, and Army Wives, he doesn't watch anymore. No lie he hasn't watched TV all summer. He just looks at the blank screen which I much like he is doing now.

Please do not get me started on his bed sheets. He has had the same sheets on his bed for like a month. When he changed them a month ago I thought he was making progress but after a week pass I realize he have liked the smell. See Cassie doesn't go longer than a week with the same sheets. Yeah he did change them after him and Dean did things, but now it's like he is hoping to smell him. I say this because I swear when he changed his bedding he put old sheet on it. I wouldn't put it past him. I tried laying in his bed a few time and they just smelled all types of wrong.

I am starting to think there was no hope for him. I am starting to think he was going to stay like this. I mean he is lying on his back staring at the ceiling with tears in his eyes. He doesn't cry because he thinks it's too weak and he has already showed too much weakness. I think he might actually stay like this. He might actually hold everything in. Not once has he told me how he is feeling. Yes I have asked. I have asked him so many times. I have asked him so many times I think I am starting to sound like a girl.

I got so tired of asking him that I asked Jo to talk to him. She wanted to talk to him at first but I convinced her to let me handle it. After a while I gave up, thinking he would talk to her I let her loose. I thought it would work but it didn't. She did try talking to him but all he did was stare into space. He did say something's though. He said things like, I'm fine and I don't want to talk about it.

Once Jo took a look at him, her attitude towards Dean changed. She was already mad when she found out he broke up with Cassie via letter but once she laid eyes on him she became furious. I was actually there when she cursed him out. I cannot tell you what she said. If I did I would feel ashamed, dirty, and any other word you can think of. Yeah their relationship has taken another hit. He refuses to tell her why he broke up with her. Whenever she asks, he just says he has his reasons, which just frustrates her. Sometimes I think she is madder at the fact that she doesn't know then Dean actually break up with Cassie. I love her though.

On the other hand, Dean and I relationship is so much different now. Both Jo and Cassie think I hate him. Yes it's what you might be thinking. Dean and I are pretending to be fighting. The day after Dean sent the letter I texted him to meet me at the park. We talked about how to handle this situation while I dodged his questions on why I forced him into breaking up with Cassie. Like I have said I have my reasons. Okay so back to what we agreed. We are still friends but we are just pretending to be in the middle of a fight. Of course he was against it, but after I pointed out he pretended to be straight for four years and that I was pretty sure he could fake this, he had nothing else to say. I love it when I troupe him. He can be so self-righteous at times.

So me and him are fake fighting. Cassie knows but being the zombie that he has become, he hasn't said anything to me about it. I told him how we got in a big "fight." I told him about that I was mad about the way he has treated him and that I ended our friendship and all he said was okay. Just okay, anytime I tell him anything about anything he always has something to say but he didn't. He just said okay. Where the hell is my brother? I miss him and I want him back.

So that is what I have been though the whole summer. I start school in two weeks and he has to leave for Cornell in like thirty six hours. He is all pack up thanks to me. I spent the last week packing his things. I don't think he even noticed. He is all pack and ready to go. Everything is a go except him. Me packing him brings me to now.

I am standing at his door listening to the painful silence trying to figure out what to say. I thank god that the song has stopped but I hate the quite. I am use to him being quiet but this is too much. He would have said something by now. I need to get him ready to go but how? I have been thinking about this for a week and yet I have come up with shit. How do I tell him to get over it and move on? I have been over it so many ways in my head and they all sound heartless. There is no easy way to talk to him. I just have to talk from the heart and hope he doesn't see though me. I am not ready for him to hate me.

"Cassie" I say so lightly as I eased my way into his room. There is no answer. I don't wait for him to respond if I do then I will be waiting a long time. "Hey, what you doing?" I ask as I step in to see him lying on his back looking at the ceiling. I haven't been I his room in like four hours and nothing has changed.

"Thinking" He says so dry. I bet he is thinking. I bet I know what he is thinking about. I would bet my whole trust fund on it.

"It looks like it." I say as I walk over to his bed. I stand there for a minute looking at him. He looks bad. He is almost a skeleton. I really underestimated how much he loved Dean. I knew he really loved him but I think that maybe it's more than I realized. Yes I am now coming to this conclusion. Don't judge me.

"Yeah" he says as I climb into bed with him. I lay next to him looking at the ceiling. I want to know what is so interesting. Maybe I missed something.

"So" I say trying to get to the point. I made up my mind I am not going to beat around the bush. I did that all summer and it has gotten me nowhere. I just hope he doesn't feel attacked.

"So" he says like he is asking a question. This might not go as planned. Then again there was no plan. I fail to come up with one.

"School starts in like the day after tomorrow." I say still looking up. Was that the right thing to say?

"Yeah it does." He says like he is uninterested. Okay it might not have been the right thing but it was the wrong thing.

"Are you ready?" I ask after a few minutes of silence. He was never a talkative person but damn it I need him to say something.

"I'm not going." He responses. My god this is progress. This is the most I have gotten out of him. Then again I never brought up school.

"Why not?"

"What's the point?" What' s the point? There are so many points. Like him having a career, like him meeting new people. It gives him something to do.

"You trust fund?" I say trying to find the most neutral thing I can think about. Money gets anybody attention. That is what runs the world.

"I don't care about that." He says as he refuses to look at me.

"Okay, you might not care about that but what about the experience?" I say hoping it will get him thinking.

"What experience?" he says after a long pause. "You mean the experience of me going to the same school as Dean. The same guy who broke up with me in a letter and since he did that I have to watch him be with other girls. Since then I have to watch him go on like his life is perfect while I am in hell. …. No thanks I have already done that." What he is saying is sad. It really is but he is starting to open up, now I have to just ease my way into it.

"It won't be like that?' I say looking at him as I turn my body.

"Won't it." He says finally looking at me. I wish he hadn't. His eyes are so sad they almost make me want to cry.

"No it won't." I say looking into them.

"Why not? I have to go to the same college with him and see him. I will see him around campus pretending to be something he isn't. I will see him and know there is nothing to do to change his mind? Wait pause. He wants to change his mind?

"Change his mind?" I ask wanting to know more.

"Yes Gabriel. Dean loves me. He has told me so many time including him breaking up with me. He loves me but doesn't want to be with me. How can I change that?" he says so sad. I am starting to feel a little bit of regret. Just a little, most me is still feeling like it's for the best.

"Is that what you have been thinking about this whole time? How you can change his mind?"

Cassie looks away for minute like he is thinking. I swear his eyes got a little wet. It took a minute before he answered. "Yes"

"So what did you come up with?" I ask a little hesitant. I was almost afraid to ask.

"Nothing" he says like he had been holding it for a while. He looks like he about to break again. Damn it I have on my good shirt.

"Nothing" I repeat. Shocked and glad my shirt won't have tear stains.

"Yes nothing. There is nothing I can do? Okay, I have gone though it in my head over and over again. I have tried to figure out what happen but I can't think of anything? So now I am faced with the actually fact that I have to attend college with him. I can't face him. I just can't. I love him but he doesn't want to be with me.

Now is the time. I have to tell him. I never told him I arranged for him to go to Cornell. I thought he would be mad but now I am thinking he might welcome it.

"What if I told you that you didn't have to go to school with him?" I say hoping he like the idea.

"Why even ask that?" He says looking dead in my eyes. The look he gives me tells me that he is pissed off at me for even bring it up.

"I ask because there might be hope."

"There is no hope. I go either to The University of Kansas, get a job and forfeit my trust, or join the service. I really don't want to any of those things, but I have no other options.

"What if there was a fourth option." I say as he finally gets out of bed.

"There isn't" He says standing up looking at me.

"But there is." I say getting out of his god awful smelly bed. I am so happy he got up. The smell was giving me a headache.

"I don't understand." He says looking at me from across his bed.

"Okay what I need to tell you something, but if I tell you can't get mad and know I was I only did this for you."

"I don't know" he says so unsure it's giving me a headache.

"Tell me you won't get mad." I say so forceful.

"Okay" he says after a few minutes of deliberating.

"Okay" I say taking a deep breath. "Look when you got accept into Cornell I sent off the paper work saying you would be attending"

I stand there waiting for a response. I stand there with him just looking at me. This is one of the few times I can't read his mind. I think my nerves are getting the best of me. I was prepared for him to be mad but not this soon. I thought I had at least four years.

"You did that?' he says with a smile. After going so long without him smiling his smile looks creepy.

"Yes" I say as he walks around the bed. He stops like two inched from me. He studies my face before he just stands there smiling at me right before he hugs me.

"Thank You" He says holding me tight.

"You're welcome" I say hugging him back.

"I don't know how and I don't think I want to know how or even why but I am just grateful you did this. " He says breaking our hug to look at me. His eyes aren't the same shade of blue but they are brighter than what I have become use to.

"Just know I did it for you." I say as we rest our hands on each other shoulder.

"Thank you Gabriel." he says with a smile. As quick as he smiled it disappeared from his face as he looks away. His eyes turn the same dark and pale color I have been seeing all summer.

"What is it?" I ask knowing there is more he has to say.

"I was just thinking….If I leave I might not ever come back." He says looking at me. He looks at me with such shame. It's the same shame I should be feeling.

Cassie leaving this time is different. It's not like before. I know he is serious this time. It's not really like the last time. I know if he leaves I might not ever get him back. At least not like before. It sucks and I don't want him gone but I also want him to be happy. Who am I to stop that? I am happier than I ever been, why shouldn't he be.

"I know" I say as I squeeze both of his shoulders to let him know it's okay.

"You know" He says surprised.

"Yes I do, but it's okay. Go to New York and start a new life and never look back, but don't ever forget to visit me and Jo every once and a while." I say smiling at him.

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**So what did you think of the first chapter.**

**Do you feel bad for Cas?**

**Do you Wonder what is going though Dean's head. Spoilers... Dean pov is next.**

**Are you mad at Gabriel?**

**How the hell is Cas and dean and Cas going to meet again?**

**Tell me what you think and i will be back next week? **

**follow me on twitter akinsey_dawrite **


	2. Chapter 2 Dean

**Hello hello. How is everyone tonight. I hope you all doing well. Any who I am back with another chapter. I hope you like and I hope it raises some question for you guys that I will gladly answer in later chapters.**

**Don't forget to review. Tell me what you think. Reviews motivate me. **

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**Chapter 2 Dean **

"Found it" My girlfriend of three months Anna yells as she comes out her closet. Yes I have a girlfriend. I know what you are thinking but before you make your comments let me explain. Just hear me out and then you are free to make your comments and judge.

Okay so I haven't seen or talked to Cas in eleven months. At first I was a wreck. Breaking up with him will always be one of the hardest things I ever have to do. I didn't want to end things with him. I wanted to love him for as long as he would let me, but I ended things with him because I love him.

He was willing to give up his hopes and dreams just to be with me. Now Cas giving up an Ivy League school might not seem like a big deal but it is. From the time I met up until about we were sixteen that is all he talked about. He talked about going there like his mother, majoring in something amazing and making her proud. He would bean whenever he talked about it. It was the one thing he was sure he wanted to do in life. How can I let him give that up.

Yes Gabriel bought it to my attention and yes I tried to find a way around but when it came down to it there was only one option. I had to let him go alone. I thought about going with him but I wouldn't have been happy. If I had gone with him I wouldn't have been able to attend college. It might not seem like it but going to college is important to me too. I always wanted to live on campus and take part in the new experiences. If I had gone to New York with him it would have been like that. Cornell isn't in New York City it's more like upstate New York.

If I moved with him I would have to give up school while he is there. I know if I really love him then it would be worth it, but again it's not that easy. Giving up going to college would mean I could end resenting him one day. I never want to feel that way about him. So logically I did the only I could. I had to let him go.

Now you must be wondering why I did it the way I did. Look leaving him a letter wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to do it face to face. Actually I hand a like two speeches planned out in my head. One was me telling the truth. I was going to tell him that I love him but I couldn't let him give up everything for me. I was going to tell him that he needed to go away to school and we couldn't be together because long distance relationships never work out. Yes there are some of you who might think different but let's face it nine times out of ten they don't. Plus with our history one of us might have messed up somewhere in the future ruining my relationship.

I thought about telling him that and I even thought about what he would say to me. I know what he would have said to me He would have said what he has told be before. He loves me and if it's good enough for me then it's good enough for him. Okay does he even know what he is saying to me. Does he not realize he is too good for me? I mean come on, why can't he see it? He is so much better than me in so many ways. Me knowing that made my decision a little easier. Let me make it clear what I did and how I came to the conclusion wasn't easy but knowing he deserves better than me helped me sleep at night.

Okay so I knew telling him the truth wouldn't work so I came up with my second speech. I came up with the idea of making him hate me. I didn't want him to hate me forever so I came up with the idea of me not ready for the type of relationship we would have. What I mean by type is a homosexual kind. Yes I was prepared to be strong for him but he didn't need to know that. I hoped by telling him I wasn't ready he would be mad but after a while he come around. I have to believe that. I have to believe our love is strong enough that we will find our way back to each other.

Now I know what you must be thinking. If I love him so much and I am want to grow old and die with him. Okay if I haven't said that yet that is how I feel. Okay if I feel that way then why would I break up with him in a letter? Look you should know I wrote that letter like twenty times before I got it right.

Before I tell you more about the letter I should tell you how I ended up leaving it seconds after the mail man dropped off the mail. After I broke up with Bella and Jo hung up with me my first thought was to go to Cas. On my way to him I thought about all the things that had happen between us and I came to one conclusion. It's all my fault. He has loved me for so long and I was so stupid not to see it. I have always loved him. I just didn't want to admit it.

I drove around thinking about us until I realized I was a block away from his house. I parked my car up the street from him staring at his house. That is when I came up with my speeches. I was all prepared to go in there and tell him my second one until I saw him come to door. I watch him stand on the step and look for my car. Luckily I parked far away enough where he couldn't see me., but I could see him. God I wished I didn't see him. Soon as I saw him I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I would go in there all tough but soon as I laid eyes on him I would fold. I would fold right into his arms and push any thought of being away from him out of my mind.

I watched him for half an hour. He sat on his step looking for me. I had texted him that I need to talk to him. I can't tell you how many times I almost got out of that car. I am actually proud of myself for holding back. There were moments where I actually though my body was moving. I actually got as far as getting out of my car but I quickly got back inside before he noticed me. In my car he couldn't notice me but me being out of it he could have seen me.

So I watched him until he gave up and went back into the house. Once he was back in the house I decided it was time for me to go home and write him a letter. SO once I was in my room I started writing. First I started off by just breaking up with him. I came up with so many reasons I can't remember now but nothing felt right. Then I started off by telling him how much I loved him, but that only turned out to me making a vow I would be with him forever. So finally eight hours and a bunch of sheets from my notebook I came up with the perfect letter.

I never found out his reaction or how he was handling our break up. I did ask Jo and Gabriel but they wouldn't tell me. Jo would say I should call him and Gabriel would say its better I don't know. Gabriel thinks that helped but it only made things worse. I started imagine Cas heart break. If he was feeling half of what I was feeling then it must have hurt like hell.

No matter how I might make it seem but breaking up with him was horrible. For the first month I could barely breathe. The way I felt does sound like such a cliché but I don't care it's still the truth. Being away from him ripped my heart my heart out. I felt sick being apart from him and so on.

There were so many times when I almost ended up running to him I can't tell you how many times how I almost called him. I would call pull out my phone and stare at his number. I almost hit call like ten time a day. I even ended up at his house once. Yes I ended up at his house. I wanted him back. It was some time last July when I ended up there, but as my luck would have it Gabriel answered the door and he forced me away. I know how can Gabriel make me go away, since I barley listen to him but when it comes to Cas I can't help but open an ear.

I love him and want to give the best even if that means cursing me in the progress. Yes I said curse. Being cursed id the best way I can describe what I felt inside. What would you call it? What would you call being so inside your head that you are ready to scream but you can't because if you do then people will ask questions? They not only ask question but they ask too many question. I don't know if that makes sense. What I mean is people will ask me question that I don't know how to answer. I know I should answer them but I am just not ready.

I am not ready to relieve who I am just like I am not ready to relieve to Cas the truth about why I am broke up with him. It hurt me but it's for the best. Maybe the future will change but as if right now I have to break the curse.

So this brings me back to Anna. So after a couple months of being without him I found my self sick. I was sick of not talking to him, sick of not seeing him, sick of just not being near him. Since I broke up with him things have changed. I can't go over his house and pretend I am there for other reasons. I was so sick that when I started school I didn't think I could make it through the first semester.

I started doing so bad in my one math class that I almost flunked out. For the first couple weeks I was lost. When my first test came around I was lost but somehow I passed. I had no idea until my T.A. Came up to me a week later. My T.A. was Anna if you are wondering. She was the one who graded our test and she changed my answers so I would get an A. I thank god every day I used an pencil. If I didn't I don't know what would have happen.

I didn't know she changed my test at first. At first she would talk to me after class. You know small talk here and there. I thought she was pretty but I never saw her in any sexually way at first. Towards the end of the semester our talks started getting more interested. I can't remember what we talked about but I know we had to move it to the local coffee shop. Once we got sick of coffee, we moved it to lunch. This class was happen to take place in the convenient hours of lunch. Anyway after a few lunches we ended up having dinner and the rest is history.

Now don't get me wrong. It wasn't easy letting her in. I was just so desperate to take my mind off of Cas I need something. It just so happen that she fell into place. While it might have started out that way, it's not the same anymore. I actually like her. Yes it's not the same as it's with Cas but it's something.

It's something I know I don't have to put all my hopes in dreams in. It's something I know I can just enjoy without worrying about anybody changing my mind. Yes I still notice gus and there is this one guy I wouldn't getting my hands on but it's what I am feeling is starting to get more and more suppressed as the days go on. I call that a win. I knew all I had to do was find the right girl to get my mind off of everything.

"I don't understand why I have to wear a tie." I say as she pops her body up from underneath my bed.

"Because it's what you do when you go to a fancy restaurant." She says once she standing in front of me.

"Do I have too."

"Yes" she says with her sweet smile as she starts to a perfect knot. I'm glad she knows how to do this because I have trouble. Uncle Bobby showed me so many times and I still haven't gotten it just right.

"But why" I say whining.

"Oh stop."

"I don't want to go. Why do I have to go?" I really don't want to go. I hate that I have to dress in a monkey suit to go to some restaurant I can't afford. I don't understand why we couldn't go somewhere cheap. Now I am going to look like so kind of peace of crap because I can't afford this place. I do have a job but the bill will be my entire check. Gabriel of course agreed to pay for everything but how does that look. It doesn't look good.

Oh yeah I should tell you Anna and me are going to dinner with Jo and Gabriel to celebrate him buying a new house. How Gabriel can afford such a thing at twenty it beyond me. Come to thank about it him and Cas always had money but never told how they got it. I have asked before but they always said it was a story for another day. Of course that day never came. Jo might know but I don't want to ask her.

Things between us are only just getting back to normal. When I broke up with Cas she kind of got mad at me. It's more like she got full on mad at me. She refused to talk to me because she was ashamed of who I become. It hurt to hear her say that but I knew that someday she come around and eventually she did. She came around a couple months ago. We didn't just pick up where we left this time. No this time we had to take baby steps. We are almost there but I don't take she respects me yet.

"There." She says with a smile. Her fixing my tie brings me back to prom. I can't help but smile when I think of Cas fixing mine. There is actually a photo of that. Uncle Bobby accidentally took a photo of that. I'm glad he did. I might have went to prom with Bella but I don't consider that my real prom. My real prom started when she went home and I got to spend the night with Cas.

Man that was an amazing night. We did it for like five hours. It was nonstop too. We did it in every which way expect the one way I wanted to do it. He wouldn't let me top, but I don't care about that anymore. It was still amazing and I will never forget it.

See there I go again. I have to keep those thoughts out. If I just focus on Anna I might actually pull it off.

"What" She says looking at me.

"What?" I say looking at her.

"You just got this twinkle in your eyes. Dare I say it but you actually look like you were glowing." She says as her face turns red.

"Yeah I was but it because I was looking at you." I know what you might be thinking but come on. How can I tell her I was just remembering my ex-boyfriend? I can't tell her that.

"Oh well keep it up. I like it when you look at me like that." She says as she throws her arms around me and gives me a kiss. Of course she is standing on her tippy toes and I think it's kind of cute actually.

"Okay enough of that. I have to prepare myself for the night." She says walking away to look at her self in the mirror. As she fiddles with her curls I realize she is nervous.

"Why are you so nervous?" I ask as I walk up behind her.

"Because it's the first time I am meeting Jo and Gabriel. I mean what if they don't like me." She says as she turns to look at me.

"That's crazy how can they not like you." I say being careful not to say the L word. I refuse to say it if I don't mean it now.

"Well they might not. Yeah they loved your ex. Jo and her were best friends before she went away to Cornell. Gabriel was like a brother to her. I mean how can I fit in there." She says.

"You will. They will love you." I say looking into her eyes.

I should explain. When we first starting dating Anna asked me about my last relationship, I didn't know what to say? I didn't know how to explain it since my last relationship happen to be two relationships. I didn't want to lie to her so I started telling her about Cas since it was the one that was at the front of my mine. Everything went great I just avoided using pronouns but then she asked me my ex's name. I didn't know what to say or what to do? I just said the first thing to come to my mind. I told her my ex was Cas, but she assumed it was something short for a girl's name. I started to correct her but something in me took over and I told her that Cas was known as Cassie to family. It's not a lie though. Gabriel and Balthazar both call him Cassie.

"Are you sure?" she ask looking at me.

"I am sure." I say before we finish getting ready to go meet Jo and Gabriel for a night out on the town.

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**Next chapter will take place at dinner. Spoiler alert it's from Jo's pov. Don't worry Castiel's pov will come soon. I know some of you might be wondering what is going on with him. **

**follow me on twitter. akinsey_dawrite **


	3. Chapter 3 Jo

**Hello every one. Thank you for reading but some reviews would be nice. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to tell me what you think.**

**Btw it might be from Jo's pov but it will set the tone for future chapter if you want them . i know how it ends so if you want to know too then tell me what you think **

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**Chapter 3 Jo**

I don't know who to smack first. Should I hit Gabriel or should I hit Dean first. Of course I want to smack the shit out of the both of them but who first oh decisions decisions. Tonight should be a happy event but it's not. Instead I am sitting pretending to be happy when everything is just wrong. Everything out the three of us isn't right. By the three of us of course I mean Gabriel, Dean and myself.

Don't get me wrong I love Gabriel. I love him more than anything but lately things don't feel right. I am starting to think we might not be forever. I don't know how we got here. That's alie I know how we got here I just don't know how I let it start. Everything between us has been great and I have never trusted someone so much. I don't think I will be able to trust this much if I force to move on. I don't want to move on but someday I might. I will have to if Gabriel keeps doing what he doing.

He isn't cheating on me. I know and believe he isn't but he is hiding things from me. Gabriel has claimed to be in love with me for so long. He has claimed to want to spend the rest of his life with me for so long. Now that means a lot coming from any guy but when that guy is only fifteen years old it kind mean extra.

With that being said why is he still doesn't tell me everything. I don't need to know every detail about his day or even every little thing that goes though is mind. I have the rest of my life to figure that out but there are some things I need to know if I am going to commit the rest of my life to him.

Not to sound like gold digger but I need to know where he gets his money from. Last I check he worked for the student union selling hot dogs. So how the hell did he afford a brand new four bedroom two and half bath house with a big ass back yard. I really need to know. Gabriel has always had money to blow but never this big. At first I thought is dad gave him extra money. I mean it made sense in my head. His father left him and his brothers on their own at a young age and since he couldn't be there he gave them extra money out of guilt. I mean it is reasonable, but he won't tell me. Him not telling me is strike one.

Strike two is the way he treats me now. Gabriel doesn't respect me fully. He treats me like I am some 1950's house wife. He treats like that and I don't even live with him. It might seem like it since I stay with him seven days out of the week but I go home regular. I just don't sleep there anymore. I got so use to sleeping next to him that I can't sleep alone anymore.

I don't live with him but it's like we do and now he wants to make it official. Yup he wants to move in with me or me move into his new house. Now any other girl would love this but I don't. what is wrong with me? No I know what is wrong. Gabriel won't tell me anything that has to do with the future we are supposed to have together. How can I commit to a future I have no clue about.

It's so frustrating but I can't deal with this right now. Right now I am at a lovely diner with my wonderful boyfriend and my unbelievable cousin and his beard I mean girlfriend. Oh hell I meant beard. That is what she is. Like it or not but it's the truth. Dean might be a lot of things but straight is one of them.

I actually feel bad for this girl. She is pretty and smart and kind of funny. It's actually kind of sad really. She really likes him and get just pretends. I can actually see myself being friends with her but I can't. I liked Bella I did. I thought she was a bit stupid and naive but I really had nothing against the girl, but I always knew that they weren't meant to be. Since I knew that I never became close to her, and then there's Cas. Him and Dean were best friends and Gabriel brother so why couldn't we become close. It took some time but we became close. So close that I consider him my best friend. So close that when Dean broke up with him I became hurt. I hurt so much I actually hated Dean for a while. How could he hurt Cas? Cas is such a good guy who is totally hot, and loyal, and he would never told hide anything or cheat on the person he is with. He is such a good guy and Dean would be lucky to have him and be stupid not see what he is giving up.

Okay I have to stop. Just thinking about this is making me heated in so many ways and I really don't want to cause anymore issues. There is enough floating around plus I miss my cousin and I want to get back to where we use to be able to talk about anything. I miss that we use to be friends.

I want to be friends but I can't help but judge him tonight. How can he bring this wonderful girl who he will end up hurting her. He is making her feel like part of the family when she isn't. She will never be. Being who Dean is she could never be who she hopes to be. My cousin is so wrong for doing this to her. Why can't he just be who he is?

Uggg I need to get out of my head. Right now I have to focus on dinner. This is a celebration. Gabriel renewed his friendship with Dean as did I. Gabriel bought a house and wants me to move in with me. Not only will I move with him but he wants to put my name on the deed but according to him he doesn't want to me to worry about bills. Okay I am starting to get beside myself again.

"So cheers to my new house, cheers to friendship old and new" Gabriel says looking at Anna. "And cheers to a new beginning" He says looking at me. When he looks at me I still feel this new and exciting feeling whenever he looks at me. Make no mistake I always feel like that whenever he looks at me but I am starting to think it isn't real. It can't be real as long as I feel like he hiding things from me.

"Cheers" Dean says breaking my train of thought as he holds up his soda. He is such a good actor. If you weren't paying close attention he would have you fooled. Every time she touches him he cringes a little. He relaxes his face but his eyes tell me that he is uneasy. Every time she tries to kiss him he gives he a small peck before turning away from her. It's like he can't look at her.

"I have to say I was very nervous about tonight but I am glad I came." Anna says.

"Why would you be so nerves?" I ask really not understanding where she was going.

"Well" she says so shyly. It's like she is kind of embarrassed to say what she wants to say. "Okay so-"

"Hold that thought sweetheart." Gabriel says as he looks at his annoyingly loud phone that is ringing at a very high unnecessary volume.

"Who is calling you?" I ask as I realize he isn't sure if he should answer.

"It's Cassie." He says looking at Dean. Dean look like he seen a ghost. He has become good at hiding emotions on his face but his eyes say it all. HE looks lost, confussed, happy and sad all at once.

"Answer it." I say.

"Okay" he says as he slides his finger across the screen. "Cassie, where the hell have you been?' Gabriel says as he stands up to walk out with the card.

"Sorry about that" Dean says to Anna like he is feeling guilty.

"You have nothing to apologize. Just as long as your ex isn't calling you." She says looking at him with such trust. OH that poor girl.

"You know" I say actually impress with my cousin being honest.

"Yes I do. I know about how Dean cheated on Bella and was too stupid to ever leave her. I know about all the things they went though."

"Wow" is all I can say. Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he is starting to come around.

"Yeah that is actually what I was saying before she called."

"I'm sorry can you say that again?" I ask as I start to think I heard something wrong. Did she just say she.

"Of course but I was saying how I knew you and Gabriel were very close to her. I know you two are best friends or were I am not sure. We haven't talked about it much. I prefer to keep the past in the past." Anna continues to say something else but I tune her out as I make eye contact with Dean. He has this look on his face that is pleading with me not to say anything. I don't believe him I can't believe for a second I thought he had made progress.

"So what I miss" Gabriel says as he come s back to the table.

"Oh nothing we were just talking about how Dean told Anna about Cas." I say after he kisses me on the cheek.

"He did?" Gabriel ask surprised.

"Yes I did. I told Anna all about her." Dean says giving Gabriel a look. Gabriel says nothing as he stares back. It's like they are having a conversation telepathically. These two doing this is just adding to the laundry list on why I know Gabriel is hiding things from me.

"I am just surprised Dean told you about my sister." Gabriel says not missing a he really going through with this. Why would he do this? I don't to like anymore. I don't want to cover for Dean anymore.

"Sister, I didn't know she was your sister. Dean just said you were close to her." Anna says looking at him.

"I'm sorry I know I should have said she was Gabriel sister but I didn't think you would keep dating me if you knew she was part of the family." Dean says with such ease. Am I the only one bother about how we lie with such ease while hiding Dean stupid secret. I hate this. This is all so wrong. Cas is not a woman. He is a man. A real man who has never been afraid of who he is.

"I forgive you." She says touching his ace so gentle. I think she might be actually falling in love. Oh I feel so bad for her. She seems like such a nice girl, she doesn't deserve to get dragged in the mud. Maybe if I become friends with her I can convince her to leave Dean. It's not like he would care.

"So since we all know about Cassie." I say feeling so sick. I never call him that. Only his brothers call him that and personally I have always found it stupid and really disrespectful especially consider his sexuality but I have never said anything. If it doesn't bother him then it why should it bother me? "What did she have to say?" I ask hating the way I can just lie with such ease.

"Well" he says unsure. He looks at Dean and then at Anna before looking at me.

"Well" Dean asks a little eager. It was subtle but I know he is playing it cool. They haven't talked in such a long time I know he is dying to know something about him. HE needs to know he is so hungry for information. Both Gabriel and me have refused to share anything info on him. We talk to him all the time but we don't tell Dena.

"Well Cassie said she is coming home for the summer?"

Oh shit. HE is coming home. I am curious to see how we will handle this.

Wow and i thought my biggest problem was that engagement ring i found in Gabriel things was my biggest problem.

This is just crazy at the beginning of the night i thought i had to figure how to tell Gabriel no when he ask to marry me now on top of that i have to lie foe Dean again and pretend CAs is a girl and probably keeping it from him too. I am too young for this shit.

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**So what do you see happening with these four. DO you think they will be able to hide stuff from Anna like they did Bella. What do you think will happen next. Ask and i shall answer. **

**SO leave a review or two and i will be back next week. Hopefully i will not change the name of this story. **

**follow me on twitter. akinsey_dawrite **


	4. Chapter 4 Gabriel

**Chapter 4 Gabriel**

"Here you go Cotton. Just something I picked up for you." I say as I put a coat size box down in front of Jo. See I have a special night planned for us. We just official moved in together a week ago. Everything is now settled and I want is to official celebrate this weekend. We did celebrate with Dean and his girlfriend. I am not even going to comment on that right now. I am sure it will be bought up again,

I want to celebrate with us just being the two of us. Actually I have a whole day planned. She will wake up to breakfast in bed. I don't know what I am going to make but I have a few things barrowed down. Then once she has enjoyed her breakfast we will make love. Forty five minutes later I will place in her a bubble bath that I have ran for her. There I will wash her body after she has relaxed. Then once she's dressed she will find my credit card lying in rose petals with a letter telling her to enjoy about four hours of shopping before she is sent to the spa for a full treatment. Yes full treatment. That means full body massage, facial, then her hair, nails, feel, will be give expert care. It's not like she needs it. The woman is just beautiful in every way already.

Once she done at the spa, a limo will be waiting for her. Inside the limo will be bouquet of her favorite flowers. You'd think rose, lilies, or even tulips, but no. None of those are her favorite flower. It took me a few months to learn what her favorite flower was. I bought her countless flowers hoping she loved them. Now she always liked and appreciated them but she never told me. I always knew. I can tell the difference between her liking and loving something. That is why I make sure I give my all in the bed room area of our relationship.

But I learn what her favorite flower was when we went on a picnic at the end of last summer. It was the day after Cassie left. We missed him but we were happy he finally left his bedroom. We were so happy we went of a picnic to celebrate Cassie leaving and finally being totally alone. Yes Dean was still here but we didn't have to worry about the Destiel drama falling into her relationship. So we celebrated.

Half way through our lunch she picked up a Dead Dandelion. She looks at with such amaze before she speaks. She tells me that she loves these flowers. That so people might not consider them flowers because they are dead but they are wrong. They are wrong because if you blow on it and make a wish, the petals fly and land somewhere to create new life. Oh god I fell even more in love with her. I didn't think it was possible. That moment right then and there told me I had to start the rest of my life with her right away.

This brings me back to tonight. So once she gets in the Limo she will find a bouquet of dead dandelions with a note that tells her to make a wish because I promise to make all them and her dreams come true. Once inside the limo she will enjoy a glass of champagne. After a twenty minute ride, that's enough time for her to enjoy her drink. So after the ride she will meet me at one of the best restaurants in the one of the dresses she picked put to go with the shoes she bought. Jo can't pick an outfit before she knows what shoes will first. Hence why I made sure she went to a shoe store first. Actually I sent her to two. I made sure my baby had options. Once she walks in the room she will enjoy a private meal with the two of us where at the end of desert I will present her with a diamond ring.

I will present the ring to her as promise. A promise to someday marry her, a promise to always make her happy and give her the life she deserves. I will make it clear that this is not an engagement ring. I know she isn't really for that. I know she still needs to time but I promise once I know she is ready which I will know without her telling me. I tell her I love her and this day was my way of thanking her for agreeing to move in with me.

Yeah I am going to get someone on Saturday. I hope I get some. I haven't gotten any since before we moved in together. That was like almost a month ago. Something is wrong with my cotton but I plan to figure it out. If I can't figure it out by Saturday then we will just have to talk about ti then. I refuse to let it mess anything else. I know most guys wouldn't but I am going by what my Dad use to say about my mom whenever me and brother were in trouble. My Dad use to say "Happy Wife Happy Life." I know it is an old saying but there some truth on it. Just trust me on it.

"What's this?" Jo asks as she takes the extra-large bock in her hands. She shakes it like she does all the gifts I give her.

"Open it." I say as I stand in front of her with a wide smirk.

"Fine" she says in her playful way as she takes the ribbon off to look at what is so inside." Oh Gabriel she shouldn't have." She says pulling out the frame o gave her in a large book. I know she was expecting something else but I love I manage to trick her. I put enough towels in there to expect otherwise.

"Read it" I say knowing she didn't look at what's inside the frame.

"It looks like… a schedule… for Saturday." She says looking at me confused. I am so glad she is confused. I wanted her to be. I want to be able to explain it to her. Yay me for pulling it off.

"Yes it is." I say sitting down next to her. She still looks confused. I love it.

"It's your schedule for Saturday." I say as I lay next to her on our wrap around sofa. I lay next to her ever so gentle while the frame in her hand.

"Baby I don't understand." She says looking at the frame. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen the font to have it written it. It is kind of hard to understand.

"Well let me help you. See this mi amor is the plan for Saturday." I say right before her eyes finally read what is inside the frame.

"SO you planned a totally romantic night." She says happy but it's not the happy I wanted it more sarcastic and under minding. "You planned an expensive exciting night without asking me. You decided I had no plans and made some for me. You made plans that are so expensive that I have no idea how you are going to pay for them." She says as she looks at me like I am stupid. If she knew the truth she wouldn't think they were stupid. If she knew I would probably be able to avoid the argument we are about to ask. Man I wish I could tell her. I wish I could tell her but I can't and I have a feeling this problem might do some damage.

I know she hates this but I can't tell her. If I tell her it might change everything. I know I just know she will get angry at me from keeping the truth from her, but my mom said I shouldn't. That is what my mom said in one of the letters she left for me. She knew she was dying so she left us all six letters with instructions on the front. Each one told why we should open it. It's like just in case this happens. So one of the letters said in case you have to hide finances from your spouse. I never knew why that was there at first but now I do. I know legally Jo isn't but in so many ways she is. She might not cook or clean that much but she is still my wife.

"Please don't do this." I ask with a smile.

"Do what? So what she asks? "Don't start what don't start waning to know what is going on. What would you like me to do Gabriel? Would you like to be pretty and wear a smile and be happy you never ask me what I want to do. Or would you like to pretend there is nothing wrong with going through life with lying? Or would you like to do both?" she says as she stands up to love down at me.

"That's not fair. I never lied to you."

"NO but you do keep secrets…..I thought once we left high school keeping secrets would stop." She says folding her arms while giving me this most disappointing look.

"Stop it" I say as I feel the guilt rise in me as I lock into her eyes. I do have like two secrets but I can't tell her. If I tell her one secret then I have to put her in a position to lie or at least keep the secret which will bring her back to lying. Damn I can't win. IF I tell her my other then she might change or it might hurt our future. Yes keeping it from her might hurt us but it won't in the long wrong

"Stop What? Stop speaking the truth."

"You know I never keep stuff from you/ I know you hate secrets. I know you. I love you. "I say as I sit up to hug the lower part of her body.

"Yeah sure you do." She says a little begrudgingly as she pushes me off.

"Jo….please…I don't want to fight." I say as I stand up to watch her grab her pocket book and keys.

"It okay" she says as she swings the straps across her shoulder. "We aren't fighting. You love me. You know me. You want to give me expensive things not worry about anything. I get that. I love you for it. Forget I ever said anything." She says before she blows me a I can even say anything she is out the door and on her way to work.

"What just happen?" I say out loud confused as I stand next to the couch looking at the door.

"I don't know looks like she is upset about something." The voice behind me says.

"Really because I didn't notice." I say once I turn around to face my brother.

"What did you do?" He asks as he walks over to the chair next to couch to have a seat.

"Gee I don't know Cassie. If I know I would have fixed it." I say as I sit back on the couch to look at him. He got in late last night and didn't say much. He just came in and went to his new rom and fell asleep. Yes I bought house and gave my brother his own room. I figured eventually he might come and visit or something along that line.

"It doesn't look like it's going to be easy." He says like he knows about relationships. Please what does he know? He doesn't know shit. If he did he wouldn't still have a broken heart. Oh yes he still has one. He might not have mentioned Dean to me since the day Dean dropped off his infamous letter but I can still see Dean front and center in his mind. He might be showered, shaved, and smiling but I know deep down he is crying like a little baby.

"Let's just forget about Jo and me for now. We'll be fine." I say waving us off. "Let's talk about something else." I say hoping to get to the bottom of his return.

"Talk about what? We talk twice a week. It's not like I have been out of touch." He says titling his head in confusion.

"We talk but not about everything."

"What's everything?" he asks still confused.

"Like your love life. Have you been dating anybody or have you just been hitting everything that moves like normally."

"You want to discuss my love life like a couple of school girls."

"Yup." I say folding my arms and looking at him. I wonder if he knows I am using this as a gateway to what I really want to know.

I did talk to him twice a week since he left and knowing him he likes to work through his feelings with sex. Hell I don't have to tell you. If you were here during high school then you know my brother has a serious libido.

"You want to hear about my series of one night stands." He asks looking at me like it's strange.

"Not too much detail but I just want to make sure you aren't dwelling on the past and that you are long gone and moved on from your life here."

"Long gone and moved on from my life here." He repeats looking at me. He knows what I mean and I see he doesn't want to talk about it. Well too bad because I do. I be damned if I am having him make the same mistake. I do not like zombie Cassie.

"Yes I want to know if you have."

"I knew it. I knew you talking about my love life meant talking about him." He says as his eyes go dark.

"Him" I say hoping to get him to say his name.

"Yes him."

"So you can't say his name anymore." I ask trying to figure out what the hell he is up to. I know my brother and all it took was for one look at him to know he has something up his sleeve.

"I don't want to talk about."

"Of course you don't. You never do."

"So why bring it up." He says in this deep husky voice telling me to back off but of course I won't. I'm like a dog with a bone.

"Because Cassie, I want to know why you are here. You told me you weren't going to come back. You made it seem like this place was never going to be your home again and yet not even a year later you are back for the summer. I know school is out but it's not like you couldn't stay in New York for the summer. You can afford it. I know you made friends. So why are you here?" I say getting upset. Yes I wanted him to come back eventually but it is too soon. He should have stayed gone for a few more years. More like four. If he wanted to see me I would have went to him.

"I wanted to come visit my family and friends."

"What friends?" I ask suspicious. He barely has friends here. He has Jo and Meg. Nobody else.

"I have friends." He says defensive.

"Yeah who"

"Well there's you."

"I don't count I am your brother."

"There's Jo."

"Yeah my girlfriend who would have come to New York to see you with me. SO try again."

"Meg." He says like he is running out of answers.

"Okay fine Meg is your friend but I'm pretty sure she would pass up a chance to visit the big apple to see you. So what else you got?"

"Look I don't understand why it's such a big deal for me to come home for the summer."

"It is when you do it for the wrong reasons."

"Reasons like him." Cassie says as he looks at me with sorrow.

"Yes that him who name you cannot speak. The him who broke your very heart with a Dear John letter.

"I can say his name." he says defensive again.

"Then say it. Say you are not here to see Dean."

"I am not here to see him. I came to see you and the little bit of friends that I do have."

"Did you really? I ask feeling like he is lying but I think I am going to drop it. He is being stubborn and he wants to hide things from me. That's fine because I am hiding things from him too.

"Yes." He says so softly. Yup he is defiantly lying and he is defiantly keeping something and I am not going to drop it. Yes pot and kettle and all that good stuff but damn it I am his older brother and it's my job to protect him from making a stupid mistake.

"You might have but that isn't the only reason. Look I get it Dean broke up with you. He couldn't even do it face to face with you. He put you through hell and you want some closure. If that's true then I cannot be mad at you."

"Well you please let this go." He says as he runs his hand down his face.

"You should know I won't until you tell me what the hell cooking in the brain of your."

"Fine." He says before taking a deep breath. "You want to know the other reason I am here."

"Yes." I say already knowing the answer. Cassie is obvious here for a little revenge and closure.

"Okay fine." He says as he stands up to move next to me. "I want you to know I have given this a lot of thought and thanks to a serious of events back to school I came to a conclusion." Maybe I am wrong. I think I might be wrong. Oh dear father in heaven please me let me right. Please let Cassie be here for revenge and closure.

"Gabriel." He says as he places his hand on my shoulder to look me in the eyes. "I still love him and I am here to get him back."

"


	5. Chapter 5 Castiel

**Hello here is the next chapter. Don't forget to review and all the good stuff if you want to know what happens in college between our two couples. i promise you a fun annoying hurtful and happy ride. who knows maybe dean will get it together. **

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**C****hapter 5 Castiel **

"I still love him and I am here to get him back." I say to my over bearing older brother. I wait for him to respond but he doesn't. I am shocked. Of all the reactions I imagined I never imagined he be sitting here next to me quiet. Is it wrong I am actually enjoying it? HE always has something to say. It's one of the many reasons he and Jo are meant to be.

"No" he says after a few minutes. I can barely hear him.

"I'm sorry" thinking I didn't hear him right. Why is he telling me no? I never asked his permission.

"No Cassie, just No." He says a little loud.

"How can you tell me no? I never asked you a question or your permission."

"What do you mean I can't tell you no. Oh course I can tell you no." he says louder. O great he is going to yell.

"It's my life."

"You're right. It's your life. You can do whatever you want with your life." He says a little too calm. He's only this clam when he is about to explode. Oh great I am home twenty four hours and I am about to fight with my brother.

"Why are you upset?" I ask as he tightens his mouth as he stands above me with his arms folded.

"I'm not upset…I'm just shocked." He says in a high pitch voice as he rolls his eyes.

"Why are you shocked?" It might seem like a stupid question but I don't think it is. After everything I been though with Dean plus the way we felt about each other and add in the fact that those feeling just don't go away. Also there's the fact that Dean and I always find our way back to each other. Whether we are chipped, cracked, or broken, we can always find a way to fix it. I know we can fix us. After all we are best friends first and true friends can work though anything.

"Why am I shocked?" he asks so dramatic. I just shake my head and let him keep talking. "Oh I don't maybe because Dean put you though a whole bunch of bull shit by being a coward who hides in the closest and hides behind girls he has no desire to have sex with. " he says throwing his hands up in the air. Typically Gabriel, everything is a stage act with him. It's funny actually. Never once has anybody ever ask me if I like guys but I have always had people ask me about him.

"I know but we always go through whatever happen."

"Yes and then he would do something stupid again." He says stomping his foot.

"Yes but this time will be different." I say so sure of myself. He can't question me. He just has to go on faith with me.

"How please tell how this will be different." He stays getting on his knees begging. He can't be serious.

"I just know it will. I know in heart we have something great."

'But how." He says still on his knees.

"Why are you on your knees." I ask getting a little creped out.

"Sorry" he says as he gets up to sit back on the couch. I don't understand why there is a wraparound sofa and a chair in the living room. IT's actually a little weird. "I just am a little thrown off today. He says like it's not normal. Gabriel is always a little thrown off. "Lucky Cassie I just don't get it. Why do you want to get back with Dean? I get you still love him. I just thought by now you realize that you have to move on." He says very calm again. He's getting angry again. Normally I would care but I don't this time.

"Cassie I think this is idea of yours is wrong."

"It's not an idea it's a goal and you should know when I set one I achieve it. " I don't understand why he is starting to fight me.

"It's stupid." Shot at me in such a venomous voice.

"How can you say that? You have gone on blind faith so many times in the past. " I shot at him as I felt anger to start to build in me.

"How can I say that? What do you mean How can I say that?" he says offended like it's impossible to understanding going on blind faith. No he says it like it is an immortal sin.

"You heard be." I shot at him.

"Cassie I don't under the question." He says again commonly. He is starting to scare me a little. His moods keep going up and down. I am afraid he is going to snap over the reason he is so upset and unfortunately I have yet to see reason.

"You should. You fail to give up with you and Jo even when all of us told you needed help. We called you crazy and all the things that relate to that. You ignored us and now look where you are. You're with the love of your life." I declared as I stood up abruptly.

"That's not the same thing." He says as he stand s up to look me in the eye.

"Oh, and how isn't it. You bet against the odds with Jo, why can't I?" I say not giving him a single blink.

"It's not the same. Jo and I had a chance but you and Dean didn't. We never lied to each other and we let nothing com between us." He says with a straight face. I think he might actually believe what he is saying.

"Oh that is such bull." I say holding my ground. I happen to know he is lying to her at this very moment.

"How?' he asks keeping his arm folded with such confidence like I have nothing to hold my claim. I look my brother up and down letting him know with my body language that I have something to hold my claim.

"The Family Secret." I sat after licking my lips.

"Psssh" Gabriel says while turning his head. "You think I keep that from her if legally I couldn't.'

"It didn't stop Mom." I say looking him dean in the eye daring him to dispute out mother. Now I might hold her high in my eyes and I know my brother holds her higher.

"You can't compare the two." He says before he bites his lip to turn away. I think I might have struck a nerve.

"Why not?" I say turning him around to face me.

"Because I am looking out for out future, but this isn't about me and Jo this is about you and it being your life and how you are free to make the dumbest decision yet." I look at him as he starts to heavily catch his breathe. It like he is mad and hyperventilating at the same time. "This about you going temporary insane."

"Insane" I say taken back. I don't understand how I am coming off insane. Maybe my brother is insane I mean he is at least looking like it. Gabriel has this crazy look on his face. His mouth is twisted and his eye is twitching.

"Yes Insane. At first I was confused but now I am seeing that you are just having a little psychotic episode.

"I don't think I'm that Novak." I say looking at him as he keeps this sparkle in his is starting to worry and piss me off at the same time.

"Oh no but you are." He says ever so nicely.

"Please tell me how." I say annoyed as I wait for him to spin some great big theory.

"Do you see yourself" I say pointing at his body. " Your mouth is twisted, your eye is twitching, and you are channeling all your energy in your foot which you have not stop tapping since we started this conversation. I don't understand. Why are you so upset?" I ask as he gives this look telling me his going to kill me.

"Why are you sitting here talking like a crazy person?"

"Okay I think we are done talking." I say as I roll my eyes.

"No we aren't. This conversation is just beginning. You can't just waltz in here and tell me you want to get back with guy who ripped your heart out and tore into a thousand pieces before setting it on fire."

"Okay now you are just being dramatic." I say feeling more frustrated.

"No Cassie I'm not. Do you not remember what happen over the last four years? Hell, do not remember what the hell happen to you last summer."

"Yes I remember and yes there were some bad times but there also were so good times, great times actually."

"I don't care if you two met the president and then went surfing with the Pope. You can't get back together with Dean. I cannot go through that again. I did not go through what I went though just for you to run back to him."

"What do you mean you did not go through what you went through?"

"Well" he says a little suspect. Okay now he won't look at me. Clearly he is hiding something. I can feel it.

"Well what?" I ask feeling like it is something bad. I actually think my brother did something behind my back. What am I saying? Gabriel would never do anything to hurt me.

"Look your relationship affected me too, if you don't recall. Not to mention all the times I covered for you two and the endless noise that use to come from your room. For like three years I slept with ear plugs.

"That is true." It is true but my gut is telling me there's more to the story.

"Yes and I was the one always there to pick up the pieces whenever he fucked up. I just don't want to see you get hurt again." He says with such soft eyes.

"I understand your concerns but that doesn't change how I feel. Now you don't have to like it but you have to respect it."

"But whyyyyyyy" Oh great he is starting to whine. I think it's time I ended this conversation.

"Okay I see that if I stay sitting here then this conversation will go on for hours and we still won't reach a conclusion ." I say feeling at my wits end as I start to stand.

"Wait" he says grabbing me. Oh here we go. I don't understand why my brother never became a actor. He would so good at it. "I just need to know what bought you to this conclusion." He begs.

I should tell him but I am not ready to talk about it. I am not exactly proud of my behavior and I never was forth coming about what I was up too. I did enjoy my time at Cornell and I do plan to go back but after what happen these past couple months I realize it was best I return here and sort things out with Dean. Whether we get back together or not I need some type of closure, but I am hoping to win him back.

"That a story for another day." I say as I break his grip on my pants. I don't want to talk about and I hope this is one of the few times he understands, but my gut tells me differently. Then again my gut tells me he is hiding something from me and I know my brother would never do that.

"Come on you tell me everything." He says as he stands up as he notice I am walking towards the door.

"You know you are starting to sound like a chick."

"Am Not" he says offended as I grab his car keys. "Wait where are you going?" he ask once I have the door open the door. Oh great, I know if I tell him it will be an argument. Then again if I say it fast enough maybe I can get out without hearing what he has to say. I do have the door half open. Maybe if I open it all the way I can get out without a word.

"Well" I say as I open the door while trying to figure out the distance between us. We are a good ten feet apart. If I quickly leave then I might be able to drive off without him catching me. Jo took her car so he has no way to follow to me.

"Well, what? Where are you going? Please tell me it's not what I think?' he says as he takes two steps forward. Okay he is now eight feet away. I can still out run or drive him.

"Well." I say as I take a deep breath while making sure I have everything I need.

"We both have said that." He says taking another step further. Okay now we seven steps. It's okay though I was a starter on the basketball and baseball team. Both couches told me I was fast. Add the fact that I run five days a week, I know I can out run him.

"Fine…I am going to his house."

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	6. Chapter 6 Castiel

**Hello , I am back. Sorry it took so long. I started a new position at my job and got a raise so that took up much of my time. Hope all is well with you guys. Any who here is the next chap. Don't forget to tell me what you think. Don't forget to review.**

**Special shout out to ivebeenpoceesedbysatan. Thank you so much for the review. I promise answer to come so you can know exactly how you feel. Please enjoy this chapter and don't forget to tell me what you think. Love you lots babe **

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**Chapter 6 Castiel **

I know what you are thinking. I know you think I am crazy. I know you are thinking how can I want Dean after everything we have been though. How can I want Dean back after he broke up with what Gabriel would call a Dear John letter? I really don't know exactly what a Dear John letter is but Gabriel swears it's what Dean left me.

Some people might say that I am crazy and that Dean doesn't deserve me. I don't know who these people are since the only people who know about my break up are Gabriel, Jo, Dean, and myself. Balthazar doesn't even know. I haven't really talked to him much in the past year. I have had a few phone conversations with him here and there but he is too busy with his life in London to care about what is going on here. He's a lot like my father but I will not get into that right now. Right now I am focused on getting Dean back. Yes I know that Dean should be the one begging for my forgiveness but he isn't. Instead I am going to him. I know you must be confused. So let me start from the beginning.

Well I won't start from the beginning. If you are here now then you already know what has happen in four year relationship that is me and Dean. When I say from the beginning I mean the moment Dean and I broke up. When we broke up everything stopped. I won't sit up here and try to tell you how my heart felt in that moment. Instead I will tell you how I felt the whole summer.

You know how people always say they couldn't breathe. Well I couldn't, but it wasn't the type of couldn't breathe when you are on dry land. When you are on dry land and you can't breathe it's like you are breathing nothing in. Well I wish that was that case. I would have loved to let nothing in but when he left it me it felt completely different. Instead I felt like I was drowning.

I have never drown before but I imagine that it is painful. I imagine that if you drown you are gasping for air but all that is getting into your lungs is water which I imagine isn't pleasant. I know that I am not painting a good picture for you but that is all I willing to say about how I felt last summer. I really do not feel like getting into it.

Instead I will just say that after we broke up and I spent the entire summer inside my head searching for a reason I have now found one. It wasn't easy. When Gabriel told me I still had a chance at Cornell I was happy and anger at the same time but I never asked questions. I didn't want to know the answers. I know my brother is hiding something from me and I don't want to know. I fear that it damage our relationship and I don't and can't risk that right now.

Instead of asking questions I choose to focus on the positive and looked at it as a way to escape without having him or Jo barking at me about me running away from my problems. I saw Cornell as a way to leave Dean in the past. That is what I least thought.

When I got to New York I saw it as a new beginning but I was still hurt. I had no idea how I was going to start over. That is until…wait a minute. Gabriel is too busy saying something that I can't drown out. I was doing a good job of it until now.

Why is my brother so fast? I thought that I would be able to escape him but I under estimated him and me. I under estimated how fast he could run and I under estimated knowing where he would park his car. Usually he parks right in front of the house but just my luck he parks it down the street and I had trouble finding it. By the time I found it he was already on my heel giving me some kind of speech that what I am doing is all wrong.

What I am doing isn't wrong. Not when you look at it how I have. Yes Dean have done some unforgiveable things but I failed to take one thing into account. He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. In simple words he is in the closet and doesn't know how to process his feelings. I never really took into account that he never knew how to process. We talked about a lot and never acknowledge the fact that he was gay and how to handle those feelings. I always knew but I never really bought it up to him. I kind of talk to him about ti but we never went into detail. I know that is where we went wrong .See….. okay I have to stop talking because Gabriel won't.

"Why are you even here" I ask as he stops beside me. Right now we are standing outside of Dean house. I wish he wasn't here but he jumped into the passenger seat when I finally found the car.

"You kidding right?" He say as he looks at me like I am stupid.

"NO" I say giving him a look.

"Really" he says staring at me as I stare right back. "Unbelievable, it's like you haven't heard a word I have been saying." He says like he is half offended and half annoyed." I admit I haven't half a word he has said this whole time. It wasn't supportive so I didn't want to hear it.

"Gabriel, I don't understand why you are even here. You made it clear back at the house how you feel and I made it clear I don't agree, why can't you just let it go."

"Are you serious? Why can't I let it go? Do you really need to ask me that?" Apparently if he is still following me.

"Yes" is all the words I can muster up. If I go in details he will just try and turn it against me.

"YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE!" he yells at me.

"Keep your voice down." I say to him. It's the middle of the night and I have plans to sneak into Dean's window. It's just like before.

'I will agree to that if you agree to turn around to go home." He say as I start to head towards th e side of the house where the tree I use to climb a hundred times. "Where are you going? This isn't turning around." He says as he follows me.

"Why can't you just go with the flow like you use to." I say as I stop at the tree to turn around and face him.

"Because I already know what is going to happen. Before I had faith but now I know that this is only going to end with you getting hurt."

"You don't know that." I say feeling irritated again. I swear if He wasn't my brother I would have beating him up by now.

"OH but I do Cassie." He says in a deep, calm and strong voice.

"How do you know? Dean and I love each other that is the one thing we never denied. Aren't you the one who told me that love matters the most." I say as I fold my arms under the branch that I always pulled myself on.

"Aren't you the one who always told me that sometime reality is reality and that we have to accept what has happen."

"Do not use me and Jo. We are totally different." He says wagging his pointer finger at me.

"Why not? Despite my many arguments you never listen to me and followed your heart."

"Yeah well this is different." He says a little to fast and a little to guilty.

"How so?' I ask staring right in the eye.

"It just is" he says as he body tenses up.

"Not good enough. I love Dean and I want to help him and I know no better way than to let him know I am not giving up on him."

I expected Gabriel to have some kind of answer but he didn't. He just studied me for a moment before he asked "What happen to you in New York."

I wish he wouldn't have asked me that. MY body tenses as I reflect back on my time in New York. Something did happen but I rather not talk about it now. All I will say is it bought me back here.

"Nothing" is all I say before I start to climb the tree. I know my brother can see right thought me and I know if I stand there long enough he will actually get me to admit what happen while I was at school. Like I said I don't want to talk about it. I just want to see Dean.

Can you believe it I am actually going to see him. I haven't seen him in so long. I wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him. I know he missed. Call me crazy but something in my gut tells me that there is more to our story than has been told.

I wonder if he still looks the same or if he has changed in anyway. You know what I don't care as long as its him I'd be happy anyway. I just have no idea what I am going to say to him. I admit that it's a little crazy for me to show up after a year but I don't care. I am talking a page out of my brothers crazy in love book and throwing caution to the wind.

I have climbed this tree so many times before but for some reason tonight it feels like the very first time. I guess this is a new beginning with us.

After like five minutes I finally reached the top. I left knew it would give me a direct view into Dean's window.

There he is lying in his bed but unfortunately he was not alone. I wish I was imaging things but I know I'm not. I have blinked and rubbed my eyes at least five times, but I keep seeing the same imagine. There he is lying on his back while some small thin guy is bouncing on tip on him.

How can I be seeing this? I thought Dean was ashamed of who he was and needed help accepting the truth. I thought he was going to do everything in his power to resist the temptation but here he is lying on his back with some twink bouncing up and down his dick. I can't believe this. How can he do this? How could he tell me such lies? Why didn't he just say he wanted to be with a guy who would let him top. I would have let him top. I was going to let him top. That day I waited for him I was going to let him. See I have no problem with the act I just think that you can't let anybody do it. To me it is something special. I can't just let anybody do that and I couldn't let Dean as long as I had to share him. I think I am actually starting to hate him.

What am I saying? I can't hate him. I refuse to hate him. I now see what I was to him and I have no choice but accept him and move on. Dean likes guys and liked me but he just didn't love me. If he loved me then that would us in his room and not some random guy. At least I think it is. I don't know. My mother always taught me to never assume, so I won't.

Instead on just standing here like a creep I will climb down this and tree and go home. I will make due with my summer and never talk to him again. I refuse to let my emotions get the best of me.

"That was quick. What you blow your load as soon as he took off his clothes." My very inapproatie brother says once I jump off the finally branch.

"Why are you still here?" I ask ignoring his statement.

"Ummm you have the car keys so I was forced to wait for you." He says like I should have known."

"My apologizes. We can go home now." I say as I start to walk towards the car.

"Smartest thing you have said all night but I want to know what has happen." He says before I come to a sudden stop.

"What?" I say turning around to face him as I control my inner calm.

"You heard me. What happen?" He says as he folds is arms to take a stance. Great, he will stand here all night if I don't tell him and despite my inner clam I still want to get far away from here.

"Look" I say taking a breath. I might as well tell him if I don't someone might see us and I can only image it going worse than the last time someone saw me. "I went up there and he wasn't alone and before you ask I will tell you… Dean was in his room having sex with someone I don't know." I still cannot get over it. I know his segregate parents were home and he didn't care.

"Are you serious?" He asks shocked. Dare I say Gabriel didn't think that would happen?

"Yes" is all I can muster up in a neutral tone. Right now I am too concerned with someone seeing us. The last thing I need is Dean finding out I was here. I don't want to look like the one night stand that never went away. I am so proud of myself that I can say that without any type of emotion getting in the way. I have to say I have very good coping skills.

"Cassie I am so sorry. I never wanted you find out about Anna this way, but I must say I am surprised he could get it up with her."

"Anna?" I ask out loud as I question in my mind. Who is Anna? That's a female name. Even with the time I spent in New York I have never met a man straight, gay, bi, or drag with that name. It must me a female. Before I go on I never had relations with a drag queen. I did go to a drag bar with this one guy but that is part of my New York chapter which I do not feel like discussing.

"Oh No" Gabriel says like he just said too much.

"what do you mean oh no."

"Never mind Cassie. Forget I mentioned it." He says try to walk pass me but I stop him. I grab hi shoulder and turn him around. I give him a look telling him I mean business.

"Okay fine" after he engages with me in a staring match. "Anna is Dean's girlfriend." He says like he is guilty of some. Gabriel is guilty of something. I know that for sure but I know this is not it.

"Dean has a girlfriend? IS is serious?" I say as I don't even believe the words coming out my mouth but still I am able to control myself. I can't feel anything. It's like I am numb. I guess this is a good thing.

"Yes"he says guilty again.

After a few mintues of thinking about I only have one thing to say. "Okay"

"Okay… What the hell do you mean okay. It just can't be okay." He says more upset to me. "Cassie stop." He yells as he tries to stop me as I walk to the car. I stop just because I know this will turn into some kind of wrestling match and I am tried. Suddenly I feel to drained to put up any kind of fight.

"Gabriel please. I am okay. Dean has a girlfriend. I am okay with that. I just climb up a tree to see him but instead I saw him fucking some twink that clearly wasn't a girl and I am okay with that. We broke up a year ago and I never go closure. I am okay with that too. Everything is in the past and I am over it. SO please brother just let it go because I have. "

"Dam it no Cassie. I won't let it go. How can I let it go when it clearly upsets you?" He demands like a whinny child.

"I am fine. So please just let it go. Can we please go home now?" Soon as I say my peace we engage in a staring match. I hope this won't; last long but my brother is being kind of bull headed tonight. I hope he can I have no emotion about this what so ever and just let it go.

"So you are really okay." He says cautious as he eyes me up and down. I really can't stand him at times. Sometimes I wish he was more like Balthazar. He asks you something, you give him an answer. HE spends a second thinking about it and then he lets it go, but not Gabriel. Gabriel will give you fifty follow up questions followed by ten minutes of searching his gut before he ask you more questions before he decides to let it go. God bless Jo. Sometimes I don't know how a girl as amazing as her can put up with someone like him. Sometime I think if we weren't brother we would never be friends.

"Yes" I finally say when I feel our staring match reaching a close. "Are you?"

"Well" He says after another two minutes of silence. If you're okay then I'm okay." He say as he pats me on the back before we walk towards the car.

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**next chapter will be told from dean's pov **


	7. Chapter 7 Dean

**Hello I just want to say thank you arkham zombie for the review. I'm so happy you loved this story. hopefully u like this chapter as well **

**Chapter 7 Dean **

I'm an idiot. I'm a stupid stupid idiot. I claim I am going to change my ways and what do I do. I go out and pick up the first guy I see with a nice ass while my girlfriend is visiting her parents in Oklahoma. I could make excuses about why I did it but the reality is the love of my life slept fifteen minutes away from me and there is nothing I can do to get him back. I know he hates me and I hate myself for it.

HE's been back for like two weeks now and I have stopped myself every night from going over and declaring my love for him and telling him the truth but I know I can't. It's not best for us plus he probably wouldn't even listen to reason. For all I know he probably has moved on and hasn't given me a second thought. It's what I would have done.

IT's just so hard trying to get over someone when they are related to your friend and that friend is practically married to your cousin. I use to hang out with them like every other day but I have avoided them lately. Since I know Cas is staying with them I try to keep myself busy so I don't have to see him. It's been kind of easy so far. I spend most of my time with Anna who I still haven't slept with. I plan to do it one day but right now my hearts not in it. I'm just glad she doesn't ask to many questions. It only gets hard when she is at work or hanging with her friends. Whenever she is with friends I try to pick up extra shifts in my uncles Garage. I'm just glad Jo doesn't work here anymore. I thank who the ever the hell is up there that she took up bartending.

Uggggg I just want to beat the shit out of myself. How the hell did my life end up like this? I'm only nineteen and everything is out of whack. Why couldn't I be like every other guy I wne to high school with. They never had these kind of problems. My life should be like this. My life should be like Boy Meets World. I should be engaged to a great girl like Topanga which would be Bella. Cas should just be my best friend like Shawn was to Cory but no I had to get it messed up. I had to get the great the girl I dated since I was a kid but instead of falling in love with her I fell in love with my best friend who just happens to love me back. In what world does that make sense? To top it all off I was forced to break his heart for the great good or whatever you want to call. Everything about my life is wrong.

I should like women, I need to like women. My life would be so easy if I did. I know I was ready to tell the world who I was but ever since Gabriel stepped in and made me change things, I am starting to rethink a lot of things.

For one maybe I made the right decision of letting Cas go. Maybe it is wrong to love another man. Maybe everything I was starting to think was wrong. How can I walk though life with Cas being my lover, my best friend, my everything and expect it to go so good. Nothing good comes from these types of relationships.

Why is when I am thinking this all of this, the only thing that is racing through my mind I only have two thoughts. One whys can't I stop loving and missing him to no end and two why is it the other night felt so right. I can't remember this guy's name but I can remember the way it felt to be with him. When I was screwing him nothing seemed wrong, but after it was over everything felt wrong. I was overcome with all this guilt. I can only imagine it is because of I am not living my life the right way. You might think I am crazy but I also feel like Cas saw me. I know he couldn't have but for some reason I feel so ashamed of what I did because it would hurt him. I actually feel like I cheated on him. What is wrong with me?

"OH HELL NO!"

"What?" I say after Gabriel's voice breaks though my thoughts.

"You heard me?" He says as he stands up to face me.

"Really you can't say hello." I say as I look around his back yard.

I know he had a in ground pool but I never imagined to walk into his back yard to find to find him cleaning it himself shirtless. Why does he have to be shirtless right now? I never really took a look at him before. I always tried not to out of respect to our friendship and Jo, but right now I can't help but to notice him. He actually looks hot in the sun. I never knew he had muscles. I knew he was strong but I never imagined he had the muscle to go along with it. Not to mention he has the most beautiful bronzed skin right now to match his hair and eyes. Dare is say he actually looks hot.

"I know what you are thinking?" he says with the cutest little frown. Did I just think that? Oh no I have to stop. He is my friend and Cas's brother. Damn me I am going straight to hell.

"I doubt it" I say very cool. There is no way he knows I'm wondering how hard his abs are.

"When are you going to learn I am a lot smarter than you? I know exactly what you are thinking. I can see in your eyes."

"You can?" I say as I feel myself starting to sweat. Thank god it's summer. I can blame my sweating on the heat.

"Jesus" he says as he drops he smacks his forehead with the palm of his head. "How can you be this transparent. I have known you for long time too. I like to this we are friends… well sometimes and lately I think of you as one."

"Get to your point." I say starting to feel annoyed. How the hell is we friends? I have tried to figure it out for a long as time and I really can't find a reason. I guess I have to chalk it to to one of those things that can't be explain.

"Ohh someone is testy today." He teases.

"Gabriel" I snap as I forget how I was attracted to him for five minutes. You know I am actually glad he opened his mouth. It was all I need to smack me back to reality.

"Fine" he says fixing his face. "Now what was I saying. I am almost afraid to remind him. I really don't want to explain to him why I was checking him out. "Oh yeah" he says snapping his fingers.

"So what was I thinking." As I make myself comfortable on one of the lounge chairs alongside the pool.

"Do I really have to say it or can I just tell you not gone happen." He says as he drops the net he was using to clean the pool right before he sat next to me on the other chair.

"I think you exaggerating. I would never go that far."I say as I grad a water from the cooler in between the chairs.

"I call bullshit" he says he grabs a water bottle, cup and a bottle of juice.

"Yeah well me too." I say before I take a swing of water. I wish I hadn't soon as I start to chug I start to gag and spit what I now know as vodka out of my mouth.

"OH yeah, It's not water it's cherry flavor vodka." He says as he starts to mix himself a drink. I really can't stand him sometime. He has this smug look on his face while I am still trying to catch my breath.

"You could have warned me." I say after I have managed to breathe right.

"Well you could just tell me the truth instead of playing dumb." He says as he pulls his stupid sunglass off his head and on too his face.

"I swear you are a dick sometimes." I say as I lay back. I still have half a bottle left. Now that I know what it is I will drink it right.

"Diddo but name calling won't get us anywhere but then again that's where I want you get." He says as he takes a sip of his drink.

"Jesus Christ we are friend remember. Why would you even think that?" I say getting disgusted at the thought of being with him that way.

"True but I am also his big brother." He says looking at me over his glasses. Okay now I am confused.

"Now you have lost me. What are we talking about?" I ask looking at him.

"Unbelievable" he says looking at me. At least I think he is. His head is turned in my direction but I can't see his eyes. All I see is my reflection in his black shades.

"What is?" I ask still lost.

"You're lucky you're pretty because I don't see you making it though life with anything else."

"Stop calling me pretty. I'm a man. Women are pretty not men." I say starting to feel my blood boil.

"Yes you are a man. You are a man who is here to see Cassie." Okay now I see. He thinks I am here to see Cas. I admit I would love to just get a glimpse of him but I am not actually here to see him. I am actually here to see this dick. I need someone to talk too and I really don't feel like talking to Jo. I love her but she hard to talk to sometimes. She has this habit of yelling and hitting me when it comes to this subject.

"You think I am here to see him." I ask want to laugh. I can't believe I thought he knew I was checking him out.

"Well it's been two weeks since I last saw you so I can only conclude that is why you are here?' he says like he is offended.

"You're wrong?" I say as Cas starts to invade my thoughts. I wonder if he is here and what he is doing."

"He not here?" He says reading my mind. It's kind of scary though.

"Oh" is all I can say as I feel disappointment creep in.

"Yeah, he's out with Jo. I think they are shopping or something." He says a little sad.

"Why didn't you go?" I ask sensing things have only gotten worse between them. Last I check they were fighting a lot and I suspect things have only gotten worse.

"She didn't ask but let's change the subject" he says a little sad. I almost feel sad for him. He spent years wanting her and now that he has her things are working out. I would feel sad if I didn't know he was keeping things from her. I don't know what it is but I know it's something. He calls me stupid but he can be stupid at times too. My cousin would be a lot happier if he just told her the truth. I know her and no matter what she would stand beside him. She loves him that much. He should trust her more.

"Fine, what do you want to talk about?" I ask right before I take a sip oh the unnecessarily sweet vodka in my water bottle.

"Let's talk about you." He says getting hyper again. "What's going on with you?" he ask looking at me again. At least I think he is.

"What about me?" I say as the subject I want to talk about comes front in center in my mind.

"Well how's life. How's Anna. Have you turned her out yet?"

"Dude, that's my girlfriend?"

"SO that's a no." he says like he knows that I been with other people beside her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask offended.

"What it sounds like. You won't do your girlfriend but you probably have been doing twinks." He says like he knows for sure. How the hell does he know?

"Yeah" I say in shame. Normally I would argue him down but I really don't feel like it. I use to much energy fighting this part of me that keep trying to take over and there aren't that many people I can talk about it with. In fact there are only two. I kind of had one conversation about it with Cas but after he told me he was sure he was who he was I figured I shouldn't bother him with him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gabriel asks like he is pissed.

"I keep asking myself the same thing." I say before I think a sip and look into the sky.

"Seriously you are going to sit up here and play the martyr role like you don't know."

"I don't know." I say frustrated.

"Well let me tell you. YOU….ARE…GAY." he says like I am slow.

"I am not." I say offended. I'm not gay. I find women beautiful I just can't be sexual attracted to them. If I was really gay would I find them hideous.

"OH really" he says before he jumps out his chair to straddle my lap and kiss me so passionately.

"What the fuck?" I say as I push him off of me. I can't believe he really just did that.

"How did that feel?" he says as he picks himself off the ground to sit next to me.

"What do you mean how did that feel.?"

"When I kissed you what did you feel?" He ask like he already knew the answer.

"Gross." I say as I stick my tongue in my mouth, but it really didn't. IF he wasn't Gabriel I might have kissed him more and let go further. Although it didn't feel the same as whenever I kissed Cas but I did feel some kind of tingle in my pants. I am starting to think coming here was a big mistake.

"Right and that's why before you pushed me off seconds after I felt something jump in your shorts." He says as he lays back and grab his drink.

"How long you been wanting to do that?"

"About as long you have wanted to have sex with women."

"Fuck you" I say getting up.

"You might not have felt anything emotional but I know you like that kissed regardless.

"You're crazy" I say as I turn to look at him.

"And you're in denial and I have to say it's getting a little tiring."

"I am not" I say defensive.

"Then why is it the only person you have ever loved is a guy and why is it after you broke up with him you still carry a torch for him and why is it that you keep fucking guys but not your girlfriend." He says ever so calmly. Damn it I hate him when he is right. Am I really gay? What the fuck am I saying I am not gay? I am just a guy who got a little too close to a friend. Yes I wanted to spend my life with him but I believe that of I never would have fallen for him I would never be like this. All I have to do is stay strong. And one day I can beat it. One day I can be the man that Anna needs, I just need to get it out of my system. I know I have said that before but this time I really am. This time I will not fall off the wagon.

"You're wrong you know."

"About what; you still loving Cassie or about you being gay. Either way I think I am right."

"Were you right about breaking up with him?"

"You can't be serious right now. You forced me to break up with him."

"Who told you to listen to me?" he says with a look on his face I can't understand. Damn I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"I broke up with him because I loved him. Yes if you never would have put the idea in my head it might have taken me longer but eventually I would of done it but thanks to you I saved him from getting hurt."

"Yeah right, like you never hurt him before." HE says with his hands behind his head. How is he so calm when I ready to snap?

"Yes I hurt him before but I would have destroyed him if I stayed with him. AT least I did it at a time when he had something else to focus on. I owe that to you."

"What do you mean destroy him? You say that like you knew on some level you knew it wasn't forever." He says sitting up to look me in the eye. I think shit got serious. HE actually took his glasses off.

"We are friends right?" I ask before I go on.

"Oh course" he says looking at me with concern.

"So what I am about to tell you is between us as friends and not as Cas's ex and his older brother."

"Yes" not breaking contact. I always hated how the Novak's could always look at you with out blinking. It's just weird.

"Fine" I say before taking a deep breathe. "Look, I loved your brother and wanted to be with him but in the back of my mind I always knew that one day I would get over my sickness and break his heart. I'm just glad you bought Cornell to my attention because I realize that I would hurt him and he would before full of regret."

"I don't believe this." He says in such a soft tone. I don't know this tone and now I don't know what is going t happen next.

"Believe it." I say looking the ground. I feel so shame and guilt.

"I refuse to. Deano you're not sick. " he says with such reassuring.

"Yes I am." I say getting angry as I stand up. How dare he try and tell me this. Who the hell is does he think I am. He doesn't know what is going with me.

"No you're not." He says standing up keeping that calm tone.

"Fuck you. I came here to talk and all you're are going to do is go against what I have to say. Why could you just see I needed a friend. I just needed one to listen. I don't need your wrong opinions. I say yelling in his face.

"Wrong is that what you think. Dean there is nothing wrong with you. You were just born different. There is nothing wrong with that. He says as he places his hands on my shoulders.

"I was not born this way. This just happen to me." I say upset. I feel like I can cry and punch someone.

"No I'm not. You are just scared, but you don't have to be. I am your friend I will stand beside you and help you get through this. I will because one day you will feel like everything you are doing is write. One day everything will be better and you will find peace."

"You are right about one thing. I will find peace." I say right before I knck his hand s off of me before I start to storm away.

"Deano, wait." He yells as I start to take a feet.

"No, Gabriel I won't. I have let this consume me for too long it's time I deal with this. " I say with my back towards him. I can feel him standing behind me but I refuse to look at him. If I do we might fight but I don't want to hit him.

"How are you going to fix this? What are you going to do?" Okay that was concern. I know he is concerned but he has no reason to be.

"The only way I know how?" I say.

"Can you just tell me how? Regardless of anything I am here for you. Maybe I can help you." He says pleading. Wow I didn't think Gabriel knew how to beg anyone that wasn't Jo.

"Thanks buddy" I say as I look over my shoulder. Inside I want to hurt someone but on the outside I am remaining calm.

"Good, now tell me how I can help.  
"You can't help." I say over my shoulder. "I am going to fix this and I only know one way to do this and I don't need you to do this."

"Yeah and how is that?" he asks like he whenever he thinks I am doing something stupid. Him acting like this is why I am furious.

"The only way I know how. I am going to go to Anna's house and fuck her. If I can do that then I know I can eventually kick this."

I didn't wait for Gabriel to respond. I know he was saying something when I left but I paid him no mind. Coming here was a mistake and I know that now. Just like I now know I can't talk to him ever again about this. I see I am now alone in this world but it's okay because I know two things. One I will get over this one day and two even if I do get over this, I will always love Cas.

Confused, well welcome to my life

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**don't forget to tell me what you think. **

**Have any questions? let me know i will happily answer them.**

**hope you like next chapter will be told from jo's pov but you are going want to read it. it catches up with her amd cas **


	8. Chapter 8 Jo

**Hello Every one, I hope you a safe holiday weekend. **

**Here is the next chapter. There won't be another update for at least a week. I have a crazy work schedule over the next week and i won't have time to write but i will be back.**

**For my viewers who like to skip over the gabe and jo chapters you are going want to do it this time. You skip this you will miss something.**

**To arkam zombie thank you for the review and to answer your questions there will be four stories. I originally planned the first one to be two but i decided against because i have a another story in mind. I am sorry for any confession. I hope you like this chapter.**

**SO with without anything else to say i give Jo**

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**Chapter 8 Jo **

"HEY J.B." What the hell you doing in there, playing with yourself." Megs says as she pulls my dressing room door open to find me staring at myself. I think she is the only one that doesn't call me Jo besides Gabriel. Gabriel still calls me cotton to this day. It was name I once liked but now every time he says it, something doesn't feel right. I guess it's because me and me are clicking like we should lately.

"You know I like to stare at myself too but I usually do that in the privacy of my own room. " she says as she makes eye contact with me in the mirror."

"Sorry" I say giving her a smile.

"What's wrong?" She says after I turn around to look at her.

"Nothing worth mentioning." I say as I hold my left in hand in my right. Lately my hand has been feeling a little heavy. Ever since Gabriel gave me a pre engagement ring with the promise of a better one, it's been hard to lift my hand up. I know it sounds stupid but I don't feel right wearing his ring. I wish I felt differently but I don't.

"Bull shit."

"Meg I promise it's stupid." I say as I eye my beautiful expensive ring that I have no idea how he paid for it.

"I don't buy it." She says folding her arms and to give a death stare.

"You are just like a bull dog." I say with a chuckle. It's typical of her to do this. Whenever I am bothered with something she always forces me to talk about it and I love her for it. Whenever we talk she helps see clearly. That was something I use to do with my boyfriend but talking to him now is like talking to a wall.

"Well it is one of my responsibilities as you best friend."

"You're right but I don't think we should talk about it here."

"Your right we shouldn't stand here and have a whole conversation but we can start. Don't want people thinking we're screwing in here." She says with a sly smile.

"Oh you'd be so lucky." I say as I start to take the green cocktail dress I had tried on.

"Yeah yeah." She says flagging me off. "SO are you going to get it. You look hot in it. I was almost jealous when I walked in here."

"Almost" I say as the dress drops to the floor and I pick up my shorts.

"Yeah almost but then I remember how beautiful I am and was like why can't we both be hot."

"True" I say as I bottom them.

"So are you." She picking it up to put it on a hanger.  
"No, I can't afford it.: I say a little disappointed.

"In what world." She says turning to give a mock look of shock.

"In mine. I am a bartender who has to pay bills. That dress cost half of what I made the other night. Then you add in shoes and accessories everything I made would be gone." I say as I but my tank top back on and slip into my flip flops.

"That would be logical if you didn't have a boyfriend who spends money on you. I mean come Gabriel has some serious bank." She says as we exit the dressing room.

"My boyfriend is a cashier at a gas station. He makes minim wage and yet he continues to rack up serious debt. I will not be part of any of it." I say as we exit the store.

"Is that's what's wrong. You think Gabriel is spending more money than he has."

"Yes and whenever I try to bring up the subject of money he blows me off. I love him and want to be with him but I don't want to be with him while we live in a cardboard box."

"Are you sure you're not missing anything. He could have another source of income."

"Like what" I ask as we pass some stores to walk towards the food court located in the center of the mall.

"Maybe he has some money from left from when his mom died." She says as we take a seat.

"No I remember him saying after she died, after they buried her, whatever money was left over went to paying off there old house. " I say as I place my hand in my left cheek. It's like the ring is burning my face.

"Well there you go. Didn't they finally sell that house last year? Maybe he took what he got for that house to buy you this beautiful new one."

Maybe" I say as I think about it. It could a reason but it still doesn't make sense. "If that was the case why didn't he just tell me."

"Because men are morons. Come one you lived with biggest one of them your whole life." She says referring to Dean but I doubt I had to tell you that.

"Hey, that's my cousin." I say acting like I was offended.

"It's true and we both know it." I say nothing I just stick my tongue out at her thinking about what she said.

"Okay." I say after a few minutes of thought. "If what you are saying is true then how I can I know for sure.

"Well I see it three ways. One way is to just trust him and just wait for him to tell you in his own time. Maybe you hounding him is making him not want to tell you."

"No, I let this go for a while and I think wanting to know how our bills are paid isn't wrong."

"Okay pause, if he is paying all the bills why are you budgeting your money." She ask confused.

"Well one day I expect for everything to catch up with us and he won't have any money. So I am saving for a rainy day."

"That's smart."

"What's number two?"

"OH number two you can check his bank statements and see what is really going." I say as I feel guilty about the fact I might actually have to do this.

"I could. HE doesn't get paper statements. Everything is online but I'm sure I can guess his password." I say as I find it odd that I know all of his passwords but this one. That's really werid.

"And three you could just ask Castiel."

"I could- wait where is he." I can't believe I forgot he came with us. He had been with us the last two hours but he disappeared when I went to try on that dress. Damn it where the hell is he. HE has been acting really weird lately. I mean he is actually acting like he is all fine and dandy. Even after I heard what happen when he tried to pay Dean a visit. Which reminds I need to rip him a new one when I see him. He wants to get over guys but he is still fucking him. In what world does that make sense? Okay I need to calm down because between him and Gabriel I think I might actually explode but then again I think Cas might be the pone to explode more. Sure he seems fine but there is always a calm before the storm.

"Oh, he said something about going to Barn and Noble to get anew book.

"AND YOU LET HIM!" I yell as I spring from my chair.

"Yeah I didn't think it was a big deal." She says confused.

"WELL IT IS!" I say as I grab her by the arm to race to Barn and Noble. What is wrong with him? How can he do this? I hope he isn't doing what I think he is. I can't take anymore bullshit.

"Care to tell me what the problem is." Once we get into the store. I ignore her and rapidly start to search for him. I finally spot him near the in house Starbucks talking to a waiter.

"Shit" I say as I pull her inside an aisle and try to think about what to do next.

"Seriously what is the problem?" Meg asks half annoyed and half curious.

"He is. Him talking to that girl. He can't be doing that."

"Seriously, I know I said I wanted to hook up with him again but that doesn't mean he can't hook up with other people. I don't think of him like that no more." She says like she is actually flattered.

"Do you really think I drag you half way across the mall because I had a hunch he was hitting on a red head."

"Well when you put it like that." She says rolling her eyes.

"I thought so" as I turn to watch him still talk to Anna. It looks like he is flirting with her and it looks like she likes it but she is fighting his charms. I guess that's a good thing but I really wouldn't blame her if she gave in. She has been with Dean for almost a year and they haven't done the deed. I don't know how that go on.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on or do I have to figure it my damn self."

"Fine" I say as I turn around to face her. I started to tell her but Cas finally started walking by. Without any warning grab him and throw him up against a bookshelf. I'm pretty sure it made a bang. I hope no employees come looking.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say as I press against him giving him an angry glare.

"Jo if I didn't know you like to play rough." He says with a small smile yet sexy smile.

"Don't play cute with me. I know what you were doing?" I say hold my glare.

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. That is your favorite line." I say still gripping his shirt. He kind of smells nice. I think it's sandalwood.

"Forgive me for buying a book but I don't understand why you are so upset with me. I can only watch you guys change so many times." He is so full of shit. He use to spend hours with me at the mall watching me try everything from earrings to shoes and now he had grown tired.

"Bullshit." I say getting angry. I thought these days were over and now some type of drama is starting he doesn't have to say it., but I know him and I know how our little group works. IT's one of my many problems right now.

"How is me buying a book wrong?" He ask with such an innocent face. Anybody else might buy it but I know him and I can feel him lying to me.

"You have a kindle, why couldn't you download your book." I say as I feel Meg galre at me.

"Sometimes I like to actually feel a book in my hand. IS that so wrong?' IT wouldn't be if I didn't know Gabriel let it sleep Dean had a girlfriend named Anna who just happen to work at this store and he was talking to her.

"I don't know you tell me." I say giving him a look letting him know I know.

"Jo I don't know what you are trying to say but I just wanted to buy a book." He says still keeping that innocent face.

"What about the girl you were talking to?" I ask as I start to feel myself let it go but I see he isn't going to budge.

"She was cute but I am more interested in seeing a certain brunette try on Victoria Secret's "he says giving Mega wink. I don't have to look behind me to know Meg is giving him some kind of sex face.

"Fine I say letting him go, but if you too want to be freaky do it on your own time." I say as I start to march away from them too. I'll let it go. I am tired of getting in the middle. Cas just lied to me. HE knows it and I know it but I no longer care what goes on. I need to focus on my relationship and making it work. I love Gabriel too much just to let him now.

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**So what do you think?**

**DO you think Cas was playing dumb.**

**Do you think Jo might have a thing for cas and vice versa**

**DO you think there is any hope for Jo and Gabe.**

**Do you think Gabe will finally tell Jo where is money is coming from and why he is spending it**

**How bad so you want Dean CAs to see each other for the first time in like a year.**

**Here's an idea. Who's pov would you like to see next cas, dean, jo, Gabriel, meg, etc. I can write anyone that has already been mentioned. I can even do anna if you want. **

**Ask and you shall receive **

**Until next time everyone **


	9. Chapter 9 Destiel

**Guess who got off early tonight and had nothing to do. When i say early i mean before closing but it's still to late to do anything. Any who i got bored and wrote this. Warning i had wine before i wrote this. I hope you like.**

**To Alice: I did spilt the chapter but i could do it all honey. I promise you will get it really really soon but i didn't want to rush it. I should be back next time in the next seven days to update. hope you like**

**to the rest of you. Tell me what you think and i will try to get back to you in less than seven days **

**so review and i shall update**

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**Chapter 9 Dean **

What happen to the days where girls wanted to wait? I use to hear stories in high school about guys who girlfriends wouldn't give it up. Hell I had one there for a while but of course she changed her mind. Even then I managed to have sex with her. What happen to me? I have a smoking hot girlfriend who never really pressed the sex issue until a week ago. I have no idea what happen. Maybe it was me sending her vibes though the universe or whatever you want to call it.

All I know is last week when I was at Gabriel I left there hell bent of banging her. I was ready to do until I realized I had some time to kill since she was at work. I wish I didn't. Somewhere in between me leaving his house and me at home getting the nerve up to actually do it, and me getting a text for me to meet her after work. I lost all interest. Again I wish I hadn't. When I got there she was naked and ready to go. Soon as I walked through the door she jumped on me and wanted me right there on the floor. Hot right, I was thinking the same thing.

There she was straddling me on the floor kissing me grinding against my body and I couldn't get it up. I mean not even semi hard. There was nothing there. I was so embarrassed. Of course I was more embarrassed once she noticed. She didn't say anything she just looked at me with such disappointment in her eyes. I wanted to kill myself. How can I not want her? I want to want her. I need to want her but I can't and it's not like I could tell her about my struggles.

She started to say something but I didn't want to hear it so I shut her up the only way I knew how. I flipped her over and went down on her until she begged me to stop. Okay so Gabriel says he loves doing it and it turns him on even more. I found it nasty and disgusting and any other word you can think of. I think I almost gaged a couple times. I almost stopped like ten times but I didn't. I kept thinking about her eyes and it made me keep going. She finally stopped me after like twenty minutes and two orgasms later. I was actually proud of myself when I was done. I never done it before but I just mimic the motions I use to feel Cas do on me. Plus that look was gone from her eyes.

The look was gone that day but it returned the next day when I saw her and it hasn't left her eyes all week. Every time I see her I feel worse and worse and I need to make it go away.I don't think I can go down on her again but I do think there is something else I can do. I can actually have sex with her but I realize now I need help.

"So can you help me?" I ask to Jo. IT's the second time I have asked her but she is ignoring me. Everything I have just told you I told her but she doesn't seem to care. She is too busy with her back turned to me on what looks like Gabriel's computer.

"What's" she says without even turning to look at me.

"I said can you help me?" I say as I sit on the edge of her and Gabriel bed. I didn't want lay back on it. I try to keep away from the stories of their sex life but sometimes things slip out and well you get the picture.

"Help you with what?" she says as she half turns to look at me.

"You're not even listening to me?" I say a little annoyed.

'Seriously." She deadpans "Dean I have listen to talk about this subject for five years now. I never missed a word. SO forgive me if once every five years I miss a sentence or too." She says giving me a look telling me I better not challenge her.

"SO you heard some of it." I say in a very careful voice.

"All but how I can help you." She says confused as she leans both arms on the back of her chair.

"I need to have sex with my girlfriend but I can't get it up." I say feel ashamed. "SO I need to get some assistance and since I can't go to a store to buy what I need. I was wondering if you knew someone at work that could help me." I say looking at the floor.

I counted the seconds until she answered me. It took her 271 seconds before she opened her mouth. "You can't be serious. You want to help you get boner pills from the local dealer who just happens to hang out at my job." She says like she is pissed off.

"Well what else am I supposed to do?" I say as start to the hard wood panels in their bedroom.

Sixty three is what I got to before she answered me again. "Fine" is all she said before she turn towards the computer to finish whatever she was doing.

To say I am shocked is an understatement. I expected an argument or some kind of speech before I at least got her to agree to let come to work with her.

"Fine." I ask as I get up to stand beside her. Once I am standing beside her she doesn't say anything. She keeps looking some kind of file on the screen. This doesn't feel right. This is not the Jo that I know. "Jo, you can't just say fine and expect me to be okay with it."

"What would you like me to say Dean?" she ask annoyed. She doesn't even look at me.

"I don't know. Usually you agrue with me if you don't agree. Wait are you telling me that you agree to what I doing?" I ask feeling ineasy.

"NO Dean, I don't but I learned a long time ago you are going to do what you want. I am done getting in the middle. It's your life." She says looking at me. I can't read her face. I usually can but the express she has is something new.

"Really?" I had to ask even though I am sure she is ready to hit me. This just doesn't seem real.

"Yes, really. You can come to work with me and get what you need, but only if you get the hell out my house and just meet me at six." She says pointing her finger at me.

"You got it." I say before I make a bee line for the door. I am not about look a gifted horse in the mouth.

**Cas**

I lied to Jo. I never lie to her. I have lied to my both of my brothers, I have lied to my father, I lied to my deceased mother, and I have even lied to Dean. I know it seems like I am honest person but I have lied to many people for many people for what I like to think is the right reasons but I have never lied to Jo. I have always been honest with her and a week ago I lied to her. I feel terrible about it. I can see why Gabriel and Dean have lied to her. She can come across hostile and hard to talk at times but she has never been that way to me. To me she has always been this person that can read what you need and want and can somehow find a balance between it and make me feel at ease. She is my best friend and I feel terrible for lying to her but I had too.

When I found out Dean had a girlfriend named Anna I didn't react how I thought I would. When I look back at it I thought I would feel all kinds of emotions but I didn't. I only felt one kind. I felt curious. So I found out who she was. I won't bore you with the detail but I found out she worked at Barns and Noble in the same mall Jo and Meg likes to shop at. So I invited myself along for the trip and found a way to sneak away. AT first I just wanted to see her, and have a small conversation with her. I swear I must have been there a half hour before I actually found her. See at first I wanted to just check her out but now I have found myself drawn to her for some unknown reason. For that I have returned here every day hoping to see her. I have hoped to talk to her. I have only had four conversations with her but I return here every day and will continue to do so until I form whatever kind of connect I am supposed to have with her. Maybe it's the red hair maybe it's the sad eyes but something about her keeps me coming back.

I have to admit she is beautiful. Dean knows how to pick as my brother and Jo would call them beards. Dean knows how to pick his beards well. From the brief four conversation I have had with her I can see she is smart and witty. From my time in New York I have learned that is something you don't find in either every man or women you meet.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asks breaking me out of my train of thought. I look up at her trying to gather my words. Being around her make me nervous, sad, and scared at the same time.

"I believe you just did." I say as I look up from my mystery novel. I have been reading the same page for twenty minutes. I keep watching her as she works. I don't understand what Dean see's in her besides the obvious lady parts.

"Smart ass" She says rolling her eyes as she leans on the table with one hand.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be I like it." She says giving me a warm smile.

"Fine but what did you want to know."

"Okay so know I said I have a few questions but it's actually more than one." She says still giving me such a smile. Her smile is beautiful but it's no different from Bella's and Dean didn't love her.

"YOU come here every day. At least I think you do. I have only worked four days out of the last week. That isn't counting the day we met. You come here and stay for hours. Now usually people who come write and order coffee and ignore me. They never make conversation. They tip me lousy but you never do. SO why is that? Now hear me out. I am not trying to over step but you look lost or something. Why are you here?' She says finally taking a breather.

"I look lost." I say in shock. I don't feel lost and yet she sees it. Normally if Jo or Gabriel said such a thing I would argue them down. All three are wrong though. To feel lost you would have to feel something but I don't feel anything.,

"Yes and I want to know why/" she says as she sits in the chair next to me.

"I am not lost." I say confused as I look at her.

"Sure and I am a naturally red head." She says as she runs her fingers though her hair while connect her eyes at me and giving me another warm smile.

"I thought so." I say as I smile back.

'OH come oh tell me. You have talked to me more than anybody who has come in here and I consider that a sign. Plus I find myself wanting to know more than your name." she says as she places her hands on mine.  
"Your boyfriend won't mind." I say thinking of Dean.

"We aren't talking about me. We are talking about you?" She says now changing her smile from warm to devious.

"I don't think that is fare." I say still holding her hands.

"Your right….. SO how about you meet me around seven and we will have drinks and we trade secrets, but only as friends." She says as she pulls a hand out to point at.

"That sounds great but I am still under age. " I am feeling my excitement die down thanks to the legal drinking age.

"Not to worry, I know a place and a bartender who will serve us." She says flagging me off.

"You do?" I say faking shock but I think I know where and who she is talking about.

"I do so don't worry. SO meet me here at 6:30 and we will go."

"Sounds good" is all I can say as I eternally damn myself. I know we are going to Jo's job and know her. MY cover might be blown. Shit Shit shit.

**to be continued ...**

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**SO what do you think will happen?**

**What do you think overall.**

**Please tell me.**


	10. Chapter 10 Jo Dean

**So i got off of work early then expected and had some time to kill. So i wrote this. Hope you like.**

**to Alice i hope you like and this chapter makes you happy.**

**This chapter is split into two parts first jo and then Dean **

**don't forget to review.**

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**Chapter 11 Jo**

Of all the dumbest, stupidest, idiotic things Dean has done and said over the years. I think tonight he has reached a new level tonight. He is actually in the bathroom right now trying to by boner pills. He is such an idiot. Did he even think this though? What drug dealer carries that shit. I mean sure this guy can get you anything you need but come on Viagra though. Really.

I think I might have lost some respect for him today. When he told me this it took every ounce of strength in to not smack and yell at him. I am actually proud of myself. It's hard but I told myself that I am not getting involved anymore. I refuse to. Nothing good ever comes and plus I have my own problems. Call me selfish if you want but I am choosing to focus on my relationship instead of this Destiel bull shit. Can I even call them that? They aren't together. Hell they haven't even seen or spoken in over a year. You know what fuck it. Just me thinking about it is me getting involved.

Instead I am going to focus on getting though tonight. It's Wednesday and it's always dead. I am lucky to walk out of here with fifty bucks, but the other two days I work more than makes up for it. IT's just it sucks that tonight will be boring. I could talk to Dean's new friend but I rather keep my hands clean just in case he ever has any legal trouble. If anybody were to ever ask I would say I just poured the man drinks. I didn't even introduce him to Dean. I made him to do it himself.

Yup, tonight is going to be boring, Then again maybe not. You are not going to believe what I am looking at right now. Well maybe you will. Anna and Cas just walked into my bar together. They are together here. It doesn't shock me that he is with her or whatever he is going to call it but the fact that he actually bought her here. The fuck is worng with everybody. I think I might be the only sane one left. Oh shit they are walking right up to me. Okay time to put my game face on.

"Hey" I say as cheerful as I can. I am actually discussed at how well I can fake it. I think I really need to start making some changes in my life.

"Hey Jo" Anna says as they both take seats in front of me.

"Hey what are you doing here?" I say keeping my fake smile.

"Oh I just wanted to take my friend Clarence out for a drink but someone won't be twentt one for another year and some months." She says as she places her hand on his shoulder as he gives me an innocent grin.

"Clarence hun" I say as I fight the erg to just yell. I hate that I always want to yell. I don't want this. I just want to have some fun in my life and not have all this bull shit going on.

"Yeah oh forgive me Clarence this is Jo."

"OH you don't have to introduce us. We already know each other. Don't we Clarence." I know this might look like I am getting involved but I'm not. I really aren't. I am just trying to make sure that I don't have to cover up anymore lies later down the line if and when she fionds out he lives with me.

"Really" she says as the look in her eye changes.

"Yes. Jo and I live together."

"You do?" she says a little scared now. She is trying to play it off but I can see she didn't expect this.

"Yes she just happens to be my the love of my cousin Gabriel life." He says ever so flawlessly. I can't believe how natural it was for him to say that,\

"Really" she says keeping her cool.

"Yes" I say ever so happy as I am burning up on the inside. Did he really think I'd play along and act like I didn't know him? He didn't even ask me first. He just blind sides me after he lied to me last week. HE has some nerve.

"Right, so I am going to head to the bathroom and you can other a round of drinks." He says as he stands up to order drinks. I should warn him that Dean is in the bathroom. That would be the right thing to do, but I won't. I can clearly see Cas is in the middle of some kind of break down that Dean triggered last year. Maybe seeing him will help him with whatever is going on with him. Maybe him seeing Dean will help snap him out of it. Yeah Yeah I know that is getting involved but I can't help it this time. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. \

"So what will it be?" I say once he is gone.

"It's not what you think." She says almost pleading with me.

"I don't think anything. Now what will it be." I say as I left a glass up."

"Dean told me you always have an opinion about everything but not in a bad way. So I know you must be thinking something. Yeah I'm thinking what's going on in the bathroom. I see Dean's new friend sitting at a table but no Dean in sight.

"Look Anna, it's okay I get it. I know what happen between you and Dean and I get it. You two aren't having sex like never then what happened happens and then some guy I'm guessing you met at work knowing him ask you out. You being frustrated and not thinking said yes." I say as I place the glass down.

"I asked him out" she blurted out.

"Why?" I ask like I don't know. She isn't a dumb girl. No woman is when it comes to cheating. If she really wanted to cheat she wouldn't have bought him here. No she bought him here so I'd see her and I run back and tell Dean. Oh this bitch. Are there no more straight forward people in the world? I am actually start to wish tonight would have just stayed dead.

"I think you know" she says ashamed.

"I do and I hate to tell you this but I am not telling Dean. I'm not getting involved and plus he is here."

"What? Where?" she says panicking as she starts looking around.

"Doesn't matter." I say as I found myself about to lie. I actually was about to tell her Dean was in the back getting me beer. I actually was about to lie without thinking.

"Right." She says standing up.

"Where you going?" I ask as I notice she was about to leave.

"This was a bad idea. I'm leaving. I need to handle this differently." She says before she heads though the door. God I hope she meant that. It would be nice to know one person who really thinks.

Okay she's gone and I don't have to worry about that situation I only have one left to deal with and I can go back to having a boring night. Hell I'd take several boring night. I know it's worng but I miss the days when Cas was in New York. Ever sense he been back it's like things have become intense. Yes Gabriel and me had some arguments but our problems really did start to right around the time he called and said he was going home. Okay I'm lying. We had problems but they just didn't feel as bad, but if you take away the one thing that is wrong everything was right. Meg and Dean called it boring but I loved every boring minute of it.

Now don't get me wrong I am not blaming Cas for anything. If I did have to blame anyone it would be Dean. I get at first he had trouble but damn it it's been five years and it seems like we are still in ninth grade and I hate it. I just want things to change.

"See ya Jo" Deans says as he pops out of now where.

"You get what you need?"

"Like you care." He snaps at me before he storms out the door. I think he might me mad at me and I frankly don't care. Guess he ran into Cas in the bathroom. I wonder what happen.

'Thanks a lot." Right on que.

"You're welcome. What did I do?" Like I don't know.

"You could have told me Dean was here." He says.

"I thought you didn't care." I say as I pull out two shot glasses and a bottle of Jack.

"I don't but I was here with Anna, who I'm guessing has left." He says loking around.

"Yup" I say as I pour us a shot.

"Thanks" he says as he owns both shots back to back.

"You know for someone who doesn't care, downing those two shots sure does look like it." I say as I por two more. Maybe he'll let me actually drink one this time.

"I don't. It's just things could have gotten awkward or whatever if he saw I was here with her. " he says he takes another shot.

"IF you say so." I say as I pull a bottle of beer of the well and hand it to him.

"Thanks" he says before he takes a swig. "Okay let me hear it."

"Hear what." I say playing innocent.

"Oh come on. I know you have something to say. I know you must be mad I lied to you." I knew it. I knew he lied to me.

"I have nothing to say."

"Nothing." He says looking at me as he holds his beer to his motuh.

"Nope."

"Now you're lying to me."

"I don't lie."

"You are now."

"No I'm not. I just want to know one thing."

"I knew it." He says with a smile.

"Are you going to keep me company all night or are you leaving early too."

"That depends. Are you going to act like you have no opinion at all about me showing up with Anna?"

"No." I say as I fight the erg to do what I am known for.

"OH I get it."

"Get what?"

"You are using reverse psychology on me. You think if you say nothing. I will tell you everything."

"No" I say with a chuckle.

"NO what?' she says lifting an eyebrow.

"Just no okay. I know you think I am thinking something but no."

"SO you really have nothing to say."

"Nope" I say as I take a shot.

"Your lying but I'll leave it alone. This way we'll be even."

"Sure" I say as I pour us two more shots.

"So are you going to ask me about what happen in the bathroom."

"DO you want to talk about?" I say so calm and cool but really it's the only thing that has been on my mind since he took the first two shots. I am dying to know what happen.

"NO" he says taking the shot.

"Well okay. Let's get you drunk then." I say as I give him another shot.

**Dean**

OF all the things I imagined would happen today I never for once thought I would see him. I guess it's true what they say. Stop thinking about someone for a second and they will appear. I think I said it wrong but it happen. I ran into him at the sketchy bar that Jo works at. To make it worse he walked in right after I got finished making a business transaction.

I didn't get the pills, at least not today. At first the guy laughed he thought it was a joke but after he realize I was serious he said he didn't have any but he could get me some. He promised to get me what I need in three days and that I should come back then He did offer me some E. I thought about taking it but I don't I can wait three days for something I know I won't get addicted to.

I wish my night ended there but so as he walks out the door he comes in. At first I thought I was imagining things. None of this was real. I haven't seen him and so long and the by chance he just walks into the bathroom. No it wasn't real. None of this was real. Not him and not the way I was feeling.

On the outside I know I looked unfazed and frozen but on the inside I was in pain. My heart started jumping to fast I thought I was going to have an heart attack. My body started sweating as my stomach start doing flips. I was in the worse possible and all I wanted to do was just touch him. All I wanted to do was go back a year and change everything. I knew I missed him but I never knew how much until that moment.

Seeing him stand there looking at me the way he always did made me want to break down. I want to tell him I loved him and I was so sorry but I did nothing. I just stood there frozen like some kind of coward. I hated myself in that moment. Everything I am feeling is my fault. I did this and now I have deal with it. I have to deal with the fact that it's over between us. I have to deal with whatever he is about to do.

I thought he was going to hit me. I thought he was going do something but he did nothing. He just politely said hello and asks how I have been and I gave him one word responses. I came off so cold but I was nervous. I was too scared to do anything.

I just stared at him and then left once he excused himself to use the bathroom. I just ran out of the bathroom feeling angry. I as no I am so mad at Jo. How could she not give a heads up text? That's not like her. Something is up with her. Whatever is going on with her she is starting to change and not in a good way? She had some nerve to actually try and ask me if I got what I needed. It's not like she cared. If she did, tonight wouldn't have happened.

I just can't believe it. I saw the one person I probably will ever love and I couldn't even muster up two words to him. Tonight was my chance and l blew it. I will never get another chance

"_Tap Tap Tap"_ What was that? I know that sound. I use to live for that sound. Every night for four years I use to wait for that sound.

"Cas" I say out loud as I look over to my window. It's him. Castiel Novak is at my window again.

"Hello Dean" he says after I open my window. I swear I must be dreaming. I must have fell asleep at some point. I know I was lying in bed and somewhere pass the last six hours I must have fallen asleep.

"How? Why?" I say. I am starting to lose my train of thought.

"Are you going to let me in?" he says with a sexy smirk.

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**so what did you think?**

**Any comment or question let me know. Who's pov CAs or Dean **

**hope you excited for the next chapter. I have to actually close tomorrow so i won't be back for a couple days maybe Wednesday if you are wondering**


	11. Chapter 11 Castiel

**Hey guys. I'm back with a new chapter hope you like. Don't forget to review.**

**Thank you sonya for the review. Hey babe better late then never right. Hope you like Cas in this one. I was trying for something a little different. **

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**C****hapter 12 Castiel**

When you love someone heart and soul and they leave you. You are supposed to feel things. You are supposed to feel things like pain, anger, and hate. When they leave you with out an explanation, you are supposed to drive yourself crazy looking for answers. When you break up with this person you are supposed to feel something. Things like happiness anger, hate, you name it you are supposed to feel it. You are supposed to feel like you are going to die.

Dean broke up with me and I did get angry and sad. For a day I broke down and felt all of these emotions. I cried in my brother's arms until I fell asleep. For twenty four hours I was able to feel. Then I feel asleep. I fell into this deep peaceful sleep where I had happy dreams and was so relaxed. Nothing was wrong but then I woke up.

I woke up and I could feel nothing. I couldn't feel the sir from my air conditioner, I didn't feel the sheets on my skin, and I could feel the huger in my stomach. Don't get me wrong I knew the air conditioner was keeping me cool, I knew the sheets were on my skin, and I knew I was hungry but I couldn't feel them. It was like my body broke into two parts. It was like the part of my brain that knew all these things still worked but the part that help me feel these things had broken. What I am saying I could feel it physically but I couldn't feel it emotionally.

The part of my brain that helped me feel was gone and I didn't know how to fix it. So I laid in bed all summer thinking how can I get it back. How can I feel again? Nothing else matted. All I wanted to do was to feel. I spent the whole summer trying to figure it out but it didn't seem like it. It felt like two days but when Gabriel came to me and told me it was time to start college I learned I spent the whole summer.

I can't remember anything from last year. I can't remember eating, I can't remember going to the bathroom, I can't remember him coming in my room and talking to be. All I remember is lying in bed trying to remember how to feel.

I wanted to feel but there was something telling me I didn't want to. Of course I didn't listen. I went to New York trying to feel but it didn't happen. It was like the more I tried to feel the more this nagging feeling told me no and made it harder. So somewhere around Thanksgiving I decided to give up and just enjoy the fact what I could do.

Me giving up gave a new found freedom. Now I have always been able to have one night stands but that was only when I was looking for a distraction so I was interested in seeing how I could have sex without being able to feel nothing. Turns out it was easier than you would think. I spent months hooking up with all types of people. I hooked up with girls and guys of all kinds feeling nothing. I will admit that a part of me wanted to get that part back but I tried. Nothing happen if you are wondering.

Nothing happen until I met this guy. I don't really want to talk about him and what happen between us but I will tell you this. He helped me realize what that feeling was. He helped me realize I couldn't feel. It became so clear me. I couldn't feel because of Dean. How did I miss it? Me not be able to feel all started with him and I realize if I wanted to feel I need to get back with him. I loved him and he did something to me that only he could cure.

Just being near him is helping me feel again. I'm still not angry. I'm still not hurt but I am able to feel things. IT's only small things but I am still able to feel and I am not ready to give that up.

Soon as I arrived in Lawrence I started feeling something. I think it was nerves but I welcomed it because it was more than what I felt in a year. When I went to see him that night Gabriel tagged along I knew I was going to feel something and I did. I just don't know what it is. It isn't jealousy or anger but it was something. It was something I couldn't identify but it was a feeling I wasn't ready to talk about because I didn't know what it was and I still don't know.

The same feeling came again when I saw him in the bathroom. Jo might not think I know what I going on with her but I know. She is fed up and doesn't want any part of what is going on and if I had my way I would have never put her in the situation with Anna. I had a feeling she was taking me to her bar but I didn't realize until we arrived. Then it was too late.

Okay so I will fast forward. I went to the bathroom and there Dean was. I was shocked to see him there. I didn't know what to say or do but something happened. When I felt him I felt something. What is was I still don't know but for the first time I felt my heart beat. I felt it beat for real. I knew in that moment I knew only he could make me feel.

Feeling something did something to me. It's like I turned into an addict and he was my only drug. I wanted to feel more. I need more but I fought it. I fought it because I did want to fall off the wagon. So I made small talk and took a piss. I thought it ended it there.

I thought it ended there but Jo kept serving me drinks. I took every drink with the new found hope that I would fight the erg but with every drink I took I just wanted him more. Finally I couldn't fight it. I am junkie and I need my fix.

So I went to his house. I climbed that oh so familiar tree and asked him to come in. Now I am laying on top on him kissing him with such hunger I never want it to stop. I am kissing him and it's like every emotion I ever felt is hitting me at once. It's all hitting me and I have no idea what I am feeling. All I know it is feeling good.

"OH my god Cas" he says after breaking the kiss as he looks into my eyes. My emotions are getting stronger.

"Shut up" I say in such a growl before I start sucking on his neck so hard I know I am going to leave hickies but I don't care. Can you believe I actually don't care? I was so lost I didn't know what not caring was.

"But-" I don't let him talk. I attack his moth as my hands heads toward his pants. In one quick motion I undo his pants and yank them off. I kiss him as I rip his underwear. I press myself up against him and start grinding on him as I kiss him tasting whatever it is I am tasting .

"You will not speak." I command once I stop kissing him. HE looks at me with such fear and I love it. HE takes a deep breath before he says "Yes Sir."

"I love it when you are such a good little bitch." I say before I flip him over. I can feel but the more he looks me in the eye the less I enjoy feeling. I just want to feel tonight. I don't want to know what I am feeling. "Arch that sexy back of your" I command as I conclude that the shirt he is wearing is good enough. I need to see all skin.

"Yes sir." He says as he gets on all fours with an arch back.

"From now on the only thing you are allowed to say is yes sir." I growl as I rip his shirt in half. Seeing his bare skin just waiting my command makes my dick harder than it has ever been.

"Yes" he whimpers.

"Yes what" I command as I smack him across the ass as hard as I can. He says nothing he just lets out a sexy whimper that only drive me crazy. " Do you want to fuck you Dean" I say as I start grind into him. I still have my jeans on and it hurts but will not pull them down unless he says what I want him to say.

"Yes sir" he cries out. Thank god he did. My dick was start to hurt.

"Good boy I say as I lick down his spine while I undo my jeans. The air hitting me me feels so good. I could enter right now but I don't. Instead I place my tip at his and run it up and down causing him to tremble. Oh I love it when he is like this.

"Cas" he begs.

"What was that?" I say as I place my tip at his hole teasing him.

"Sir" he corrects in such a wimpy voice. "Please…fuck me"

"You want me inside of you." I say as I replace my cock with the tip of my finger. I hog spit his whole before I start to trace my finger around his whole.

"Yes, please. Fuck me." He begs.

"You want me to fuck you good. You want me to fuck you hard." I say as I place my pointer finger inside of him. I jam it all the way in. I don't stop until I hit his sweet spot.

"Yes." He cries out once I have entered a second and am now hitting his sweet spot.

"Yes what" I say as I spank him with my other hand.

"Yes sir." He cries out as he tries to press against my hand.

"Did I say you could move?" I growl as I pull my hand out.

"No Sir." He says with as in the air. I want to jam my tongue in there so bad but he doesn't deserve it. Instead of jamming my tongue in his ass I reach into my pocket which is now arounfd my thighs for the lube I bought half hour before I got here. Yes I did stop at an all night CVS to buy some.

"Good boy" I say as I pour lube down the crack of his beautiful pink ass.

"Casss" he moans as I sink my yeeth into his right butt check. He cries out in such a sexy whimper.

"You don't listen." I say as I jam my thumb inside of him. "You like what I'm going?" I ask as I bring my thumb to the surface. I start to rub his hole in a circular motion as I dive head first to his balls. I swallow them as I start to a make a humming sound on them. "You like that Dean."

"Yesss" he moans as I continue to move my thumb.

"Yes what." I say as I spank him with my free hand.

"Yes sir." He says breathless.

"You want me to suck your cock?" I say after I a run my tongue up his ball sack.

"Yes sir." He says as he starts to wiggle.

"Good boy." I say as I grab his hard dripping cock and pull it back. I quick put as much of it in my mouth as I can. It's not as easy as it looks from this angle. I turn my head to the side suck about half of it in. I go to work hollowing out my cheeks.

"UMMMMMMMMMMMM" is all he can say as I start massage his balls. I make a popping sound as I release him from my mouth. Having instead my mouth is making me feel unpleasant. I don't like it. IT's not anger but it's something else. I can't put my finger on it though, but the thought of him getting blown by other guys brings the same feeling. It's very unpleasant. I need to move on before it gets stronger.

"Oh your stomach" I say as I press down the small of his back. He quickly obeys before I climb on over him and press my body against his. I rest my dick in the crease of his ass. I pull his hand over his head locked deep with mine. I make sure all my weight is pressed against him so he can't move. I know have succeeded because he tries to move back into me but he can barely breathe.

"Don't you move a fucking muscle." I say in a low growl like whisper in his ear before I lick it. "Understand" I say as I force my arm around his neck to lighting choke him. Dean being the obedient little slut that he is says yes sire in such a meek voice.

I don't know what is happening to me. But lying here helpless with me in control is sending fire like substance though my body. I love it I am burning up and know it can only get hotter. I know I am always in control but I usually give a little room to wiggle but not this time. He is going to take it how I want it and as hard I as I give it to him. He gets no mercy and no say this time.

I quickly maneuver myself to line myself up with him. I wait point two seconds before I enter into him completely. I waited another point three seconds before I started moving. I know I never lube myself but I don't need to. I lube him up, so he should be good.

"Ummmm" he moans. The way I have my hand locked around his next he is able to speak as a quickly ram into hi, I don't wait as I pull all the way out and go right back in. I know he is enjoying by the moans coming out of his mouth. He is biting down on my hand to hard I think skin might start to break.

"Good you feel so good." Say as I go in and out. "So fucking tight." I say in such a breathless voice in my ear. As he bits my hand I start to nibble and lick his ear. As I tighten my hand around his I feel nothing but a wave on energy coming over me. I can feel. I can feel everything and with everything I can feel hitting me at ounce. Everything I can feels good, it's like it's over powering all the unpleasant feelings trying rise inside of me.

He grips the sheet with his now free hand as all of my feelings form one sentence in my head. It just keeps playing over and over I thrust into Dean who is now on the verge of coming.

Every time I say it in my head I am ramming into him. I need to get it out. I want to get it out. Why am I chanting this to myself.

_I should be mad. __I should be mad .__I should be mad. Oh God __I should be mad. Shit it feels so good. __I should be mad. Oh God. Oh God. __Ishouldbemadishouldbmad damnnnn __**I SHOULD BE SO FUCKING MAD.**_

Right then and there I erupt what feel like a bucket of sperm inside of Dean. I got so lost in my thought I have no idea if he climaxed or not. I rest my body against his for a minute before a roll over to my side. He follows my movement so after. Once he rolls over I notice a huge puddle of you know what lying on the sheets as well as his stomach.

"Damn Cas" he says catching his breath as he runs his hand around his neck. I say nothing as I stare at. He looks back at me with a look that tells me he wants to say something to me.

I hope he doesn't say anything. I am too busy searching my feelings. As I look at him I still feel. All of my emotions are still mixed up but they don't seem as heighten. I don't know if it's because I am losing energy with every breath I take. Or the alcohol I consumed is starting to wear off. Either way I still feel something strong but not as strong as I just felt. Actually I do know one emotion I am feeling. I have finally figured it out. Above anything else right now I am feeling fear. I don't know the reason but I am scared. I am beyond scared and all I want for it is to go away.

"Look Cas" He tries to say but I quick kiss him to shut him up. Once his lips relaxes into mine I force my tongue in his mouth which he happy takes. We twirl our tongues around as I hold his face with one hand. Oh no those intense feelings are starting to come back again. I feel like I am starting to get high. I got to break this kiss.

"Wow" he says as I l make myself comfortable. I hate that I want to feel more of my stupid emtions.

"Come here" I say as I pull him to me.

"What" he says with a smile after he scoots over next to me. He looks down at me as I look up with him and I feel nothing but fear and of course everything up wrapped in a ball.

"Lay with me." I say pulling him down. To my surprise he did fight. He just smiled before he moved hi body down and fell into my arms. He rested his head on my chest as I drapped my arm around him.

It's funny how this does feel like old times. I do know that much. It's like a year hasn't passed and I'm flying. I am flying scared but I don't want it to end.

"Cas" I hear him say but he doesn't move.

"Shhhh, go to sleep." I say as I close my eyes.

"Night." He says after a couple seconds.

"Night Dean." I say as I close my eyes to let the booze in my system knock me out.

I start to finally drift off when I hear my name being called again. I don't answer. I don't want to talk. We don't need to talk. There nothing to say between.

"I guess you really have to be drunk to fall asleep that fast." He says with a small chuckle. I can feel him smiling as he keeps his ear to my heart. "I don't know why you came here to tonight, but I'm glad you did. I missed you so much. What I did sucks? I wish I never did it. I thought I could get over you but I couldn't. I wish I had you back. I wish you could hear me say that but I know you are sleep. And since you are sleep I guess you won't hear me say this. I still love you."

Damn it coming here was a big mistake.

* * *

**So what did you think?**

**What did you think of Cas? Do you think he snapped or is in the middle of some kind break down like Gabriel says.**

**What about Dean?**

**Do you think Dean knew Cas was awake?**

**next chapter is either will be from Dean or Gabriel's pov but Gabriel will def be in it. I miss him don't you. **

**I wonder what he would say if he knew about whtat just happen. Do you think he would be angry or just make fun of Dean.**


	12. Chapter 12 Dean

**Here is the next chapter. Hope you like. I know I said Gabriel would be in here but he isn't but I do promise you him next chapter.**

**thank you arkham zombie for the review. love you lots. hope you enjoy**

**don't forget to reveiw**

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**Chapter 12 Dean**

Cas and I couldn't be happier. I don't what why or made him show up at my window two weeks ago but hey I'm not going to ask too many questions. I'm just happy he shows up every other night and stays with me. Sometimes he is drunk out of his mind, okay he is always drunk but whatever. He's here and I'm happy.

He never talks me though. The only time he talks to me is when we are having sex. Oh yeah about that. So we both know Cas likes to get all dominate and I let him. Well I don't let him. Whenever we go at it, it's like I lose all control and I love it. I love playing the submissive roll. It's like I need him to dominate me. Okay I will tell you this because well you know the private details of my life but I would never tell anybody on the street.

Anyway back to our sex life. It's different. Like really different. Something has changed in him. I can see and feel it. He always had this rough passion to him but he was always so tender in a lot of ways but lately I noticed that all the tenderness is gone. Whenever I get the chance to look him in the face I can see something in his eyes. I'm not sure what it is but I know it's dark. I think it's kind of maybe my fault.

I want to ask him about it but he won't let me. Whenever I go to open my mouth he shuts me up one way or another. One of the ways is sex. Like you didn't know that. Look our sex use to have an emotional connection. I think that is what you would call it. I don't know but I do know I felt connected to him. I know this sounds corny but it was like our souls were connected. You tell anybody I said that and I'll kill you. Anyway I don't feel that connection anymore. I still feel it but i don't feel it from him. It's like the darkness inside of him won't let him.

It's like the darkness swallowed him and whenever we have sex he goes into this pure animal like state. He pins me down on my stomach and just loses control. I wish I knew what was going through his head or why he feels the need to lock me down to my bed. Don't get me wrong I like it but I would also like to look in his eyes. I would like to talk to him.

He won't let me and I just wish he would. After he finishes having his way he holds me and we fall asleep together. When he holds me I can feel the old Cas inside. It's like He fighting to come to the surface but he never quite makes it. I know he is in there and I need to get him back.

I need to get him back. I will get him back. By getting him back I mean getting rid of the darkness anyway I can. Normally I wouldn't know what to do but thanks to nonstop nagging of Jo and Gabriel I know what to do.

First things first I have to break up with my girlfriend. Yeah I can't be with her. I like her as a person and she is very beautiful but she just isn't my type. I have been a total idiot. It's time to do things right. I still don't feel comfortable about the way I am but I can't risk bringing darkness to anybody else.

"So are you just going to sit there?" I almost forgot I was sitting here with Anna. I'm too inside my head and my stomach won't stop turning long enough for me to say something.

"Sorry" I manage to get out as I stare at my feet. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean yes I told other people but they were family or close to it. Plus they kind of figured it out. She might not be like them. She might think I'm a freak. She might tell everybody at school.

"So what is it?" she says annoyed. Things between us haven't been the best. In fact they have been awful. I have barely seen her and whenever I talk to her we argue. We argue about dumb shit too. Half of the time I think we are just screaming at each but we both don't have idea what the hell we are talking about.

"Okay" I say as I lean over her bed and pinch my nose. "There's something I have to tell you."

"You don't have to. Your neck speaks for you." She says so calm. I have been in enough arguments or fights with her to know she does this right before she loses her cool.

"See I don't no I know you don't know the whole story."

"Sure I do, but instead of telling me the bitches name and admitting to screwing her brains out and that's why you can't even screw me once, you're about to give some excuse on how you got into a fight with the vacuum clear." She says as she stands up to look at me with such disappointment. Damn it why does get to me. I hate seeing a sad female.

"Please Anna just hear me out. I didn't get into a fight with a vacuum cleaner." I say as I stand up to beg.

"Good, now why don't you just break up with me, so I can get on with my day?" She says folding her arms. This is not easy. I actually think I am about to piss myself. Maybe I should just let her think that I screwed a chick and be done with it. "Well" she says getting impatient. No I will not do this. She did nothing wrong and I am tired of letting people lies.

"Look Anna I don't know how to say this.?" I stand there folding my hands as I look at her. How can I not want her? How can I not love her? How can I not any girl. Girls at school just throw themselves at me and I could care less. Oh, but let it be some guy from the basketball team or this guy Mike I see around school from time to time. I see them and my pants get a little tight.

"Are you serious! You come here and say you have something important to tell me and now you want to play the waiting game! OH NO. FUVK OUTTA HERE. JUST TELL ME THE BITCHES NAME, SO I CAN MOVE ON."

"IT's not like that." I plead.

"OH LET ME GUESS YOU ARE IN LOVE."

"Yes" I say almost ashamed.

"OH THAT'S JUST GREAT. I SPEND ALMOST A YEAR FALLING FOR YOU ONLY FOR YOU TO FALL FOR SOME OTHER BITCH. GREAT JOB DEAN. YOU TRULY ARE A FUCK HEAD."

"Anna, just let me explain." I say trying to raise my voice.

"NO, ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS THE BITCH NAME. I DON'T CARE FOR DETAILS. WHO IS THE SLUT THAT GOT YOUR LIMP DICK HARD? I WANT TO KNOW BECAUSE WHO EVER THIS BITCH IS I WANT TO SHAKE HER HAND."

"Anna, just listen." I say trying to plead with her but she won't listen to me. She is uset and it is understandable but I just wish she let me tell her.

"NO I JUST WANT A NAME."

"FINE YOU WANT A NAME" I can't take it no more. Maybe if I yell she will hear me.

"THAT'S WHAT THE HELL I BEEN SAYING"

"CASSIE, OKAY OR I LIKE TO CALL HIM CAS."

"What?" she says taken back. "Did you just say Cassie's a guy?" she says as she walks over to sit on her bed.

"Yes" I say as I feel my heart ready to jump through my throat. I hate this moment. I can feel my heat in my throat and it won't stop pounding in my ears.

"Cassie's a guy." She says looking to the side to look at me.

"Yes." I wish I could say more but she still looks like she is in shock.

"You actually expect me to believe that?"

"Is that a trick question?" I ask very carefully. I don't know what to do right now.

"Why would you make something up like that? If you wanted to just break up with me you could have just did it. I get you aren't attracted to me but you really going to tell me that your gay."

"I wouldn't go that far." I say looking down at my shoes.

"Ha, you are unbelievable." I was thinking the same thing. I never imagined this going like this.

"Anna I'm not lying. I'm into guys." You know the more I say that out loud the less wrong I feel.

"So your bisexual."

"No"

"Then your straight and a liar."

"Why is it so hard to believe? I'm into guys and no I don't like women. In fact I think you might be right. I think I might actually be gay."

"You expect me to believe me a guy did all of that to you." She says pointing to my hickies, bite marks, and a faint hand print around my neck.

"What can I say? Cas likes to get rough. He's quite and all but once he gets going look out."  
"He get's rough." She says folding her arms in disbelief.

"Yeah I mean one I couldn't walk right for a week. I kept telling people it was a sports injury but Gabriel knew and kept making fun of me." I know you're shocked that I am telling her this but she doesn't believe me anyway.

"Gabriel made fun of you."  
"Yeah he's always making fun of me. HE says the two of us discuss him at times. I lie to you not. He actually wore ear plugs most nights in high school. Now that I think about it. I think it ws just on the weekends. During the week Cas would sneak though my window and we do it on the floor."

'You guys did it on the floor."

"Yeah, and man I tell you it was hot. We use to do it on my bed but Jo could hear us and she threaten to kick my ass if I kept her from her beauty sleep."

"Shut up" she says smacking me across the face.

"Something I said." I say smiling. I feel good. I mean she might think I'm making this up but I actually feel good.

"You expect me to believe that you are in some kind of submissive top involved in a five year on and off homosexual relationship with Gabriel's who I think is actually the gay one power bottom brother. The brother who I thought was a girl but it just turns out Gabriel just calls him a girls name.

"Well actually Cas never let me top and I'm okay with that. I actually love, the way he takes control and just flips me around like a rag doll wow I'm getting chills just thinking about it. Oh and with the whole Cassie thing. Their mom use to call him that and it just stuck, but no one calls him that but his brothers."

"Shut up" she say slapping me again in tears

"I'm sorry. What I am doing is wrong? I think she is starting to believe me and me just telling her all this might not be a good thing. I'm being a jerk.

"You're an ass." Close enough.

"I'm sorry it was never you."

"I see that. I see that you are a such a fucking liar. You will tell me ridiculous stuff just to break up with me when you could have just told me the truth."

"I am telling you the truth."  
"Get out"

"But"

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE."

I say nothing to her as I turn to leave. Wow I can't believe this. All these years Jo and Gabriel are yelling and bitching at me about telling lies and keeping secrets and I finally tell someone the truth and they think I am making shit up. Oh and she thinks Gabriel is the gay one. Wow what a fucking day.

Even though she didn't believe me, it felt good telling her that stuff. Even though I just said I would tell nobody but hey whatever. I feel a little better about myself.

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**So what did you think?**

**Did you expect Anna to react they way she did?**

**What do you think of Dean just telling so much?**

**Do you think he did that just to be honest or because he knew she didn't believe him. **

**SPOILERS :next chapter a very important conversation is to be had**


	13. Chapter 13 Gabriel

**Hey guys, was really bored yesterday. So yes here is yet another chapter. Hope you like.**

**Thank you for the reviews. I love you guys. **

**Tell me what you think. **

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**Chapter 14 Gabriel**

I'm not gone lie guys things between me Cotton aren't great. She barely talks to me and whenever we do talk she gets mad at me. We can still be in the same room but we don't look at each other. Each meal we have together gets colder than the last and I don't mean the food. It's always a little better when someone eats with us but up until last night Cassie was eating with us and she was getting snippy with him. Lucky and suspiciously Sammy spent the night last night.

Sam gas spent the night here before but Dean has never asked. To add to things Cassie didn't come home last night. Then again he barley does. Oh well, knowing him he is banging his though drunk one night stand with the tourist. Oh well, at least he is somewhat back to normal. I guess he is coming around but I still think something is getting suppressed.

Wait I was talking about Cotton and got side tracked. She has been a bit snippy. I would go as far as to say she is being a bitch but I'm afraid she know I thought it and yell at me some more. It's really starting to get old and tiring. I miss it when we just use to make fun of people. Whatever, I just have to keep trying and one day we will be back to ourselves but better.

Since my Cotton worked last night and since she has been working so hard I deiced to make her breakfast in bed. Well technically it's brunch. She doesn't wake up until one on the nights she works. I want to start to off the day making my love smile. I need to start my day off with her being happy because soon as I tell her I got fired she is going to freak. I didn't get fired but I am not going to tell her that. She is already freaking about money. Which is unnecessary you know. I keep telling her we are fine but she doesn't see it that way. I guess I would be too if I didn't tell her where my income comes from. Then again I would blindly trust her if I told her that I can not tell her and that one day I promise to sit down and talk to her about. It's just I can't right now and not for a long time.

I might sound a little bitter about it but I'm not. I know how her mind works. I have no choice but to accept it. I love her despite how we differ there.

"We need to talk?" Oh Great Dean Winchester just walked though my back door by slamming it in his let's talk Cas and me repression my sexuality voice. Why couldn't it be his hey buddy what you guys up to today voice. Which is usually a lot grumpier and has some profanity.

"Not today Dean." I say as I flip Jo's fresh toast.

"Are we friends?"

"Yes we arrrrre Oh my god what happen to you." I'm trying to hide the lock of shock, discus, and humor on my face. IT's hard to ever since I turned around to look at him. You should see him. He has this red burn around his neck from a flap like oh my god that's a belt. Yes it is a long semi thick on but it's a belt. Oh god I can't but bust of laughing.

"Yeah yeah laugh it up." He says unamused.

"Okay" I say bending over I see bite marks on his shoulder. "Due why would you wear a tank tops" Oh my god he has red marks around his wrist to.

"It's ninety five degrees out there. What would you wear?"

"True" I say trying to get though my laughter. "I just wouldn't have come out the house the day after I forgot the safe word." I say as I start laughing uncontrollably.

"Fuck you man. There was no safe word. It wasn't like that. It wasn't supposed to be like that. It shouldn't be like that."

"Like what." I ask as go to take her toast out of the pan and place it on the plate I have next to the stove. I start to show up some fruit before he chose to speak again.

"Before I answer, I need to know are we really friends." Oh no. I hope it's not what I think.

"Yes Dean we are friends." I say dreading my decision to consider him a friend.

"Like best friends right. Ones who are straight with each and think highly of each other." Damn it why could he just be JO's cousin who I sometimes see that my little brother use to have a very long and complicated relationship and destroyed my brother inside.

"Oh, no. You two didn't." I say as I stop chopping fruit to look at him.

"I didn't what with who." He says playing dumb. Why does he even bother."

"Come on Dean. I don't want to do this dance with you. I say staring him straight in the ye. Cassie isn't the only one to give a soul gazing glare.

"What damce." He say all innocent.

"The one where you pretend like you didn't do anything or you're not about to do something. SO what did or are about to do." I say a real serious tone. He stares at me for a minute but he relents.

"Okay fine I have been knocking boots with Cas." God damn it. They been fucking this whole time. How the hell that get pass me.

"I don't need this right now" I say as I sit down. Jo and I might rally break up today. I know she has been fed up with them to. She hasn't said anything but I can tell. That's the only reason I can think of since stop getting involved.

"So we're friends." Oh this again great.

"OH god yes Dean. We are friends especially since my little brother just all fifty shades on you."

"He did not. "

"Whatever it's cool. What ever gets you off but I should tell you that I don't think it will end any better than before." I say flagging him off. I care but right now I have other things on my mind. Like making her smile and getting laid for the first time like two months.

"It ended bad thanks to you." He says as he starts tp raise his voice. Thank god Cassie isn't here and Jo sleeps like a rock. I don't need them to hear this. I'm not worried about Sammy last I check he was in the guest room playing video games. Kids can't hear shit when they are playing

"Not this again. Listen Dean you didn't have to listen to me and you didn't have to break up with him in such a mean way.

"What was I supposed to?" he shouts.

"You could have ignore me or told him the real reason and just left me out of it. " I say like it was ever so easy.

"Listen to you. You harassed me damn near day and night. You pressured me into it"

"Peer Pressure really. That's what you're going with."

"Yes and I think the pressure was coming from a place where you just wanted him to go to his dream college. Oh great I think he has figured out my real reason.

"What place would that be?" I say ever so drily. I try to act normal but he can be like a pit bull with lock jaw when he actually gets something right.

" A brotherly place. A place where you thought I wasn't good enough for your brother."

"Yeah"

"Don't What….. Your actually admitting it." He sounds so surprised.

"Yeah. I was right back then and I'm right today." I say folding my arms. He looks like he wants to punch me but he wouldn't dare right now.

"How the fuck can you call yourself my friend and still say I am not good enough for your brother."

"Am I go enough for Jo."

"Despite the fact she wants to murder you right now I say yes."

"Why is that?"

"Come what's with the pop quiz."

"Just answer the question."

A small tisk and he says " Because you love and make her happy Despite right now."

"Right and when have you ever made my brother happy for longer than a weekend or summer."

"So that's why you are hell bent on making sure we stay apart even after I broke up with him and he went to school. You think if something happens between us he won't go back."

"Yes and plus all I know is you're going to hurt him in the end. He might be too stupid in love to see that but I sure as hell do." I say getting defensive.

"By trying to keep us apart is destroying him. I don't know if you noticed but he has changed and not in a good way. He is dark and scary right now man and I need him to talk to me."

"What are you talking about? I thought you two been playing dungeon master and slave for a some times now." I ask confused.

"That doesn't mean he talks to me."

"He doesn't say anything to you. Not one word."

"NO" okay he is getting a little testy there.

"Then what goes on and you don't have to go into detail." I say reminding him that there are something's he never has to tell me.

"He comes over drunk, we screw, then we lay there, he falls asleep and the he gone by the time I wake up." Is he seriously throwing a fit over a serious of one night stand s with my brother. I don't believe Cassie is treating Dean worse than the random people he hooks up with. He at least buys them breakfast. He never just skips out on them and he talks to them first. He doesn't just swoop in for the kill soon as the door shuts. He likes to make sure they are comfortable. Wow I thought he never do that to Dean. Yes I know what my brothers groove is. No it's not strange at all.

"Are you going to say something or are you going to stare off into space." Dean cuts though my train of thought.

"What would you like me to do?"

"Talk to him. Tell him to open up to me."

"Why would I do that?" seriously. I don't need to lure him in only to throw him back out but only twice as hard. He would end up worse.

"Because what is going on with him is your fault too."

"I don't understand." I do understand but I like messing with Dean and I'm not sure Cas is what he needs right now.

"You made pressured me into breaking up with him and my stupid ass listened." I still don't want to.

"How do you expect me to talk to him about getting back together with you when he doesn't talk to me anymore?" It's true. I'm not making it up. Cassie doesn't tell me anything anymore. We still talk but only about things in general.

"I don't want to get back with him. I mean I do but I know it's not he best time right now. HE needs time to heal and his life is in New York right now and ….wait he doesn't talk to you." Amazing he cut off his own rambling.

"No. He doesn't talk. He walks around here happy go lucky, well happy go luck for him. He eats like once a day. He stays out all night getting drunk and screwing you. The he comes home showers and goes to Starbucks all day. Then he comes home eat. Goes in his room where he doesn't watch TV, or listen to music, or use his computer, or read a book. He just lays there for two hours staring into space. Yes I know for a fact. I put a spy cam in his room just to make sure he wasn't planning his suicide or a murder. Then he come out his room eats half of whatever is on his child size plate and then leaves the house to get drunk. Now when would I have the time to ask him." I say catching my breath.

"You could said no."

"Yeah but this avoids any follow up questions."

"All expect me asking you for an answer."

"To what?' I ask playing dumb.

"To you talking to him."

"You don't want to get back with him." Maybe Dean can make Cassie snap back. I mean maybe Dean can tap into all that anger he has bottled up. Maybe Cassie will kick his ass one good time.

"Fine I will talk to him on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You can't fuck him no more."

"What?" He looks like I actually asked him for one of his kidneys.

"Stop sleeping with him. Just be his friend and help him."

"I can't hook up with him. Not even every once in a while."

"Why would you want to if he is doing stuff like that to you." I say as I motion up and down his body.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." Enough said.

"No sexing him. I will only talk to him if you give me your word." I doubt it will do any good. He doesn't talk to me. Whenever I do try he just shuts down or gets up to leave.

"Fine but I'm not making any promise."

"Good cause you always seem to break those." Dean is going to stop. I already know that. I just want to be able to use this against him later. Now he'll owe me a favor. "Now can you get out of here. Jo's break is cold and I need to warm it before she wakes up.

"Fine fine. I'm a go get Sammy." Dean says about to walk past me but I stop him. "What?"

"The kid is like fifteen. He doesn't need to see you like this yet. Go home and I'll bring him home later." I say reminding him of the belt burn around his next.

"Good thinking." He says as he turns and heads for the back door. Thank god he's gone. Maybe I can start her day off right. Maybe I can get her to feel sorry for me and she can give me pity sex. Hey, I take what I can get.

"Gabriel" Damn she is up. I wanted to bring her food upstairs to her.

"Good after noon cotton." I say as she sits down. I quick removed her food front the micro wave.

"How'd you sleep? I say as I place her plate in front of before I sat next to her.

"Good until I heard Dean shouting." OH No.

"You heard Dean." I ask nervous.

"Yeah and I got out of bed to come tell you to keep it down but when I got right outside the kitchen I stopped because it seem like you two were having a private conversation. "She says taking a bite of her food.

"Oh well thanks for that." Oh all the days for her to be sleeping light.

"So is it true." She says nibbling on a strawberry.

"IT what true." Oh great good bye pity sex.

"What you did to Cas?" Great now I am screwed and not in the good way. Fuck me fuck me. She is going to flip out.

"yes" I say quickly as I brace myself for her reaction. I wait and I wait for her to say or do anything but she just sits there like she is thinking it over. I dare not ask her. I just sit there count the seconds.

It took her twenty two seconds before she swallowed her food and said "Okay."

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**SO what you think.**

**I know you guys wanted this chapter to be smut but don't worry. That's the next chapter and it will be told from Dean's pov the chapter after that will be Cas pov.**

**Well got to work all weekend. So I shall return sometime next week. Until then peace and love **


	14. Chapter 14 Dean

**Hello everyone. Here is the next chapter. I hope you like. Please review.**

**Thank you Satan for the review. You went without internet I think I'd cry if I had to do the same. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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**Chapter 14 Dean **

Why the fuck did my aunt and uncle go on a two week cruise. Since when are they the type to do that. Last I check they like to go hunting in the woods. I thought they were woodsy people. Is that even a word? Never mind, you know what I mean. My aunt and uncle aren't tropical people. What the hell is wrong with them?

They have left here to the mercury of a sexual obsessed, twisted torturer that is Cas. Every other night for the past week he has showed up here wanting to perform some form of s and m. One night he hand cuffed me to my bed blind folded. Did I mention he pinched my nipples and forced me to wear something around my balls? He fucked me for three hours, not letting me cum once. Oh but he did. He came like three times inside if me. To make it worse he kept me tied there the whole time. That was the day I walked away with six bite marks. At least it was the ones I could see.

Then another day he came over and pinned me to the floor. He hand cuffed me to my wood oak dresser. Next he made me get on all fours. Then stuffed me a number of toys he pulled out of a bad. He had least four different types. He had a small one that vibrated. Then he used one with ridges as he shook his hand back in forth to the point I was unable to speak. Next came an extra-large one that hurt a lot. Now Cas is about a good eight and half inched but this thing had to be at least ten. Now the last one, I just don't want to talk about. He did things to me that even you can't know. I will tell you this. He finally fucked me once he was using his toys for ten minutes each. I could sit down for the next thirty sex hours. I somehow manage to walk normal. Guess it comes from years of practice.

Today I am in the kitchen. To-

"Hey Dean I ju- Oh crap" Shit. Sammy

"Sam" I yell as I run behind the center counter to hide the silk panties Cas is making me wait for him. Please don't make me explain right now. Not while Sam has his head turned like he is discussed to look at me. "What the hell man?"

"Sorry sorry. Oh god Dean what are you doing?" He asks still not looking at me.

" What are you doing here? You're supposed to be staying at Gab and Jo's."

"And unfortunately I see why. Uggg Dean, come on. Is this why I been staying there. So you can have weird sex in our kitchen."

"It's not what it looks like Sam." Sadly it is, but he doesn't need to know all that.

"It looks like my brother in panties. What kind of stuff are you into? You know what don't answer that. I don't need to know. I just need some brain bleach."

"What do you need- oh god. What the hell?" Oh great now we have Mr. dramatic here.

"Gabriel what the hell man?" This is getting embarrassing. First Sam and now this dick. He won't ever let me live this down.

"Dean why are you naked?" he ask with a smug look on his face.

"He's not naked. He has panties on."

"The hell Sam." I shout. Did he really need to tell him? I am hiding for a reason.

"You have panties on. Like actually girl panties."

"No" I quickly lie.

"Yes."

"Wow Deano, I never knew you were into such kink." He's such a bastard. He of all people know about the weird shit his brother has me doing.

"Can you just get out of here?" I shout realizing Cas should be here soon. I don't want nothing to mess whatever the hell we have going up. He still won't talk to me but at least he is spending time with me.

"First tell us who the girl is?" Sam asks finally looking at me. Seriously, I am standing here in pink satin panties and he wants to know who I am wearing them for. Unbelievable

"What?" I'm going to act like I didn't hear him. Maybe if I play dumb he will leave it alone and I won't have to lie to my little brother. I don't think he could handle this right now.

"You heard him. Who's the girl?" Fucking Gabriel I hate him. He knows damn well there aint no girl. Fuck him and fuck everything about him.

"Why are you asking me this, why I am standing here in panties. Why are you guys even here?" Okay maybe if I change the subject.

"We wanted to see if you wanted to go bowling but I see you are too busy waiting for your girlfriend and I didn't even know you had one." Sam says like he has been betrayed.

"Neither did I. I thought you and Anna broke up." Oh I hate him. He's getting back at me because I am still fucking Cas.

"I don't have a girlfriend. I'm just hooking up with someone that has a kinky side. Okay does that answer your question."

"What's her name?" Gabriel asks. I'm ready to stab him.

"What's it matter?" I ask so irritated.

"I might know her." He says as he stands next to Sam who is looking at me like he wants to know.

"If I tell you, will you get the hell out?"

"Cross our hearts." Gabriel says as he unwraps a lollipop and stick it in his mouth.

"I'm waiting for-" shit did it get hot in here. Sweet baby Jesus why am I sweating? God, I have no clothes on and my whole body is covered in sweat not to mention I am out as fuck. "Well"

"Well we're waiting." Gabriel's giving me this face like he knows what I'm thinking. Well jokes on him I actually thinking about the truth.

"Rhonda" Wait what. I just lied and by the look on Gabriel face he is equally pissed and amused. Great ever sense Jo decided to be the selfish person she has become Gabriel has been laying it extra thick. I can't I am saying but I miss the days when Jo would bitch at me and tell me when I am fucking up. What is wrong with her? She needs to pull he head out her ass and be here for her love ones.

"Rhonda?" Sam repeats.

"No" I said that to quick.

"No"

"I mean yes."

"Yes"

"What are you a parrot?" Okay now I'm pissed. Mostly at myself. I have no idea where that came from.

"Who's Rhonda?" Okay Gabriel is getting punched in the face if he doesn't get leave in the next two seconds.

"Does matter?"

"I think you should tell him Dean." Damn it. Fuck fuck fuck, of course this would get worse. I knew it. I knew he was going to pop out of now where. I wonder how much he has heard?

"Cas" my voice is shaking.

"Hello Dean, Sam, Gabriel." He says as he gives each of them a look saving the last one for me. I think I just got scared. I just saw something flash though his eyes and it's not pretty.

"I don't think I need to tell them that." I can't even look at him. I am too ashamed. This is the second time I have pretended he was a girl but this time he heard me. I am royally screw. He still doesn't talk to me but now I have lost any chance he might change his mind.

"Very well. I will tell them." He says as he turns to look at them. Sam has a plain look on his face but you can tell he is listening. Gabriel on the other hand has this eat shit grin on his face. I on the other hand is about to have a panic attack. Sammy can't know this. He looks up to me. He might never look at me the same way again after this. That's why I lied. Sammy doesn't know and he doesn't need to know.

"Cas" I plead. I should have done that. He shots me a look that gives me chills. To the average person it would look like he just looked at me but I know him. I can his is pissed. I am starting to miss him when he had dead eyes.

"Rhonda is a girl he has been having sexual relations with. She is into what would be called bondage along with a few other things. Dean being the guy who is willing to please his partner by any means has decided to indulge in her current way she wants to display her passion." Wow. I think Cas just lied for me. I was not expecting that and neither was Gabriel. You should see the look on his face. His mouth is wide open in shock. I would laugh if I was feeling a bit shocked myself.

"Wow Cas, you could have just said he is banging a girl into S&amp;M."

"My apologies." He says just as sober. I don't like this. It's like what my aunt would call the calm before the storm.

"Some advice, you'll never get laid talking like that. It's a clear you are still a virgin." Me and Gabriel both laughed. I wonder what made him think that.

"Okay so I see Dean has plans. Guess it's just the three of us unless Cassie wants to come bowling with us." Gabriel says he turns Sam around to leave. It's funny because Sam is almost taller than him. Cas says nothing and Gabriel doesn't wait for a respond. I think was just saying it to say it.

We both stand in the kitchen as we wait for the sound of a car pulling off. Once it was clear that they had left Cas turns to face me.

"Now Cas" I say I slowly walk up to him. I know he lied for em but that doesn't change the fact he's probably pissed at me .

"Shut Up" he commands. I stop dead in my tracks as he eyes me up and down. His look is downright scary and sext all at the same time. I can feel the blood starting to leave my brain.

"Cas."

"Did I say you can speak?" Okay we're playing this game again. I quickly shut my mouth as he creeps his way up to me. "You look so sexy in those panties." He whispers around my ear. The feel of his breath on my neck is making my legs start to feel weak.

He runs his hands ghost like around the band. The tip of his fingers brush across my skin so soft I can feel shivers running up my spine.

"And your mouth looks so pretty and soft right now." He says as he stops in front of me to connect his eye with mine. "Is your mouth hot for me?" Great he isn't going to kiss me again. I missed the days when he uses to kiss me. He never does anymore. "Did you hear me?" he says has he grips my one ass check hard. I admit I let out a sad whimper.

"Yes sir" I say very meek. He loves it when I call him sir.

"Is that sexy dirty mouth hot for me." God help me. I know I sounded like I was complaining earlier but when we are in the middle of it. I love every bit of it.

"Yes sir."

"Then be a good little bitch and show me."

"Yes sir." I say as I drop to my knees and undo his pants. In a matter of seconds I have undone his belt and zip. I know have the tip of his extra-large thick cock on my lips.

"Swallow it." He says as grips the back of my head and rams me forward. I barely had time to open my mouth before his tip was in the back of my throat. He didn't give me times to catch my breath before he slamming his delicious cock in and out of my mouth. It was like I barley have to do any work.

"So wet. So warm. Such a good little bitch to be eating my cock like that, Your such a slut. Such a dirty slut."

I want to touch myself but I know I am not allowed to. Taste every bit of his pre cum while he pumps in out of my mouth is sending waves of ecstasy though both of us.

"Oh shit. You dirty little bitch. Open wide" he says before he releases everything in me. I don't get the choice to swallow as he leaves his tip in my throat causing everything to slide down.

"You are so good at that." He says as I wipe my chin. "Get up"

"Yes sir." I say as I jump up to look at him.

"Did I say you can look at me." I say nothing as I throw my gaze to the floor. "Whinny little whores like you don't get to look at me. Now turn and face the counter.

"Yes sir" I say as I turn to the island. Again I barely had time to register before he was bending me over making me arch my back.

"Look at that ass." He says as he pulls up a side of my panties causing them to pop as they made their way back to my ass.

"Ngggg"

"I love it when you make those sounds What else can you make?" he says as he slaps me full palm on the ass. I know my ass has to be red.

"UGGGGG" The sting hurts but I loved the ripple it sent though my body.

"Ummm you making my cock hard again." He says as he rubs it against my ass. The softness of the panties combined with hardness of him is making me ache for him to be inside of me.

"mmmmmm"

"You like feeling my cock." He says as he slaps my other check just as hard.

"Yes sir" I moan as I feel his tip against my hole. Only thing sperating them is the thin layer of my panties.

"Does the dirty little whore want to swallow my cock with his ass." He says as slaps me hard.

"Yes sir." I say as I try to push back on him.

"NO No" he says holding my neck. "Such an eager little slut." He says as reaches for the olive oil.

He says nothing as he I feel the warm liquor run down my underwear. I can feel it running between my cheeks before I feel him slip them to the side and insert a finger.

"You like my finger inside of you. You lick being filled that way." He says as he slips another finger inside.

"NO sir." I say as I fight the erg to push back. I want to but I know he will go slower if I do. Why does he torture me?

"What do you want?" he says slapping my ass with an oily hand. "Do you want my cock in this tight little hole of yours? Does the slutty little tramp want me to fuck him? He says as he jams his fingers in hard.

"Yes sir." Finally he pulls his fingers out and rams his super hard cock in me. He does give me time to adjust before he ramming me in and out. He is going to fast and hard I can barely stand. My body is on fire and I am not seeing straight. Everything is starting to go black as I feel a mixture of pleasure and pain.

"You like that bitch." I can't do anything but moan as I grip the counter. I am gripping it so hard I might break it. Between him ramming me like a wild bull and his finger nails digging into my skin I can barely function. He is hurting me so good right now. "You such a good little whore. Look at you taking it. Look at that ass swallow all of my cock." He says as he removes his hands from me.

He keeps thrusting in me as I hear him messing with his pants. Three seconds later he wraps a leather strap around my neck. Oh good he is chocking me. He is choking me with his belt. He has it around my beck like a horse with a saddle in his mouth. He is fucking like a wild animal and I love. I can feel everything built up in me.

"Fuck" he grunts as he pulls the belt tighter. I can barely breathe as he tightens it with every hit to my sweet spot. "Fuck, you are so sexy like this. Fuck" he says he fucks me bent over while I am wearing panties pulled to the side and a belt around my neck. IF you never experience something like this then you don't know real pleasure. It hurts so much I like.

"Oh fuck bitch. Fuck you little slut. You making me cum again." Good because I am about to lose it and sometimes I have a different feeling about our sex once it's over.

"Fuckkkkkkk you" he says as he spills into me as I release everything of the wall.

We stay there still connected as he we take our times catching out breath. He still has the belt around my neck but it is loose now.

"Damn Cas" I say as he pulls out of me and fix his clothes. At least he has on clothes. I standing here with olive oil, seamen, and my underwear up my ass. It's kind of uncomfortable but I am afraid to leave the room.

IT's not night time and he's not drunk, so there isn't a good chance he would stay.

I wait a few minutes while he fixes himself to see if he is going to say something or even look at me. He doesn't say anything. Once he is done dressing he heads for the back door.

I can't believe he is actually leaving. He has been here all of thirty minutes and he is going to leave. Why is he doing this? This is the third time he has done this.

"Wait Cas where are you going?" I know it came out desperate but I am. Why won't he talk to me? Why won't he look at me? I know I messed up but he is usually able to talk to me, even if he was mad. "Cas!" I yell once it's clear he is ignoring me.

He stops with his hand on the knob and looks at me. His eyes are filled with such darkness I expect him to upload on me. Hell I welcome that at least it would be something.

"Bowling Dean" he finally says without looking at me. Before I could say anything he was gone again.

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**So what did you think? **

**Are you happy Sam finally appeared.**

**Hope you liked.**

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**Be back as soon as I can. Work calls tomorrow. **


	15. Chapter 15 Castiel

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**Chapter 15 Castiel **

"Why can't you just leave well enough alone?" Oh joy Mom and Dad are fighting again. That's all they ever do. That and fuck. It's really annoying. They spend most of the day going back and forth. At least I think they do. I don't spend a lot of time in the house. Lately I been coming home at night and they are in the middle of their passion. But when I leave in the morning they are in the middle of fighting. Somewhere around dinner time they are inviting me out for dinner or some activity. I always decline. I wonder what happens when I don't show up. You'd never guess at the end of the night they were fighting shortly before.

It's kind of sweet when you think about it. Correction it was sweet. The last couple days it's been very bad. I feel like it that kid whose parents are on the verge of divorce. All I want to do it hide or spend as much time away as possible. Soon it will be time to go back to school. Although I have yet to tell Gabriel that I am transferring to Columbia. Yes I am transferring and I rather not discuss it. Which is in fact the reason I don't want to tell him? He really has been acting like my dad. Plus he suspects something is up with me. I he would let up but every time I talk to him he brings up it up. I always respected that my brother wouldn't give up when he right about a gut feeling but it can be so damn annoying.

I have to chuckle to myself. A month ago I wouldn't have been able to feel anything but after realizing Dean was my key to feel again being able to feel has returned. Why did I mention his name? I haven't seen him in two days and he won't stop calling or sending text. I even have a couple voice mails from him. I have read or listen to him. I refuse to speak to him. He thinks I am upset about him lying about my gender but I am not. I just have nothing to say to him. He should have realized this long ago. I never speak to him when we are not having sex. That right there should have been a clue. Maybe the fact that I use to spend the night at first gave him some idea but I put an end to that. I don't get it. He was the one who ended things with me. Why is he acting like this?

"Just take the money Gabriel." Oh great there still fighting. They're usually in their room but today they have decided to take things to the living room. I wish this house had a backstairs. I could sneak out but the only way down is though the living room. I was hoping to avoid Gabriel today.

"We don't need the money Jo?" Great, it's the same argument. I'm about ready to tell Jo myself so this can be over.

"Yes we do?" She says as she leans to her with both hands on her hips. Under her left hand appears to be an envelope. Guess it has money in it.

"Why can't you just listen to me?" Gabriel says as he rolls his head back. He stands there a few feet in front of her. She is looking at him with distrust written all over her face. Gabriel being who he is has tried to be patience and fight though it but I see it is starting to get to him, He is just standing there with his lips tight and his arms folded.

"Why can't you just take the money? My parents said we don't have to pay them back." She yells. Oh great yelling. Here we go. Guess I'll sit at the top of the step until thee done. Here's hoping it doesn't take up most of my day. I do get hungry.

"Why did you have to ask your parents for money? We don't need it!"

"How do I know that?" Are they going to just each other questions.

"OH here we go." Gabriel says in a drawn out frustration.

"OH yes here we go. You're upset with me because I want to know how we are living?"

"Okay forget the fact that I ask you just trust me and that I would never do anything to harm you. And forget the fact that you never do and can't see past the fact that it hurts me each time. Let's forget that I have never lied, cheated, or kept things from you. Forget the fact that you are the one who keep something from me."

"OH that's your argument. I kept a secret to protect my cousin. Like you wouldn't have done the same thing for your brother."

"I would have trusted you to know you could keep a secret and would help find a way around it."

"So that's your reasoning for not telling me. You won't tell me because I kept something from you before we even got together." She says as I notice her face is starting to change colors. It's about time. Gabriel's face been turned.

"No Jo this isn't about any of that. This is about the fact that you went behind my back and asked your parents for money. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" he says as he starts to wave his arms and shout.

"Now you know how it feels to have someone do something behind your back." She says as she tries to keep calm. She can see Gabriel is getting fired up. I hate when he snaps. She stands up to him and yells right back but I see she is a little bit scared. I hate seeing her scared. I want to protect her then but I know not to get in the middle.

"It's not the same."

"Yes it is."

"NO IT'S NOT!" Oh great he's snap. "YOU GOING TO YOUR PARENTS MADE ME LOOK BAD. IT MAD ME LOOK STUPID AND WEAK. IT MADE ME LOOK LIKE I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF YOU. YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A MAN. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU. I ADMIT THERE IS SOMETHING I CAN'T TELL YOU BUT YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME WHEN I SAY EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT."

"I CAN'T, YOU PROMISED NEVER TO KEEP ANYTHING FROM ME AND YOU NOT TELLING ME MAKES ME THINK ITS OMETHING BAD."

"DAM IT JO" Suddenly he stops and bites his lip. He closes his eyes as he tries to hold back his anger. I can see he is holding something back and she can tell too.

"Don't hold back. Say it now." She says so much like her mother.

"Forget it" he says in a slow whisper as he turns his back.

"Don't walk away now. You have something you want to say so you need to say it."

"Jo just forget it." He says turning towards.

"NO I want to know."

"NO"

"Yes"

"Why can't you be like other girls?"

"What?" Yeah what. Both of us are in shock. She has her back turned toward me now but I imagine she has a shocked and confused look on her face.

"Why can't you be like other girls? Do you know how many girls wouldn't question anything and just enjoy me spoiling me. Do you know how many would girls would just want to make me happy?" Oh no.

"You don't think I like to make you happy? Are you not happy?" And there is goes. That one question that every relationship eventually asks. Every couple goes ask it but not everyone can answer it and come out on the winning side.

"I honestly don't know anymore" he say so ashamed.

"I don't make you happy anymore." He voice sounds like it's about to crack but she is trying to hold out.

"Please don't think bad thought cotton." He says trying to pull her but she refuses. "I still love you it's just we been fighting a lot."

"SO have you thought about being with any other girls." If my brother is truly smart he will not answer that. It's a trap and if he answers he can no longer make fun of Dean.

"Cotton please, can we just forget it." Okay he is trying to dodge it but I hope he now knows he might have to lie.

"I want to know. If you love me then you will tell me."

Gabriel looks at her and sighs. He walks up to her and look her in the eye. "I love you and I don't want to be with anybody but I do think about being with other girls." He started to say something else but I she raised her hand to stop him from speaking. She looks down at the ground before she turns to walk away. I see she is on the verge of tears and didn't want him to see her cry. Actually she doesn't let nobody cry.

I'll wait before I talk to her later. I got to make a mental note to pick up that coffee ice cream she likes and some Oreo cookies, but I got to make sure they are frozen. Jo loves them like that.

"JO wait" Gabriel calls as her tries to follow her out the door but she slams it shut. He stops and presses his head on the door. I guess he decided not to go after her after a few seconds of resting his head against the door. He takes a long sigh before he walks over to sit on the couch.

"You can come down now?" he says as I start to stand. I wonder how long he knew I was up there.

"Hey" I don't know what to say to him. I feel awkward after just seeing that plus I really didn't want to see him just yet.

"Don't say anything." He says once I got behind the couch.

"I won't" I hope this means he doesn't want to talk at all. Here's hoping he wants to be left alone.

"Good because I'm tired of talking about it and I just want to drop the subject." I know the feeling.

"Okay" I say as I start to head towards the door.

"You had another night mare last night." He shouts once I have one foot out the door."

"OH" I say as I turn back another to look at him."

"Second one in a row." He says like he leading up to something.

"I see" hoping he lets it go.

"Yeah but lucky for you I am too drained to best it out of you."

"You are." I'm shocked.

"Yes, so I'll just say. I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you" I say before close the door and make my way to my rental car. I see no point in buying a car I am just going to drive for a couple moths. I won't need a car in New York. I'll just take a cab. I can afford it. I might even take the subway at some point.

Wow I am really surprised at a Gabriel. Things must be worse than I thought. Even when they are fighting he still finds a way to have a talk with me. Heavenly father he is just like a dad. Why is it he's the middle child but he acts so much like the oldest sibling so much like a parent. I love my brother and think we have a great friendship but I hate it he treats me like a child. I already have a dad granted he's had his moment when he wasn't the greatest. Like now for example, but my point is. I already have a dad. I just need a brother.

Okay I need to stop, I need to get him out of my head. I made it out the house and I need to put everything in check. I am not going to see Dean again either. I think I am going to stay away from him for a while. Being around him bought back feelings and I still haven't made sense of all of them. I have made sense of the unpleasant ones/ The ones that are aching to get to the surface but I won't let it.

I have to stay away from on the simple fact he makes me feel like a damn ready to burst. I don't need that right now. I have too much going on inside my head right now. Being with him only makes it worse. Especially since he told me he loves me every time I was there. I don't know why he told me that. I don't want to hear him say that. I don't need him to say that now. I need him just to be a good little sex slave.

He can't get that so I am going to stay away until he gets the picture. Hopefully he gets it soon. I don't think I can go that long without being inside of him. I don't know how I went so long with it. Just the feel of him sends waves though my body. I think that's why I refuse to kiss him. He kisses just over power everything. I'm dying to feel his lips but I just can't right now.

Okay time to push Dean out of my head and time to focus on my goal today. I like to set a goal every day and today's goal is to finish what I stared. I'm ashamed it took me this long but when you think about it the timing is perfect.

"Hello Anna" Yes I came to visit Anna at work. I haven't seen or talk to her since she walked out on me. It's crazy but I can't help it. I can't get the fact that she is sexually repressed out of my head. I want to be the one to free her. I know it been a couple weeks since she ended things with Dean but I know she hasn't been with anyone yet. I can tell from the way she carries herself she isn't that type of girl. I love it. Her being such a good girl is going to make this more fun.

"What are you doing here Clarence?" She says unfazed to see me.

Oh that's right. She thinks my name is Clarence. I should tell her the truth but I won't. There's no point. If I tell her I lied then I might not free her.

"I decided that I forgive you walking out on her date."

"That wasn't a date? " She says trying to be on a act. I'll play along. She took one look at me and I had her.

"So what was it because when I go for drinks with a beautiful girl I tend to call that date."

"Well it wasn't" she says as she blushes. I give it seven days before I am making her cum harder than she ever will. Yes I have that much confidence. I have a lot of references.

"Let's just agree to disagree if you agree to actually have a date with me." I could just hook up with her but there is no fun in that. I like to hang out with them first. Buy them a meal before I do whatever I like to their bodies. It's the least I can do. I tend to have a dirty mouth during sex.

"A date?" she says taken back. Is she stupid? I thought we both understood why I was here.

"Yes a date. Let's forget about before and start over." I say as I give her a small smile.

"Okay but there's something I have to tell you." Great she is about to tell me about Dean.

"I don't need to hear it. We can talk about everything in time. Just now I need you to have your prettiest dress tomorrow at six." I say as I look her in the eye. I can tell she loves it. She is bting her lip but still have a half smile on her face.

"I don't get off until six." She says smiling while rolling her eyes.

"So I'm sure you can leave early tomorrow." I say in low whisper.

"Okay fine. My prettiest dress tomorrow at six."

"Good."

"But can we make it six thirty." She says like she is unsure to ask.

"Anything you want." I say before I turn to walk away.

Okay that was quicker than expected. I didn't think it would be that easy. Guess I owe Dean a thank you. Not that he will ever know. They don't talk, Jo is minding her own business, and she thinks my name is Clarence. See I'm safe, Dean will never know.

Now that I have that out the way I have a whole day to kill. I know I see if Meg is up for some fun today. It's her day off and she is always up for a bit of fun.

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**So what did you think?**

**What about Jo and Gabriel. Do you think they are reaching the end of the road. **

**Do you think there's hope for them. Who's side would you take.**

**what do you think about Cas. Do you think he's hiding something.**

**What do you think about his mind set.**

**Do you think he is still in love with Dean?**

**Did you miss Dean**

**Let me know and I shall be back**


	16. Chapter 16 Jo

**Thank you to** **three of my best supports for the reviews. i love you guys and it only made want to work harder on this chapter. I hope you.**

**Now I don't do this slot but I want to tell you what I was trying to do. I wanted to show a more vulnerable side to Jo. I wanted her to have the most emotionally trying day where it just makes her change. I just to see how I can affect her and see how she comes back .**

**Let me know what you think. I am was off today but I am back to work until Monday. So I will be back sometime then.**

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I made him a miserable guy who lost his manhood. How did I do this? I know how I did this but I never thought it would get this bad. Whatever happen to all you need is love? I guess that's a lie because money sure became between us. If you would have asked me I would have sworn me and him would be that couple that makes it though everything. But here we are with the treads of our relationship torn and hanging on by a few strings. It's at the point where you either rip it apart all together or try and sew it together again. Too bad I walked out the house before we realized.

To be honest with you I am so scared to find out. What happen to the guy that wanted to have a baby girl with name named Stacy? Why Stacy? He would say he wanted me to be able to personally relate to the song Stacy's mom. I know it messed up when you think about it. I mean having my daughter become envious of me by making boys her age lust after me and pay no attention to her. Messed up maybe but he meant well.

I can't lose him. I can't my crazy always up to something guy who has a crazy romantic imagination. I'm the one who could stand to be more romantic. I never cook for him. He always cooks. I do clean, well sometimes. He cleans mostly. He always surprising me and I haven't done anything for him in at least six months. When I started working at the bar he use to rearrange his whole day just to see me. I never did anything like that for him.

He always wants to talk and I never do. Oh my god. What the hell happen? I became the jerky guy in our relationship. I have done nothing but reject him and start fights with him. I do still have sex with him but it's different now. I'm not willing to change it up or up to do it outside like I use too. I have such a great guy who has wanted nothing but to give me the best and I am pushing him away.

We have been in this house for about three months now and I have yet to see and pass due bills. They always come but they have always been paid the in full the month before. I'm nineteen years and I live in a beautiful four bedroom two and a half bath house. I have a pool and I have a great car. It's the same car that I drove away in and went all the way to my parent's house. This was the only place I could think of to go.

It's that part of the day where's it's too late and too early for them to be home. I knew if I came here then I would be able to be alone. Both my parents are out working, dean would also be at work and Sam was at his job at a summer camp. He would get first since camp gets gets out at four. I still have sometimes.

I lay in my own room at the foot of my bed. I am on my stomach holding one of my pillows. I take a whiff of the scent of my old life and I thank god my mom didn't change anything. I know I can never go back but it's nice to have a reminder, at least of the good memories. I try not to think about the bad memories yet I find myself thinking of them more. I just keep thinking how things would have played out differently where we all would be.

I wonder would have happen if all decided just to tell the truth. What if Dean would have never been in closet? Would he have just broken up with Bella and been honest and open with Cas. Would they be in a relationship that my parents knew about? If they had known would I have been able to go to the concert with Gabriel. Would we have gotten together or would have decided to be friends. Would be get to together stay to gether then break up. Or would we still be together.

If that would have happen then would our relationship different. Like if we broke up would we would we still be close? Or if we stayed together would he happy now and he would tell me everything. Cas would have never went to New York because Gabriel would have never talked Dean into breaking up with him. I still can't believe he did that to his own brother. I would have never caused someone I love that much pain.

Does he even feel guilty? I hope he does because it's kind of his fault Castiel is the way he is. I never said anything to him about ti. He asked me about ti a few times but I just told him it's cool. I don't even know where to begin. Yeah life would be easier if we told the truth and so much different.

"Jo" Damn it. Dean's home. I wonder how long he's been here. It looks like he was in the bed up until now. I wonder if I woke him up with my music.

"Hey what's up Dean." I say sitting up on my bed. He takes that as a queue to come sit next to me.

"What are you doing here?" Should I tell him? We haven't been exactly close lately. Whenever he comes over he just hangs with Gabriel. Come to think about it they been going out without me for a while now.

"Oh just wanted to come by." He studies me for a minute as if he notices that I am not alright, It's like he can see the hurt in my eyes.

"Really" he says unsure. The room is starting to feel a bit awkward.

"Yeah I feel like we haven't hung out in forever I came by to see if you wanted to do something."

"Yeah sure. That sounds cool." He says after a moment. "There's something I been wanting to talk to you about." Great does he know about us fighting? Did Gabriel tell him?

"What is it?" I ask trying to remain cool.

"What's up with Cas? I haven't seen or heard from in a while and he was giving me this strange vibe?" Oh great here we go again. No matter what he fails to see someone else in need other than himself? Sometimes I wish they never got to together and they were both straight. All man Dean might be engaged to Bella. Wow she seems so long ago.

"I don't Dean. He doesn't exactly talk to me. " I say trying to hold back my growing frustration with him,.

"I think you do." He says giving me a look. Please of please don't try me today. I really don't want to snap on him. I been doing so good staying out of it.

"I really don't. I barely see him." I really don't but I still know everything that has been going on with them. Despite our problems we still manage to talk about Destiel. That's actually one of my problems. I feel like they have a driving force in our relationship. I want everything to be separate, but that will never happen. Not when two families come together complete.

"Come on Jo cut the crap. He tells you everything. He's your best friend like Gabriel is mine."

"That might be true but you; Meg, and most importantly Gabriel are my best friends too." I'm tired of this. I feel like we aren't a group of friend any more. Cas and I are friends and the guys we love just happen to be friends too but no cross over. I hate this. Why can't we all just get along again? We were supposed to share secrets with each other not keep secrets from each other.

"Yeah but you two seem the closet and Meg is not my friend." That's because he is the only one that hasn't lied to me.

"Look-" Why am I even about to argue with him. It doesn't matter it's not like what I have to say matters. Maybe that's from years of always telling people what they need to hear whether they wanted to or not. "Whatever Dean. I don't know what's up with him."

"Why you got to lie to me? Why couldn't just say you just say you can't talk about it?" Talk about what? What am I supposed to tell him? Oh I know that the last person I was close to doesn't talk to me no more either. Yes I have Meg and I love her like a sister but this different. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like we have our own special bond.

"Dean I just can't with you today." I say as I get up to leave.

"So you're going to leave so you don't have to tell me the truth. Come one I thought you understood love." Okay that right there made me stop in my tracks and turn towards him. HE can't be serious right now. "I thought you knew how much we loved each other. You should know since you think you have a one in a million relationship. Plus you owe us"

"Excuse me. I think I have what. I owe you what" Please tell me he is trying to say that what he and Cas have is better than what I have with Gabriel.

"Forget it. It doesn't matter? You just said we were friends too but I don't we are anymore." Funny I was starting to think the same thing.

"Oh no. Please I want to hear it." I say flooding my arms as I lean to the side.

"We're not friends we're just related. Or your just my friends girlfriend. We aren't close. You haven't talk to me or seen how I was doing. Whenever I came to you and tried to get your advice you just blew me off."

"That's not true." I say as I feel my throat tighten.

"Right you just sat there and pretended to listen. Like that's any better." Wow glad to know just listening to a friend or family member was rude.

"I was listening."

"No you were too busy wrapped up in your own problems not caring about the other people around you falling apart. "

"Stop it" I say feeling like I am on the verge of tears.

" I mean it have you even noticed the way Gabriel bends over backwards for you or that Cas is in the middle of some spiral."

"Shut up."

"What's the matter? The truth hurts. I haven't hung out with you because you only care bazout yourself now."

"Fuck you!" I say as I turn to rush out the house.

I can't believe the day I'm having. I got into a fight with two of the three most important guys in my life besides my dad. Wow glad to realize that I am a horrible person. I wonder if I can go for the hat trick later with Cas. I hope not. I can't take anything else today.

Since being alone in my parents' house didn't work I have decided to be alone at the beach. It's a small one that not to many people visits but that's what I need. I stay there all day and night watch the few people who crossed my path. I watch families, young couples, and old couples all day. At night when the sun went down I saw a group of six friends having a bon fire. They all looked like they were having fun. I saw one couple and they laughed with everybody.

By the end of the day one thing has become clear. I need to go home. I need to fix my relationship with all three of my guys but first the most important one. I thought about waiting for him to come after me but then I remembered. He tried to stop me and ask me to stay and I walked out on him. I'm the one who need space. I have to go to him. He can't always be the one to make the first move.

I'm nervous though. I want to talk to him but I don't know how yet. Maybe I should give it more time. I have no idea what to say to him. I don't know where to start. I wonder if he is in the living room or of he is in our room.

I walked into my house half expecting it empty. I am starting to realize how drained I am. I kind of just want it to go away. When I walk in I am surprised at what I walked in on. The air was turned all the way up and there was a quilt on the couch. I loved snuggling under the blanket when the air conditioner is on. On the table there are bowls of walnuts, m &amp; m's, rainbow sprinkles. There is a bottle of heresy chocolate syrup next to a can of whip cream. All is missing in the ice cream and Oreo's.

"You're home?" Speak of the devil. Just as I thought it Castiel walks in with a half a gallon of coffe ice cream and what I am assuming are frozen Oreo cookies.

"What's this?" I ask as I though the my bag to the side.

"Well I figured you might have a rough day so I wanted to help you relax. So I fixed your favorite dessert and rented the Little Mermaid. " he says with a smile.

Okay so maybe I still kind of have one of my guys. I love him for this. This right here will help me relax.

Castiel and I cuddle the whole time the movie was on. It was sexual or anything. I was just to friend comforting each other. By the end of the movie I felt a almost better. The only thing that would make me better is to see him.

After the movie I said my good nights and made my way to my room. Each step felt like it drag along. I enter my room to find the lights off but I can see him outline on the bed. I say nothing as I slip pass him to take a quick shower. The pressure of the hot water makes me relax as it washes away the day I had.

I step out of the shower and quickly dry myself, I lotion myself up before I change into a white tank top and a pair of colorful cotton undies. Once done I made my way to the bed and laid beside him.

Here I am at the end of my day and I am lying right beside him. We are both lying on our backs looking at the ceiling fan. We have an air conditioner but sometimes we like to open the windows and feel that cool summer night breeze. He lies here quiet. He hasn't taken a look at me since I climbed on top of our covers.

I relax into my mattress as I let my mind wonder as I count is breaths. I feel so care free when I am beside him. Even though he might have cause my pain but he is the one who can sure. I just wonder which one off us will be the one to speak first.

"JO" I guess he is the one.

"Yes" I say ever so tired. I am tired. I feel emotionally drained. I just want to close my eyes and dream this day away.

"I'm on Academic probation." He's what. I thought he was doing good in school.

"So get a tutor." I don't feel like caring right now. That takes a lot of energy that I don't have.

"I am but I'm scared Jo."

"What are you afraid of?" I ask ever so calm while my minds race a mile a minutes. Did he borrow money from loan sharks? Did he get into some kind of drug operation? OH my god what is he scared of.

"Afraid of what might happen if I fail again." I can here panic in his voice but he still maintains a low whisper.

"What might happen?" I hope he doesn't do this all night. I hope he just come out with it.

"I'm going to lose my trust fund." Trust fund? Did he just say trust fund? There is no way my boyfriend is rich. He can't be rich. If he was rich I would have already know. There is no way. He is making this up.

"You have a trust fund?" I don't believe it. "Please tell me about it. Explain how I had no idea and how you hid it from me all this time."

"I…I didn't hid it from you…..Look let me just start from the beginning. Around the time I started failing my classes is the same time you got the job at the bar. Now I know you never asked me but if I didn't see you on your time then I would have gotten to see you. I knew if we if we never saw each then things might end between us and I didn't want that. So by trying to spend time with you I fell behind on my classes and failed two. Now it's not your fault but I resent you a little for it but I thought that it would pass and I would be happier for it. It started to go that way for a couple weeks but then I was informed that one of the conditions of my trust is that I have to have a degree by the time I'm twenty three. If I don't then I forfeit whatever I have from the small ten percent I have now and the rest of it to be deposited on my twenty fifth birthday. Provided I hold down a steady job for a year. See by me failing and being on probation scared me into thinking that I was going to lose my safety net."

"But baby why didn't you just tell me this?" I am trying to keep it together but I do not like this. Have you noticed he is talking in the present tense? I think this might be how he is feeling now.

"I couldn't and I didn't want to…..See my mom side is the one my trust is from. See my mom met my dad when he was twenty 21 and stationed in San Diego. She was nineteen and on vacation when they fell in love. See my mom was from Bel Air and every weekend she would go see him, no matter what. She did this for a year until he got transferred again. She didn't want him to go, so he proposed to her so they would never be apart. She of coursed accepted and they were happy one day. On the second day they told my grandparents and they were outraged. They hated the idea of their daughter marrying a low level private. Then my mom got into a fight with her parents ending with her choosing my dad. They ran off got married and she got disinherited. My mom didn't care. She loved my dad and her life. They moved from base to base over the next six years never speaking to her parents. They finally reconnected when my mother had Balthazar. They somehow buried the hatchet but my mother got her in heritage back. Instead they left everything to me and my brothers. We each got one third of their estate but it came with some conditions." He says stopping to take a breath.

"Which are?"

"One we have to have a degree. Why because my mother dropped out of Berkley to follow my dad everywhere. Two we can have any felony charges adult or juvenile. Then there is three. We are under a gag order bound by law. If we are to speak off or finance to anyone outside our family then we forfeit our half and is donated to various projects. I am however allowed to share this with someone I have been in a committed relationship with for three years and intend to marry within the next two years."

"Wow" What do I say to that? I wanted to know and he told me everything. What am I to say? I know I don't want to ask him how much he is worth now and in the future but I don't want it to come off the wrong way. "So you didn't want to tell me this?

"No" I know this might be stupid but I am actually hurt he didn't want to tell me I think I am starting to have doubt. Add that to the fact resents and not resented. How can I not? He has never held back. He knows I would have kept his secret.

"Why?"

"Because my resent came back and I started to think about sharing a life with you. Then I stared to think if I tell her and someone found out am I ready to marry her. I know I promised one day but I just don't want it to come too soon" I don't like where this is going. "Then I thought about how much I loved you and how I was giving up a life to be with you. I wondered if I would feel regret." This is the part where I would start to argue with him, but I am too tired to even try.

"Oh, so what are you saying" I sound calm but on the inside I am panicking.

"What I am saying is that? I love you and I want to be with you and know you are my soul mate but lately I am starting to wonder if we got together to fast." And there it is. I knew this was coming.

" Wow didn't see that coming."

"So where this does leads us?" he ask finally turning to look at us. I followed his moments as I cuddle the pillow. I looked in his eyes and I see everything that I am feeling. He looks scared, loving, and doubtful. I don't want this to end but I am starting to think maybe we won't be forever. He will no longer be the guy who had showed up to my prom and turned me into princess when he told me he loved me for the first time. He always implied it but he never said it until that night. I can't let him go but I think we have more issues then we realize and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

He is looking at me almost holding his breath. The moon light beams on him as I lean in to kiss him. I gentle placed my lips on his. I rested them there until he started moving his against mind. We laid there gently kissing for a few moments before he scowling moving his hand up my white tank top. I wrap my leg around him as our kisses intense. He runs his one hand through my hair as he grazes my thigh with his other. He suddenly breaks our kiss before he stares deep into my eyes. For a minute all our problems were gone and all we felt was love. He suddenly flipped me on back before he rest his body on mine.

Right now I call a pause. I don't want to deal with anything right now. Right now I just want to feel and I can't think of a better way.

* * *

**So what do you think?**

**Gabriel came clean and told her a few other things? **

**Who's side would you take. GAbriel or JO?**

**Can they come back from it.**

**"What about Dean? What is feeling towards him right now.**

**How sweet was Cas?**

**Leave a review telling me what you think?**

**Oh and Alice do not worry Cas will find out but you have to trust me. Cas will find out and it will be good it's just not right now. **


	17. Chapter 17 Castiel

**Hello everyone I am back. I know I been gone for over two weeks and I apologize to those who have been wanting to know what happens next. My life will calm down after this week and I will be back to updating like I did before.**

**I like to think alice, arkam zombie, and sonya for the reviews they mean a lot.**

**Again I thank you arkam for the pm's they really meant a lot and inspired me to write. I admit I was also having trouble with this chapter. I knew how I wanted it to end what to happen next but I couldn't figure out how it was going go in this chapter.**

**I wanted to show you another side of Cas. I hope you like him. **

**Last thing I did change the name but only because I felt this title fit. **

**don't forget to review.**

* * *

**Chapter 17 Castiel **

Three missed calls from Dean. Wow that's a low for the last hour. Usually ihave five or six, but maybe he is getting the hint.

Why did I say Dean name? Now my head is flooding with thoughts of him. It's only making me want to know Anna more. I need to understand why Dean won't just admit who he is. If he did that things with us would be so different. If only but it's not and Dean is hiding in the closet causing us to have so many problems, Yeah it's better if I only have a physical relationship with him. If I don't talk to then it will be easy. I just have to keep doing what I have been doing and I will be fine.

I will be fine just as long as Dean stops calling me. Lately it seems like it will never happen. I don't get it. Why does he keep calling me? Last year he dumped me via letter and never called or tried and sort of communication to reach out to me. I come back to town and I start sort of relationship up of course then I just stop seeing him and now he won't stop calling.

Wait I understand now. When Dean wants me I should want him and when he doesn't I should be okay with it. I should be mad but I don't care. It has been like this our whole relationship and I am putting a stop to it. I am no longer at his beck and call. We are over and I no longer want him back.

I know when I came home I wanted him back. That was before I realized we had more than one issue. See I use to believe that Dean and I had one issue. Yes we had a few small ones in the past but I would call it growing pains. But this one issue was the one thing that could make or break us. Because of my experience ay school I thought I had a better understanding of it. I still do have a better understanding of it but now there are more factors. So bottom line I am done with Dean Winchester. I will learn to not love him and a way to fully move on.

Okay that's what I have to keep telling myself. I just knocked on Anna's door and I am nervous. Part of me wants to know her to see why Dean choose her and part of me just wants to bang her brains out.

"Clarence?" she says as she comes to the door. God she is hot. Her fiery red hair is all over her hhead and I love. I don't know many girls who can make red hair sexy but she is one of them. How can Dean not want to hit this? How can I not hit this?

"Hello Anna" I say ever so calm and confident. I know I am going to win her over. She is trying to play it one way but I can see she is excited to see me. I just hope she is getting excited in her daisy dukes I hope she has condoms. Thanks to the people I live with, I forgot to grab a few. Please have some.

"Clarence hi?" She as I remember she thinks my name is Clarence. I have to remember that. You know out of all the lies I have told, I have never lied about my name. Come to think about it the only time I lie is when Dean is somehow involved in my life. Okay now I have another reason to add to the list on why need to just move on from him.

"What are you doing here?" Right about that, she canceled out date earlier today. She sent me some vague text about something coming up but I didn't buy. At least I didn't want to buy it. I have been in house all day and it was just unbearable. The once comfortable vibe is now gone. Jo and Gabriel are un bearable to be around right now.

"You know if I was keeping track this would be the second time you stood me up."

"What?" she says confused. It's actually kind of cute.

"So I know you kind of cancelled but I just had a weird day and the crazy thing is all I wanted to do is spend time with a certain red head."

"Really and why do you really want to spend time with her?" Watch me not even try hard.

"Because she is beautiful and she has the smoothest skin I have ever seen. When I look into her eyes I see so much more than outer beauty. I may not have spent that mush time talking to her but I did. I talked to her. I may have brief conversations with her but I saw a piece of her each time. When I saw her I wanted to know you. I wanted to understand you. I still want to and if you blow me off a couple times in-between then so be it." Yes I know smooth. I fond if you restate facts and gove a compliment it can help you out anytime.

"Come on in." she says after a moment to fight and bite her lower lip only to give me a smile at the end.

Once I get inside her first floor apartment. I took a look around to admire her place. A person little touches tells you a lot about the place. She has a typical college student apartment. It looks like she only shop at Ikea. I do notice a few pictures of her and her parents and what I am guessing is a brother and sister. There's a stuffed teddy bear, and pictures of what looks like old friends. All and all it looks like she is pretty average.

I make myself comfortable as he she walks over to the kitchen to grab us drinks. To my non surprise she brings us wine. Why would it be? I told her a few facts in a beautiful tone, she is sexual repressed and I'm cute. She is so going to give in.

"So you had a weird day and you wanted to spend it with me….or some other red head." She says as she sits next to me. She is trying to play it safe but I can sense her nerves. I guess it's been that ling for her.

"I did and I just need someone to talk to." I say as I keep a respectable distance.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asks giving me such a warm look. Okay time to state facts and make it sound desirable.

"Okay" I say as I take a breath. Got to make it look real. "I am close to both Gabriel and Jo. Gabriel is my family but I am starting to look at Jo the same way."

"That's great, so what's wrong."

"….They got into a fight yesterday and somehow it went from bad to worse. They fought yesterday in the early afternoon. Somehow between today from last night they went from lovers to roommate. They get into fights a lot and they always make up at the end of the night. Usually the next morning is good but today it was awkward and uncomfortable.

"You know if I had feelings they might actually be getting hurt." I say as I give her my winning smile. I don't smile much but when I do it never fails. That and my eyes has become my secret weapon. I do feel sorry for those who don't know what it's like to have deep blue eyes and perfect teeth.

"I don't think is considered standing up if I cancel in advance." She says with a slightly annoyed smile.

"Awe so you admit you have stood me up at least once."

"Yeah about that" she says as she folds are arms and leans in her door way. As she takes a moment to gather her thoughts I take a moment to admire the curve in her body. She isn't the curviest but she does have curves. Her body has the subtle hints that you can't help but love. I look at her chest form fitting in her wife beater. It looks like she doesn't have a bra on. My pants tighten just looking at her.

"Hey I don't want to talk about that now. I had a very weird day and all I want to do is spend the evening with you."

"You do?" she asks as she stands up straight. The look in her eyes say hopeful can really see her spirit. I see think I am starting to understand why Dean wanted to connect with her. She seems very generous.

"Yes, things are a little weird at home and I need some sense of normal."

"And I give you that." Wow she ignored the fact that I just called her a another word for average. She actually thinks that's a good thing. If I am having a not so good day I want to be with the one person who makes beyond normal. That person that just puts you in such a high that those few minutes that person is giving you just made everything worth it.

"Yes" I say as I give her a sideways smile.

"So why not tell me about it." She says as she starches her legs over to my lap.

"Well" I say as I grab her left foot to massage them. "Gabriel and Jo got into an argument yesterday. Some things were said it didn't end on a good note. So somehow between yesterday afternoon and this morning things went from bad to worse. They could barely stand to look at each other. They talked though me, and they have been making passive aggressive remarks about each other to me. To say being home is awkward would be an understatement."

"That really sucks. Seeing your cousin and your best friend behave like that with each other must really blows." Did she just use suck and blows to try and comfort me? Funny, Dean also uses those words but his have a better ring to it.

"You get that Jo is my best friend."

"Yeah I know I only been around you separately but knowing what I know about you three it makes sense that you two are very close. "

"What do you know about us?"

"Not much , I don't even know how you became close to Jo. How did it happen when you are form California?" Sounds like a loaded question. How to answer it?

"I moved around a lot. My dad's in the military and we moved a lot and Lawrence just happens to one of those places. I lived here in high school before I moved again."

"SO you know Dean." And there it is. It's the shame and guilty expressions. Watch me make gold out of this.

"I do know Dean do you." I ask as I give her the most innocent look while I knead he foot.

"I do" she says snatching away from me to sit at the edge of the couch.

"Okay, well so do I. IS there a problem?"

"Well." She says as she pauses to think. "I dated Dean. No we were in a relationship for close to a year and we just broke up not even a month ago." I wait to speak. I want her to process what she has just said and what her expectations are of me. Why does she feel bad for telling me or why did she tell me? Why does it matter?

"I do know Dean and I can assure you I have no relationship with him."

"You have to have so kind. You two are pretty much in the same circle." Kind of true.

"Yes, I do see him from time to time but it is nothing serious." Aint that the truth.

"Okay because I didn't know you knew him at first. That was until I took you to the bar that night."

"Yes I remember it fondly." I sure do. Minus the whole love confession but that was my first time back with Dean. Damn that was a good night.

Anna says nothing as she smile. I will let her believe I am talking about her. Who am I to really correct her. IF it makes her feel good then I am all for it.

"Look I am ready to get to know you. IT's half way through the summer and we have a lot of ground to cover before Labor Day." I say this as I cup her chin. I keep it frimly in my hand as I look into her eyes.

"That's right you go to school in New York." She says as she tries to turn away but I won't let her. I keep a tight hold on her as I keep gazing onto her eyes.

"Yes but I am here now. Let's just get to know each other and enjoy being young in the summer." AT this moment Anna is looking at me begging me to kiss her. She thinks this the perfect moment but it not. I know when the r perfect moment will be and soon so shall she.

I lie back on the couch and demand she tell me about herself. I might just want to have sex her but she still a person. I don't care what the situation is I will always make my partner feel comfortable and respected. They are more willing that way.

Think I'm wrong? ….Then why did my might go just how I knew it would. I sat there talked to her, got to know a little of my backstory. I manage to tell a few stories about high school that didn't have to do with Dean. We order food. We drank some more and next thing I know she's riding me on her couch. Only thing I regret is not using a condom. I should have worn one but I have never gone without. There are only two people I have never worn a condom with, but I'm pretty sure there clean.

Anna was good though. She exploded the minute she crash landed on me. I could tell she had been without it for a while. She was so hungry for me. I put in everything I had in me just knowing Dean can't feel her this way. I made sure that will still remember my name years from now. I twirled my tongue over every inch of her body. I made sure to pay extra attention to the sensitive areas. I rub everything she wanted me to. I flipped her body everywhere I could while I stroked a merciless stroke inside her pussy. It didn't take long before her whole body was trembling. I kept her going for a half hour before I let up and gave into my own orgasm.

I left her in a coma with a cute note on her night stand. I know it's wrong but I hate spending the night out. I like my own bed. I'll see her again. She is very good and can keep up the pace. I have about a month before I leave for school. I leave for school then come back for Labor Day Weekend. After that I will have permanently moved to New York. I wonder what Gabriel will say when he learns I am moving in with Balthazar. Whatever he has something to say about everything. All and all my night turned out pretty good. I think I am looking forward to doing it again. Just got to make sure she doesn't fall in love.

Yup-oh crap.

"Hey Cas." Fuck me fuck me. I walk up on my steps and he is sitting right the fuck here. Damn, he really doesn't give up.

"What are you doing here? I ask as I stand on the top step.

"We need to talk?" he says as he stand in front of my door. Great I don't think he is going to let me go in the house willingly

"Dean I do not wish to speak with you. I thought my lack of taking your calls was an indication, but I over estimated you. "

"Cut the crap Cas. I don't have time for this bull shit. I am not in the best mood." He says raising his voice. I guess he doesn't care its one thirty in the morning

"And you insist on spreading it to those who are." Dean grunts as he pinched the bridge in his nose.

"Cas seriously I have been calling you. Have you listen to any of my messages." I deleted them with listening to them.

"I haven't gotten around to it." I don't know why I didn't just tell him. I don't care one way or another if he knows.

"Well maybe you should. Do you have any clue to why I have been calling you?" Let's see …he want to pull at my heart strings, you want to play gay today for a couple weeks, oh he wants to try and explain his letter.

"Why don't you just tell me? I won't listen to your message tonight and I won't call you tomorrow so you might as well tell me so I can go to bed."

"Fine" he says staring me down for a second. It's like he is checking to see if I am listening to him. "I have gonorrhea and you are the only one I could have gotten it from."

Did he just say gonorrhea? There's no way. How can I have that? Wouldn't I know by now? How does Dean know he got it from me? I know for a fact he has been with another guy. The again he could have gotten it from me. Other than Dean there was a guy I didn't use a condom with. Although in hind sight I should have used one.

I should have never gone there with him in the first place. I still can't believe he hurt me like that. When I think about it I get so angry? I swear if after what he did to me and I have a STD I might go back to Cornell and kill Nick.

"Well Cas. You got something to say."

OH crap.

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**so what do you think?**

**Is cas a pig, jerk, or something else.**

**Thinks he still loves Dean.**

**OMG they have an std.**

**Who do you think spread it to who. **

**Who's nick and why does Cas think he might be to blame.**

**All this coming soon.**

**Feel free to leave a comment or question.**

**PLus who's pov Dean or Cas. **

I


	18. Chapter 18 Gabriel

**Hello all I am back and life seems to be getting back to normal although I do have a wedding coming up which means I have at four things planned along side with me working my ass off. Oh congrats to me I worked six days this week. got time and a half.**

**to my readers thank you so much. I love you so much. You help me keep calm. I love writing for you. to satan you owe me nothing. I am just glad you can read when you have the time. You have been here since the start. to arham thank you for the advice you helped me wretie this chapter in a way. to sonya thank you for your review I appreciate you too. you are still reading and that means a lot to me because this is such a long story.**

**Okay so I know you were expecting Dean pov but that turned out crap. I could get pass four hundred words because I the stuff I wanted them to talk about didn't feel like the right time. I feel like they need a little bit more time to bake. **

**anyway hope you like. Drop a review.**

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Uggg ,my head. Oh god I feel like I got beat in the head with a hammer. What the hell was I thinking last night? I don't think I have ever been drunker. Curse that damn bartender with her big boobs and strong ass drinks. If it wasn't for her I would remember last night. Well I do remember bits and pieces but not that much. That is the last time I have drinks with Meg.

Yes I went out drinking with Meg. See what had happen was I was at home drinking alone. Cassie was out picking up his random hook up of the night and Jo went to work. Dean for some reason wasn't picking up his phone and my other brother lives in New York. I was sitting on the couch having a drink when she stopped by.

She just walked in not bothering to call or knock before she even came in. Come to find out Jo gave her a key. Yeah she did, just like that. She ask or discuss it with me she gave her one the day after we got the keys to the house. I don't think we gave keys to Dean and Cassie that fast. Well Cassie for sure. He just got his keys since he moved back home and we discussed Dean getting a key. She had to think about her own cousin getting a key more than some girl she just friends with.

Anyway she came in had a drink with me then invited me to have a drink at some bar. Somehow she knew the bartender Khali and we didn't have to worry about id. Man that girl drinks was strong besides the conversations I had with me Meg all I can remember from that place is staring down Khali's boob while she poured my drink. The night is kind of become a blur. I know I saw Jo and Cassie and maybe even Dean.

IT's the weirdest thing it's like I have bits and pieces of Jo saying things to me not so nice things. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if we were arguing. Is it really a secret we aren't getting along, especially after my little confessions the other day and night? I really didn't need to say all of that. She doesn't need that stuff dumped on her like that. They are my feelings to bare a lone. Despite everything I still love her more than ever. She's the one but I still can't help but wonder if the one came too soon. Yeah I'm an asshole.

Speaking of asshole I think I called Dean one or at least something along that line. Yeah I did but how. I haven't seen Dean for at least three days but I keep seeing imagines of him and Cassie together on my porch. It's possible it may have happen. The two of them could have been there last night. Last I check Cassie was ducking Dean and Dean could have gone all determined slash crazy ex-girlfriend on him. Oh I hope not. I bet Meg a hundred bucks that the two would not speak for at least two weeks. Hey I remember something else from last night.

Oh Dean please tell me you didn't do nothing stupid like confront my emotionally challenge pig of a brother.

Ahhh my head, sorry. I just got this sharp pierce in my head thanks to Jo shoving me as she moves in her sleep. You know I know Jo is kind of strong but damn she a little ruff today. I must have pissed her off good if she using that kind of strength.

"Jo please" I know I portably fucked up but I need to some kind of mercy today.

"Wrong one." What? That voice was kind of deep. Did I sleep in Cassie's room.

"What?" I say as I finally open my eyes to the piercing light. I think the room might actually be spinning.

"I said wrong person?" Dean says as he pops up in my eye sight.

"What the hell?" I say as I sit up and he moves back to his spot.

"Morning asshole" he says looking at me and smiling.

"Why are you in my bed?" I say as I notice all I have on is my boxers. "Why am I in my boxers?" I feel naked.

"Look again sweetheart, you are in my bed?" OH shit I am. I am lying in my boxers in Dean's room. What the hell happen last night?

"Why am I here?"

"You must have been really hammered last night." He says with such a pity laugh.

"OH god, you took advantage of me last night didn't you."

"What?" he says trying to keep his cool? I think he might actually be panicking.

"You did, didn't you? You raped me?" I say as I pull the covers over me.

"Now hold on." He says getting mad.

"No you raped me. You took advantage of me because my brother won't return your phone calls. That's how I got here didn't, I? You sick freak, how could you Dean?"

"Fuck you Gabriel. I did not such thing. You think because I'm gay I want to fuck you. Well I got news for you man I don't want you in fact the thought just makes me sick." Awwwwww, why did I do that? His yelling that made my brain feel like it's bleeding. Wait a second let's rewind.

"Dean did you just say you were gay?"

'Fuck you man I… I did?"

"You really did."

"I did." He really did. I can't believe it. He has always allude to the fact but he has never just stated it as a fact.

"Dean do you realize what you have done." I ask very carefully. I have to treat this moment like I am trying to capture a butterfly.

"I think I do." He says as he thinks about it.

"You just officially came out of the closet to me." Okay what he says next will forever change my opinion of him.

"I damn sure did." He says with relief in his breath.

"Congrats" I say as I try to hug him. Not my best idea. Turns out if I stay very still I will be a 9 on the major hangover charts. Yes that's out of ten.

"Get off of me. I'm still pissed at you." Yeah definitely staying still and I am going to make sure I am not touched. Dean pushing me off of him made the vile in my stomach move around.

"Well you called me an asshole." I whined. Everything it's like the pain in my head and the vile in my stomach have taken over my whole body.

"You deserved that shit. Are you kidding? After the shit you pulled that would be considered a nice word to call you."

"What I do?" As I make a mental note to ask him what he was doing at my house.

"You really don't remember."

"NO"

'Woe okay, see I was at your house to talk to Cas. We had talk maybe all of a minute when you, Jo, and Meg came up. You were really drunk but only Meg was helping you. Jo was mad when she came up on the steps and sense me and her aren't on the best terms right now she got really mad." Okay make those two mental notes. " You made a comment about us not doing it on the porch before you turned to Jo before you start yelling at her how you know to keep a secret and how nobody out of us know about me and Cas. She tried ignoring you but you then yelled at her how she blabbed about you being rich and not being able to trust her on top of everything else.

Oh no. please tell me I didn't. I could have been that out of control. Did Jo really tell my secret? How did I find out? "Cas and I both tried calming you down but you wouldn't. Jo started crying said that was how you were acting since you showed up at her job."

"How did I do that?"

"I'm getting there. Long story short you misunderstood what Meg had said Jo told her. She got pissed and snuck away from Mega and showed up at Jo's job. You walked in saw her smiling at some guy, started a fight, and got her fired. Then you came home and revealed to me and Meg that you are loaded. Then you accused Cas of wanting your Cotton. That's when Jo and Cas demanded that I take you somewhere so bought you here."

"Okay but how did I end up in my boxers."

"You said you were a man and as a man were going to sleep in a bed comfortable."

"Wow sounds like I was out of line." I feel so ashamed.

"You think much." He says sarcastic.

"I have never fucked up this bad before. How do you handle it?"

"I just pick up the pieces one by one." He says like he thinks about it often.

"Is that what you were trying to do last night." I think I might actually be coming around to the idea of Dean with my brother.

"More like destroying the pieces." He says guilty.

"What did you do?" OF course then again Dean was never the brightest star and Cassie doesn't need that.

"If I tell you something it has to stay between us. You can't tell Jo, Cas, or that demon whore.

"I don't Jo will talk to me anytime soon, Cassie barely talks to me and _Meg _was a onetime thing." He really need to get over this jealousy of Meg. She is nothing when compared to Dean in Cassie's eyes. She knows she will never be more than a friend and part time lover. WE all can see that. I'm a need him to him too.

"I'm serious you tell this and I will spill the beans about Cornell." This must be serious. Cassie can never learn that not at least for another ten years. I prefer he never know but if it has to come out it can come out then.

"I promise Dean. My lips are sealed."

"Last night I told Cas I have gonorrhea."

"Omg you do. Who did you get it from? Was it my brother or was it one of those three guys you hooked up with. Don't worry, Cassie only thinks it's been one other guy he don't know about the other two." I know I'm rambling a mile a minute but damn.

"Will you shut up and listen?" He says angry.

"Okay fine." My stomach was starting to bubble from the excitement.

"Look I love Cas and I want to be with him anyway I kind for as long as I can. I know he belongs in upstate New York and I wouldn't want him to go to school anywhere else. I just need to little doses of him. See there are times when I start to hurt when I realize I can't just walk to his house or call him. I remember that those days are long and over and I have no idea when I am going to see him again. I didn't see or hear from him for a year. Ever since I've known him he has never been totally out my life. If he wasn't there front and center he was in the background. This year he wasn't there at all. After so many lonely nights he finally comes back to town. I don't grow hopeful because I don't know if he will talk to me. As luck would have it I run into again. One look brings back all my own feelings. See I was just starting to make peace with the fact that I might not see him for a long long time. In that moment I remembered how much in love with him I am and how I will never make peace with anything that keeps me apar from hi. With that being said I will take him in anything."

"Omg you so gay."

"Seriously man ."

"Okay fine but I don't see how this has anything to do with you two having the clap."

"My point is I made it up."

"What?" He can't be this stupid. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know. He would talk to me. I couldn't say I was pregnant so I came up with the next big thing."

"An STD is the next big thing. You could just tell him you love him."

"I told him that every night. He would pretend he was sleep I would tell him thinking he would bring it up when he was ready. Only he just stopped completely." This poor bastard, he really sounds panic. "Don't tell him I made it up."

"Okay first stop whining. You are starting to sound like a chick. Dean Winchester may like guys but that don't make him no lady." I say finally looking at him. Oh god, I know he is punishing me that's no way my bones should be aching as they crack.

"True" he says taking a breath.

"Second, I don't have to tell him. He's going to find out he doesn't have it when he gets to the doctor. I won't mention the new can of worms that will open."

"Why you that?" he asks nervous.

"Didn't you pay attention in health class."

"I slept though most of it and still got a B." I would slap him if I was trying to watch my brain function.

"Idiot, gonorrhea presents symptoms in guys. If he really had it would burn every time he takes a piss."

"They won't even test him."

"No they most likely will but they are also going to tell him they don't think he has it."

"OH shit." He says as his eyes pop out of his head. "I just fucked up even more."

"Yeah you did but it's all good. "

"How is it all good?"

"Well you love my brother and I have faith you will do everything you can to fix this."

"Right, just will do everything you can to fix things with Jo."

"Yes but we can't do it alone."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we need to fix every last one of our relationships. If one of is is happy then we are all happy."

"Sounds about right, so where do we start."

"We start with you shutting up and letting me sleep off this hangover. I need to be fully alert if I am going to attempt to rebuild New Orleans.

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**So whatd id you think?**

**Are you poud of Dean.**

**Is it too good to be true?**

**What about Gabriel? **

**He fucked up. **

**I wonder what Jo thinks?**

**Any who let me know what you think.**

**Don't worry Dean will be front and center again. **

**btw follow me on instagram at akinseykiss (I Just started it) don't forget my twitter akinsey_dawrtie **


	19. Chapter 19 Castiel

**Hello everyone, how's it going. Hope you are all having a great fucking day. anyways thank you for the reviews**

**first to my anonymous reviewer who felt the need to criticize my summary and not bother to read my story I would just like to say. next time leave a name. its called short hand. maybe your reading this maybe you aren't but either way I doubt you are texting your friends or on twitter since you couldn't understand my summary but thanks for taking the time to review. follow me on twitter boo boo if you want to learn more about it. it's akinsey_dawrtie hey instagram too akinseykiss**

**now to sonya thank you love. I know I say this a lot but you leaving a comment really makes my day. love you lots bay and your right Gabriel is now in the same land as dean well kind of. I think he is a few miles away from the town but he is close. **

**to arkham I am proud of dean too but remember it's dean. he makes one right turn but then makes two wrong ones. he's only human though. you gotta love him. your right everything started with a lie but I doubt they fully realize that yet. Jo and Gabe do need to get locked in a room but I don't think they know that yet. Btw way thank you and I love you lots too. **

**anywho here we go next chapter still no dean. I know you guys must miss his inner thoughts but I promise you he will return soon.**

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**Chapter 19 Castiel**

Fucking dean, how many ways is he going to disrupt my life. No, how many times am I going to let him. Why do I let him do these things to me? I spend all of time trying to find a way for not to affect my life. I was finally getting there too. I was finally starting to be okay. I was finally starting to be okay with everything that has happen to me in this last year. Just when I was finally starting to be okay he shows up and tells me to I have a sexually transmitted disease.

Not do I have but I am patient zero. I have to laugh in all the times I whored around I have never come in contact with such a thing, but now Dean swears I gave it to him. Wow I have to say I am not happy about any of this. I have a crappy year and just when I think things are getting better Nick comes back into my life to fuck it up somehow.

Yes I said Nick. Who's Nick? Nick would be the guy who just reminded me of Dean in so many ways. HE is the guy I wish I could erase from my life. I'm sure anybody who has ever had dealings with him thinks the same way. Ugggg why is he still on my mind. After what he did to me I should even give him the satisfaction of a second thought.

The things are I wasn't thinking about him. I wasn't until two days ago when the Dean the my other plague shows up and delivers the oh so wonderful news. Not only am I reminded of everything that both guys have done to me but now I have to have a very awkward conversation with a pretty girl who doesn't even know my real name.

See normally I wouldn't be so angry. I know what happens when you have unprotected sex and I know risks when you have sex with multiply partners. I know this and I can accept responsibility and own up to it, but not this time.

Why not this time? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I spent almost the entire day at a free clinic to find out I tested negative for everything. Negative can you believe it. I am disease free. Do you know what that means? It means Dean got gonorrhea from someone else. Probably that guy I saw him with when I first got home. Can you believe him? I should kick his ass. I should kick his ass for making me think Nick gave it to me in the first place.

I swear to god in heaven, Dean better not come anywhere near me anytime soon. If he does there is no telling what I might do. Oh I could just kill him. I hate him. I fucking hate him. I hate everything about him. I hate his stupid face, I hate his voice. Just knowing I am in the same town as him is just making my blood boil.

I won't leave town though. I know no matter how far I go I will hate him there too. Plus I can't leave yet. Balthazar is in London until the end of August. We agreed to share an apartment somewhere near Central park. We have already signed the lease we just move in until Sept 1st.

It sucks I am leaving Cornell but I can never go back to that place. I always wanted to go there, but once I got there it wasn't what I expected. I now realize I only wanted to go because my mother went there. I only wanted to go because she always wished she graduated from there. She never came out and said it but I can tell she always wished she finished college. I guess that's why I wanted to go. I wanted to do it for her. It was never what I really wanted.

I always knew what I wanted and for a moment in time there I thought I was going to get it. I thought I was going to be with Dean. College is college it didn't matter where I went just as long as he was there with me. I guess we can't all have what we want right.

"Hey Cassie" Oh no I can't deal with him right now.

"Hello Gabriel" I say as I look up at him from the couch. He really looks like crap. Good, serves him right after the shit he pulled.

"How's it going?" he says as he from inside of the door way.

"Things are the same." I say as I watch him nervously start to pace around the living room.

"She's not here." I say once I realize he was checking for signs of Jo. Maybe he remembers what he did. Or maybe Dean told him. Either way I don't care. I am pretty pissed at him too and my current mood doesn't really help.

"Did she leave me?" He asks a little sad. Let me find out he still cares. Well I know he still does. I don't think he would have such an outburst if he didn't.

"Not yet." I say as I feel disgusted talking to him. I never thought I would actually feel this way about him. I have been feeling like this for a while. I did try work my way though it but I just can't now.

"Where is she?" He asks concerned.

"Don't know." That's a lie I know where she is. She's has been staying at Meg's house. She left yesterday. She said she needed time to be alone and she knows that if she stays at her parents then she won't have any peace. Jo pretty much just needs a break. I don't think she will be home anytime soon.

"I really messed up. Didn't I?" He asks as he rounds the couch to look at me.

"Yes you did." I wish he stop talking to me. I think I am about two seconds away from leaving this house. Why should I stay here? I can afford to stay in a hotel. I just didn't want to spend any unnecessary funds. I have been secretly withdrawing money and putting it in an account that can't be touch. It's a just in case my grandparents turn out to be a little homophobic.

Ha, I started doing that when I thought Dean and I was going to be couple. Maybe I can stop now. I don't see myself picking anybody over inheritance anymore. No he was the only one.

"Are you mad at me?" he asks breaking my train of thought to remind just how disgusted I am with him.

I don't bother to say anything. I just calmly stand up to look in the face. Once we have establish eye contact for a few seconds I draw back my right hand and hit him square in his jaw. I hit him pretty hard too.

Upon contact he falls back into a chair holding his face.

"Okay maybe I deserve that." He says hold his face. I say nothing I just hit him again and again. After a couple of hits he starts to fight me back. He doesn't bother to hit me he just lifts he body to kind of rush me. He wraps his arms around my torso to slam me on the floor. I stunned for a minutes but him landing his left fist into my face brings me back. As he throws his punches I start to throw mine. Next thing I know we are rolling around on the floor wrestling.

"Damn it Cassie stop." Gabriel says he as he suddenly jumps off of me. I say nothing as I breath in and out. I can hear nothing but my heart pumping. I look at him and I see red. I'll be damn if I stop.

"Never" I say as I charge at him again. I slam him into the wall before I connect more punches to his body. Gabriel may not want to fight but he is fighting me back. With every blow I land he lands one on me. Damn my father for teaching all of us how to fight.

Finally after a few more minutes I guess my brother has had enough. His finally blow landed on me so hard I feel back and landed on the floor. I actually hit my head on the on floor. I tried to get up but I forget how quick he is. Within seconds he is standing over me with his foot on my now torn shirt.

"Castiel Lamar Novak, what the hell is wrong with you?" Please ignore my middle name. Nobody knows it besides my family oh and the woman who my mother lost a bet too, but that's another story.

"Well Gabriel Dequan Novak its simple really you're a fucking bastard." I spit at him.

"Correction I am handsome bastard whose face you just tried to mangle." Fucking Gabriel, I hate him at times. I especially hate when he talks like that.

"Get your fucking foot off of me."

"Sure but only if you promise not to try and kill me this time." He says looking directly in my face with that stupid grin of his. What is wrong with him? Can he just be angry? Can he just be like the rest of us.

"The thought never crossed my mind until now." I say as he keeps his foot in place. Normally I would be able to fling it off but he is really putting pressure on it.

"See now that's why I won't remove it just yet. First you have to tell me why you acting like this. " he demands in such a loving and concerned older brother voice.

"OH now you care. Fuck you Gabriel. You have never cared. You never fucking cared about in the past. Why the fuck should you start now?"

"You think I don't care about you?" He says taking his foot off my chest. "Cassie why would you think that?" He says sitting down next to me.

"I know you don't." I say as I sit up to catch my breath. He looks hurt. Good, I am so sick of his can do attitude.

"That's not true. I have always worried no correction I still worry about you."

'Shut up." I say as I get up to leave.

"Castiel I swear if you try to leave this house I will body slam you and keep my foot on your neck until you pass out."

"You think you can get me down again. Talk about dreaming." I say as I turn to look at him. Wow I got him good. His eye looks bad. I can see the beginning of a pretty bad bruise form around his left eyes. I hate to look in the mirror I think my lips might be bleeding.

"Hey I can go all night. Remember there is nobody here to stop us." He says folding his arms.

"I'm okay with that." I say as I get in his face to let him know I am not scared of him.

"I don't want to fight you Cassie." He says after a few minutes.

"Right you just want to get drunk and accuse me of trying to steal your girlfriend."

"Seriously, you attack me because of something I said when I was drunk."

"Mom, always said a drunk man tells no lies."

"And apparently neither does a man who has been hit in the head." He says looking at me with venom in his eyes. "She's my girlfriend Cas. She's with me. You can't have her. I won't let you."

"You can't be this much of an idiot." Does he really think this has to do with Jo? This has nothing to do with her. I think him accusing me was breaking point.

"You would love that wouldn't you?"

"What?"

"I saw you two together on the couch watching the little mermaid. You think I can't see you have some kind of feelings for her."

"Oh you are an idiot." I say as I rub my head.

"Fuck you. All you can is I'm an idiot because you know I'm right. You want her now."

"Gabriel I don't want her." Wow the thought is funny no it's damn right hilarious. Don't get me wrong if I met her in a different setting then yeah I'd hit that maybe even be in a relationship with her but that is the case her.

"Stop lying to me. Just admit. Why else would you react like this." he says motion his arms around the now destroyed living room. Man I'm glad Jo isn't here. She'd kill both of us for this.

"I react like this because you have been a crappy brother." I yell in his face. I caught him off guard with that. For the first time in a long time my bother no longer has that stupid smirk on his. His whole face turns to distraught with wide eyes.

"Cassie I…. I don't think….. You …. You really feel like I have been a crappy brother." He says hurt. Normally I would care about hurting his feeling but I don't care right now. I care about nobody but my feelings right now.

"Yes" I say as I move away from him. I am starting to get angry again and I need to create a distance between us. Fighting isn't the answer.

"How?" he asks in a low hurt voice as I move to the couch. I think about I am going to say to him as he makes his back to chair he was first sitting in. "Cassie please answer me. What have I done to you?" he ask nervous.

"You have never been loyal to me." I say as I run my hands though my hair.

"That's a lie. I have been nothing but loyal to you." He says a little defensive and scrared.

"Except when it comes to Dean."

"What?" he says letting me know I struck a nerve.

"You heard me."

"I don't understand." He says trying to fake innocent.

"YES YOU DO. DON'T EVEN SIT UP THERE AND LIE TO ME. YOU HAVE NEVER BEeN COMPLETELY ON MY SIDE MY ENTIRE RELATIOSNHIP TO DEAN. HE HAS DONE NOTHING BUT HURT ME AND YOU JUST DIDN'T CARE, BUT I IGNORED. I FIGURED YOU WERE TRYOING TO JUST NOT GET IN THE MIDDLE BUT YOU GOT IN THE MIDDLE DIDN'T YOU. DON'T TRY AND LIE AND SAY YOU DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU GOT IN MIDDLE LAST YEAR."

Gabriel says nothing as he sits there trying to keep his composure. I can see he is searching his mind for a carful answer.

"I knew it. I knew you were somehow involved in our break up last year.

"You think I had something to do with it."

"No I know. You knew Dean was going to break up with me before me. That's how I got to go to Cornell. You knew the whole time and you never said a word to me. I am your own brother and yet you decide to stay loyal to him instead of warning me."

"That's not what happen."

"Then what happen then, because I searched and searched my mind for answers and the only things that stick out to me is what he told me at prom and you magically getting me into Cornell. You sent the paper off saying I would be attending he told you he was going to end things\\. That's what happen isn't it."

"No that is not what happen. Dean broke up with you on his own accord. I sent the papers off yes but only because I suspected he would dump you." Oh he is mad now.

"If you suspected the why wouldn't you say anything."

"Would you have listen." He asks throwing me though a loop. That is a very good question. Would I? I was so happy back then and I thought nothing could break us apart. Gabriel still would have said something either way. It's just the way he is. Which means if he knew something he would have told me. He has never been one to shut up and keep quiet. There is still something I don't know.

"No" I answer as reflex back on all my troubles and the fact that my gut still tells

"Right, and listen I have always had your back. It's true I have had Dean's back too but I can stop." He says as he moves to sit next to me.

"What do you mean stop?" I ask as I realize I have been blaming Gabriel for all my problems.

"If you want me to choose you I will. I will end my friendship with Dean. He will just be my estranged girlfriend cousin if you want." He says as he places his arm around me.

"You really do that." I ask feeling much better about my brother. I am starting to realize that I miss him. I have been walking around for a year blaming him for my heart ache, pain and nightmares.

"Please." I say as a little bit of relief washes over me.

"God you sound like a chick." He says giving me a playful push. I can't help but laugh as I finally start to process my emotions having to do with Dean and Nick. I am not ready to forgive them yet but I think I can learn to accept everything in time.

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**I know what you're thinking? Who the hell is nick and what did he do to poor Cassie.**

**other than that I hope you enjoyed.**

**What did you think about Gabriel?**

**What about Castiel starting a fight with him?**

**Did you ever feel like Gabriel wasn't loyal to his brother.**

**Should Jo Leave Gabriel? **


	20. Chapter 20 Jo

**Hey guys. Hope all is well. I just wanted to say thank you or the reviews. I love you guys so much. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

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**Chapter 20 Jo**

"Cheers" I cry before me and Meg slam our shot glasses together before we down two shots of Jameson's each.

"Slow down girl. I do gotta work tomorrow"

I have to laugh. Meg has to work tomorrow. I use to be able to say that but now I can't. Yup I Joanna Beth is now unemployed and I have been unemployed for three whole days. It's also been three days since I have talk to or seen my beloved boyfriend. I say boyfriend with sarcasm because I don't if he is. I'm still his girlfriend but I don't know if he is my boyfriend.

HE sure does call like one. No correct he calls like a crazy ex-boyfriend. I haven't had any peace for the last two days. He won't stop calling or texting me. No wonder him and Dean are best buddies. Not only are they two idiots but they are two idiots who don't know how to act when they in love. Yup Gabriel is an stupid, I love him and he is too stupid to realize that. Of course he has an idea about how much I love him after I leave him. I didn't exactly leave him. I don't know what I did.

All I know is we got into an argument he said some hurtful things to me and I packed bag and went to Megs house. I went to Meg's house in and lost it. For like a day I cried. I don't know why but soon as I hit her couch everything inside of me just released. Even though I let everything out I don't know why I am upset. I mean there are a number of reasons but I can't pick one.

You know I am tired of thinking about Gabriel. I love him with everything inside of me and I am so upset with him but I don't want to think about him. So I am just going to drink until I don't want to remember him. Fuck him and his issues. I have dealt with his bull shit for months I just need a night off. I am nineteen years old I just need to have fun. I need to just be girl in college. So cheers to my girls night out with Meg. She is my best female friend.

"Hello Jo." The fuck?

"Cassie!" I say as I fling my body from the bar stool and onto him. "I missed you." I say as I hang my arms around his neck.

"You just saw me yesterday." He says as he keeps his arms around my waist.

"I know silly but I still missed you. It's not the same as you being down the hall from me."

"I know" he says with a smile. He doesn't smile mush but when he does wow. It must be afamily trait because Gabriel has such an infectious smile. When either one of them smile you can't help but light up like a Christmas tree.

"Yeah but it's not the same." I say as I move back to look him in the eyes

"You said that already." He says as with a little chuckle.

"So" I say as I grab a my beer to take a swing. "What are you doing here?"

"Meg called me." He says as he looks around the shady bar we happen to be in.

"You called him." I say looking to my left where she was sitting.

"I did. I figured you didn't want to drink alone."

"Noooo, Don't tell me your leaving" I know I'm whining but so what. I deserve to let loose and not care.

"Sorry but yes. I have to work tomorrow, but being the great friend that I am I called for backup."

"You suck." I say as I watch her give Cas a lingering touch. She thinks she has everyone fooled but I know she has feelings for him. She really cares about him and I know it hurts her that she can't be with him. How could Meg not feel like that? He is amazing person. If it wasn't for Dean they would probably be together. I know it. I can feel it deep down, but I won't bring it up.

"I thought you called me to take her home." Of course he would think that. Meg has been telling me to slow down all night, but why? I never get drunk but tonight I am doing whatever and that includes drinking. How could I not? With the way this bartender makes drinks you can't do anything but get fucked up with her. I just wish I remember her name. What is it? IS it Kelly, Kelsey, Katy. No, that's not her name. Oh wait I got it.

"Khali, give my friend here three shots of yore red death!" If Cas thinks he is just here to take me home ten he has another thing coming. I am not leaving this bar until I am cut off. Bull shit of he thinks I am ending the night at ten eleven. If Meg didn't want me drinking then she shouldn't have bought me to this bar. No she shouldn't. Khali doesn't card. I think that's because she is the same age as us. I think she goes to school with me. She might but I never asked her.

"Oh no Jo. I'm not in the drinking mood tonight." Cas says ever so polite. It would be cute if I didn't know him/

"SHhhhhh" I say placing my fingers on his lips. "It's okay Cassie. I know you need a drink. I won't judge you."

"How much have you had to drink." He says as he shots one last look to Meg before she skips out the door. I can't help but feel like they are babysitting me rather than be my friend.

"Don't worry about that. All you need to know is you have some catching up to do." I say this as Khali place my drink order in front of us.

"For me" he says looking at the red liquid in front of us.

"Yes, you are going to sit here and knock these back and then we are going to laugh, cry and dance."

"I don't need to drink." He says as he takes a seat on the bar stool next to me.

"I don't need to drink either but tonight we are." I say as I take a swing of my beer."

"Maybe I should take you home." He wants to take me home but his hand is ghosting over the shots glasses. I'm about to easily break him I just need to keep it up and before I know it he will be drunk.

"Or maybe you should have a drink and let loose for one night."

"I drink all the time." Cas sounds almost offended. I almost care but I don't. He needs to unwind and I am going to make him.

"Not with me. We never drink together and tonight will be the night you drink with me." I say as I give him my saddest eyes.

" Fine" he says as he picks up a shot glass to throw it down his throat. It's about time. "Just remember I am not responsible for my actions at the end of the night.

"I'll help you get laid." I say as I watch him throw back another shot.

"Wow that kind of burns. What is in this?" he says eying the glass.

"You have to ask our bartender." I say before I take a swing of my bear.

"That sounds like too much work." He says as he drinks the final two shots.

"Fine have it your way." I say as I look at my beer bottle.

"So Joanna…." He must be drunk. He wouldn't in his right mind call me that. "Since we are getting drunk and I am starting to feel these drinks there is something I want to ask you about."

"Yeah and what is that." I ask giving him a grin so hard my face is starting to hurt.

Do you believe in fate?" Wow he just drops something heavy on right there. I know it might sound like a stupid question but it carries a lot of weight. Wow that question mke sme think about a lot. How do I answer that? OH I know.

"I think fate is a bunch of bull shit."

"Bullshit" he says after he thinks Khali for giving him another drink. I think its Jack Daniels

"You heard me. I think it's something people tell themselves to make them feel good about the decisions they have made."

I believe in fate. You think your reasoning is why I might believe in it."

"Why are you evening asking me?" As if I don't know.

"Well lately I been thinking about my life and what would it would be like if I never met Dean."

"So you wonder what life would be if you never fallen in love with Dean." Wow this is not the night I imagine. All I wanted to do is have some mindless fun. I don't want to think about this shit.

"Yes, sometime I wonder if my life would have been better if he wasn't in it."

"You know I'm not his biggest fan right now but if it wasn't for him you wouldn't be in my life." I say as I feel grateful that I have him in my life. It's true and I thank god every day for a person like him, I am so lucky to call him friend.

"That is true. If I never moved here I wouldn't have met him and I wouldn't know you and I have to say you are the only person in my life that I find pure." Is he drunk? I never heard him talk like this. Does he really think I'm pure? I like to think that I am a good person but I never thought of myself as pure.

"You think I'm pure." I say as Khali places two more beers and shots in front of us. I love her. I don't even have to tell her I need another drink. It's like she knows what you need before even telling her.

"Why wouldn't I?" He says as we both sit here and wonder how life would be different. It would be so much different. We both sit there drinking our drinks as we both pother what if? He doesn't say anything but I know we are thinking the same thing.

He sits and wonder as I sit and wonder what life would be like if they never mover to Lawrence. If Gabriel never moved here then I wouldn't have met him. It would be the four of us it would be the two of us right now. It probably would turn into the three of us once Sammy got older, but until then it would be me and Dean. We'd probably be closer and get along. If I never met Gabriel I would be searching for him. I would meet a bunch of assholes and still be single. I would be dreaming of meeting him but I wouldn't know who he was. I wonder if I would ever meet him. If I did meet him would he still be the same person and would I fall so in love with him.

Wow my life would be so much different if I never met my soul mate so early. I wonder if we didn't meet then would we ever meet. I don't think I would be so lucky in both life's. If I didn't meet him when I was a kid then I would have never meet him. My life would be what it is now. Hell if I never met him then my life wouldn't be the fuck of piece of shit it is now. I'd be single and I wouldn't be stressing. I wouldn't ….. you know what fuck this. I don't want to think about this now.

"Why are you even asking me about fate?" I say a little annoyed and I know he can tell.

"I don't know. I just sometimes wonder why Dean had to be the one I fall in love with. I've been thinking about the last five years and our break up and I sometimes question why I had to get stuck with him."

"Do you still love him?" It's the only thing I can say. I have no idea how to respond to his statement. Sometimes I wish Cas had better luck. He deserves better, Much better than my good for nothing cousin.

"I'm not sure" he says after a moment of thought. "Dean will always be my first love. I will never deny that but I just wonder if he was the only one."

"What do you mean?" Is it selfish that I am wondering about the same thing whenit come to my own love life.

"What I mean is I can't feel when he isn't around me."

"What do mean?' I say as we both accept another beer.

"When we broke up I went numb. I mean complete. I couldn't feel if I as hungry. I went almost a year feeling like that. Then I come home and after my experience in New York I wanted him back." Okay I knew all of this. I mean I knew he wanted Dean back but I never knew why, but I always suspected there was a reason. It's a reason more than he was just in love with him. Cas has been going thought something. I just wish I knew what ot was. I just want to help him. He isn't telling me something but I won't press it. He will tell me when he is ready. Sometimes you can't press people. You just have to wait for them to come to you. Wow I should have followed my won advice when it came to Gabriel. Maybe if I waited then things would be different.

"Do you only have feelings for Dean or do you just start to feel things whenever he is around." I wait for him to respond but he doesn't. He sits there cradling his beer as he looks around the bar. I know he is in deep thought but doesn't want to share it. That's okay with me. I don't really want to go deep in thought.

"I rather not discuss this right now. Aren't we supposed to be having fun. "he say as he stands up.

"Agreed." I say as I single the bartender for another round

"Here you go and this one is on me… I'm sorry but I overheard you talking and I want to pay for this round. I am so sorry if I offended you any way."

"It's all good" Cas says as he gets up. He said that so fast I didn't even have a chance to process my feelings. He moved so fast I was more concern on what he was doing.

I tried to ask him but he ignored me as he walked over to an employee standing next to the small stage.

Shit. I didn't realize it was sing a long night. Shit of course we ended up at the bar on Karaoke Tuesday. Shit, what is he doing?

"Okay" he says as he climbs his way on stage to gather everyone's attention. Shit, there is a a lot of people in here. Damn this bar for not having a strict id policy. Why did I have to decide to drink tonight? "This goes out to my beautiful lovely best fried Jo" I wonder if he thinks I'm beautiful when he is sober.

Everybody looks at me as I try to turn away feeling a bit embarrassed. What is he about to do? "This one is for you girl. You need to have a little fun and I have the perfect song to start our night off."

What is he thinking? I have no idea what he is about to do.

"_It feels like the perfect night to dress up like hipsters" _Oh my god he didn't. I know he didn't start singing my favorite Taylor Swift song right now.

"_It feels like the perfect night for breakfast at midnight." _ Oh my god I can't help but laugh and smile as stands up the singing and kind of dancing. See this is the night I wanted. I just wanted to have fun.

"_Tonight's the night we forget about the deadlines it's time." _You know what fuck it. I am going to let loose and have fun and if that means singing off key then so be it. I am going to have fun tonight.

I get up and go to the stage. Soon as I climb on top I take the mic out of his hand and sing the chorus. _" I don't know about you but I'm feeling twenty two."_

Yes I started singing and I didn't stop after that. We both sang, drink and danced the night way until the bar closed. Oh I can't remember the last time I had fun. I might have started the night drinking and my best girlfriend leaving me and I'll admit I was kind of mad at her but now I'm glad she did. Cas and I had the best time. IF I stayed with Meg and I wouldn't be leaving the bar at one forty am. I would have been home at least two hours ago.

"_Singing out hearts out standing on chairs. Standing on chairs. Spending our time like we are millionaires" _ We sing as in sync as we stumble out the bar_. _Tonight was a great night.

"Awl man. Can you believe we were kicked out." I say as we stumble down the street.

"I can. I don't know about you but I lost track of how may drinks we had."

"Yeah me two" I say as I try to find a comfortable way to walk in my heels. Yes I wore heel tonight, It felt like one of those nights,

"You okay there" he ask as I try to find my balance.

"I don't know. I don't think I can walk home" I say as start to feel light headed. Why did I drink so much.?

"Fine get on my back." He says as he looks me in the eye. I always feel so weird when he looks me in the eye. How did Dean deal with such an intense stare.

"Really" I say as I quickly climb out my heels. I didn't even think about it.

"You heard me." He says as he grabs my thin strapped pocketbook from me. "Climb on" he says as he throws it around his neck before he turns around for me to jump on.

"Okay" Shit he doesn't have to tell me twice. I jump on his back holding my shoes. I wrap my hands around his neck as I lock my legs around him. "I love you for this."

"I know" he says as he takes my shoes and place them in his packets. I don't know how they fit but somehow they did.

"I really could kiss you for this." I say before I kiss him on both sides of his cheeks.

How can a guy like him be single? How can Dean just reject him like this? He is fucking wonderful "Take me home Cassie"

"Alright, onto Meg's house"

"No" I declare.

"No" he asks confused. It's almost cute.

"You heard me. I want to go home. MY home. I want to go home to Gabriel." Why I don't know.

"Okay" he says as he starts to move.

Yes I want to go home to him even though I shouldn't. It might be the liquor talking but I miss him. I need to see his stupid face. I need to be next to him. Fuck I hate this. I hate loving him and can't standing to be around him at the same time.

"We're here" he says as we stand in front of the house. I say nothing as I climb off his back and take a look at the house I could spend the rest of my life.

I could spend the rest of my life here but he isn't making it easy. Instead of everything being great like I hope it has turned bad. He doesn't trust me and refuses to be the person I fell for. What happen to us? We use to be able to do nothing and I still would have the time of my life.

"You Okay?" Cas ask as my blood boil. I guess he realizes that I am not in the same great mood I was in earlier. "Jo, please answer me,"

I say nothing as I start to move. I quickly march into the house. Without a second thought I Storm up the stairs and into Castiel's room. I go straight to the trick at the foot of his bed and start to look for something.

"Oh course by now Gabriel has woken up and is in the room with me trying to talk to me. He is telling me sweet nothings as I search and find Castiel's baseball bat form high school. I say nothing because I can't even speak to him. There are no words I can say to him. I am pissed off and I'm on a mission.

"Why do you have my bat?" Cas asks as I make my way down the stairs. Of course Gabriel is following me begging me to talk to him. I have nothing to say to either of them as I go back outside.

I walk up to Gabriel's car and stare at it. As I stare at it I can't help but think of him and his stupid charm. Okay now I'm mad.

"FUCK YOU" I yell as I swing the bat into his head lights. "I FUCKINMG LOVE YOU AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS RESENT ME." Fuck him. He wants to not trust me and hide shit from me. No matter what we talk about things never get better.

"Cotton stop" Gabriel yells as he tried to stop me from slamming the bat into his wind shield

"Jo come on." Castiel says as I hit the hood of his BMW. I almost hit him but he mange to duck.

"FUCK YOU" I yell as I go crazy on his car. I hit everything I could reach. As I smash his every inch of his car they stop trying to stop me. After a while they leave me be and let my body go tired. "I fucking love you" I say as I drop the bat and start to cry. Gabriel immediately runs to me and wraps his arms around me.

"I love you." He says as I almost relax into him. Just him touching me I almost fall back into our endless cycle.

"Let me go!" I yell as I start to scream and punch him.

"Never" he says as he picks me up bridal style.

"Let me go" He never does. I yelled and scream such ugly things at him as he carries me into the house. I kicked my feet and swung my fist as he takes me to our bedroom. He throws me doesn on the bed.

"Fuck you." I say ever so calmly with tears in my eyes.

"You already said that." He says as he climbs on top on me.

"Get off of me." I say tryingto push him off but he won't let me.

"Never" he says as he presses his body into me.

"I don't care I want you to get off. Let me go." I say as I feel my body melt into him.

"I will never let you go. DO you hear me? I will never let you go."

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**Don't forget to review.**

**Let me know what you think. **

**spoilers brings Anna, Cas, and Dean all together. So review so you can see how that happens. **

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	21. Chapter 21 Castiel

**Hey guys happy weekend to ya.**

**Thank you Arkam for the review and thank to those you who take the time to my story.**

**This chap is short but I want to give you something since I will be working all weekend.**

**Hope you like. Don't forget to review. **

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**Chapter 21 Castiel **

" _Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock"_

Oh for the love that is all things heaven. Who in god's name is that? Why are they knock for my front door at. Wait what times is it? OH shit it'd 10:30 in the morning. Fuck it, it still too early. I just can't today, not after last night. OH good everything hurts. I think I taste those Red Deaths in my throat and it is not pleasant. I think it might come up it any time.

"_Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock." _

Maybe if I ignore it then they will go away. Who would knock on the door anyway. I thought everybody had keys. Yeah they do. Everybody has a key I think Balthazar is the only one who doesn't have a key to this house. Oh I am definitely not getting off this couch. I think it would hurt to move my head anyway. I swear I am never drinking a mix drink ever again. Only beer and straight liquor from now on.

"_Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong"_

Oh for the love of god. This better be an emergency.

"Hold on!" I shot as I pull myself of the couch. I have to be careful. My head spun around once I stood up straight. Why is the sun so bright.

"Yes" I say as I answer the door.

"Your home" Oh shit it's Anna. Why does she know where I live?

"I am and I was sleeping." I say as I go through my memory trying to recall Jo or Gabriel saying she has been here.

"I'm sorry. I know this must seem strange with me showing up here." She seems nervous. She is just standing there trying to avoid eye contact.

"Very" I say as I motion for her to come in. Normally I try to get rid of her but my body hurts and I just want to sit down.

"Are you okay?"

"I am not having a very good morning." I say as I lay across the couch. She doesn't need to sit next to me. She sit on one of the two chairs on both sides of the couch.

"Were you in a car accident." She ask concern while she stands over me. I might have my eyes closed but I can feel her eyes scanning my body.

"No, why do you ask." I say as I open my eyes to find her breast standing right in front of me. They are some nice tits. I wouldn't mind sucking on them again.

"Because when I got here I saw that green car in your driveway. I realize I never knew what kind of car you drive."

"That's not my car. That is my brother's car. My car is parked behind that one. IT's black." I say as I start to figure out if I can bang her right here on the couch. I normally like doing all the work but I'm not in the mood today. I wonder if she wouldn't mind doing all the work.

"The green one is the only one out there." Son of a bitch. Gabriel or Jo took my car. Those motherfuckers took my damn car. I know they are together. I swore I heard giggling this morning before the sound of the door closing.

Oh I just love how Jo decided she wanted to take her frustration out on Gabriel's car. Yeah that right there was real fun, especially the part where somebody called the cops and I spent an hour convincing the cops to let Jo go. Yeah not a fun thing to do sober.

Something else that isn't fun, not getting laid. Because my dearest friend wanted to just a fun night out I didn't get a chance to pick up that bartender. Damn I wanted her but it's cool though because Gabriel and JO had crazy drunken monkey sex last night. Yeah that's how I ended up on the couch. I couldn't find my ear plugs and I still wasn't drunk enough to just pass out. I really hate them right now.

"Well I guess my brother stole my car."

"So this right here you looking like you're in a lot of pain."

"Is just the consequences of mixing different types of alcohol." Why is she here. Under normal conditions I welcome her visit but today I just want quiet.

"I'm glad…So you want to explain to me where the hell you been?" Oh great here we go. Every once in a while there is a clingy one.

"Where I been?" I ask while faking confusion.

"Yeah remember you showed up to my house, you convinced me you were into me and we had an amazing night I fall asleep next to you but when I wake you are nowhere to be found. Then you don't call or text me."

"I'm sorry, something happen that night and I have been really busy since then, but I promise I was going to call you today." Is she buying this? Did I not leave a note? I can't remember. Shit, I really hate Jo right now.

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I should have known once I saw the car. Your brother was in a accident and you have been busy with him."

"Yes" I know it might be wrong to lie but I doubt she wants to hear the truth anyways. If I told her the truth she might think I was lying.

"He wasn't hurt too bad was he." She ask as she finally sits down next to me on the couch.

"I think his pain is more mental than anything. I just had to work something's out with him. I'm sorry I didn't call but I'll tell you this. You were always on my mind." What am I doing? I never lie to partners. I am always honest with them and try to give them as much respect that they command. I just don't feel like it today. I'm horny and hung over.

"Really" she says giving me a smile telling me I got her hooked. I just hope she's not crazy.

"Yeah" I says as I hold my hand up to her chin. I can't wait to kiss you again.

"Well why wait." She says as she leans down to kiss me.

And we have lift off. This was easier than I thought. Maybe I should lie more ofte. Certainly might save me some money.

"I missed you." I say once the kiss was broken.

"You did."

"Very much, I keep thinking about that night we had together. It was great and I know we won't have much time together but I would to spend as much as possible with you." That way I can avoid Dean. If I am always with her there be less of a chance of us running into each other.

"Well let's not waste any time then." She says as she climbs on top of me." God bless the person who invited sun dresses.

Anna says nothing else as she leans in to kiss me. I wrap my hands around her waist as I sit up to hold her tight. I slowly start to traces lips over her jaw and follow that line to her ear. I make quick work as I start to attack her neck. I want to see if I can remember all her spots.

"You are so fucking sexy." I say in a low grunt as I run my hands though her hair.

"Right back at you." She says as she attacks my mouth. OH this is going to be great.

"HEY Gabriel," Oh you have got to be kidding me.

"OH MY God Dean." Anna Yells as she jumps off of me.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" I say trying to mask my frustration. Oh come on I don't have time for this today.

"What am I doing here? what the hell is she doing here?" he says as he takes a look at a very embarrassed Anan.

"I came here to see him." She says very confident. Good for her because her eyes tells me she's nervous. I wonder if she still has feelings for him.

"Seriously" Oh he looks pissed.

"Yeah problem with that."

"Look can we not do this right now. Dean Gabriel isn't here. I will tell him you stopped by." Right after I punch him in the face. I thought he was ending his friendship with him.

"The hell with that. I want to know why this bitch right here is screwing my boyfriend."  
Oh shit I'm screwed.

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**WHat do you think will happen next.**

**Next chapter will be from Dean's pov. I promise. It's time for him to chime in. Plus who else is wondering what is going on in his mind. **


	22. Chapter 22 Dean

**Hey guys thank you for the reviews. I love you guys so much. I hope you like this chapter. **

**Two thing first I will be busy for the next week so I won't update for another week. **

**Second guess who's back. Yup that's right it's Dean. Dean is back and letting you know how he feels.**

**don't forget to review. **

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**Chapter 22 Dean **

OH shit did I just say that out loud. Oh fuck me what the hell I do that for. Fuck, I know Cas isn't my boyfriend. I know that all too well, hell I'm the reason we aren't together but I just still feel connected to him. I don't think that makes sense. Look all I know is I love him and I want him back. I am tired of doing things on his time. It's time we do things on my time.

I just wish I didn't walk in on him with my ex-girlfriend. Can you believe it. He is actually about to have sex with my ex. I need to know how this shit happen. Gabriel has a lot of explaining to do. I know he knew about this. If he thinks I will let this go then he must be paying full price for me to fix his car. I know him and Cas have their secrets but he could have told me this. He could have found away.

Then again this is what he wanted to talk about. He sent me a text telling me we needed to talk. I just assumed it was nothing because usually he wants to talk about nothing, He just says that shit when he wants to hang out and get away from Jo. I'm not even going to comment on how much time he wants to get away from Jo. No I am going to save that for when he plays dumb about Jo.

I already know how it's going to go. I'll ask he'll say he doesn't know and I'll bring her up and he will change the subject. Yup it's just a sure fire way. I just need to get through this and then I will dig into his ass for details. Oh shit she did just say something. What did she just say? Wait she's about to say again. She is my ex after all. I guess she knows when I am not listening. Okay listening ears on.

"I'm sorry what? Your boyfriend? "

Oh this bitch. She want to act dumb. She wants to act like he doesn't know who he is. Pishhh she just a hating ass bitch. She got some fucking nerve. She lucky she is a girl, if she wasn't I would have beat her ass.

"You heard me you petty bitch."

"Excuse me" Anna says offended .Oh she got some nerve. She got some nerve to be standing there like I offended her Bitch please she offended herself. Oh shit I gotta watch it, I sound like some crazy chick. See this the shit I hate. When it comes to Cas I turn into some crazy chick.

"You heard me." I say as I move in on her. "You couldn't accept the fact that I was gay. Oh no you had to prove it for yourself."

"Dean I'm not sure…"

"Oh save it ,you knew I choose banging him over you so you had to go out and seduce him."

"Seduce him?"

"Oh you are good?" I say wiggling my finger . She is actually standing there with a convincing look on her face.

"Get over yourself." She says rolling her eyes.

"Oh please get over yourself. Do you actually think I want you?" Okay I need to get a hold of myself. I am starting to sound like a chick.

"I think you have a limp penis and instead of owning up to it you blame women and make them feel insecure about themselves."

"Wow you are really out there aren't you." I say as I field my arms and chuckle to myself. I told this bitch I like guys and she somehow manages to switch it into something unbelievable.

"Oh yeah I forgot you're a fag?"

"That's offensive" I scream at her as I remind myself she is a girl.

"Your offensive. Do you know the shit gays go through? If you actually think about it for a second you'll see of offensive you sound."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what is going to happen to you if you stick to the charade that you are some kind of submissive bottom boy."

"I am who I am I accept that. I like guys and I love that guy playing dead on the couch." I know Cas should be the one over here explaining shit to us but this bitch pissed me off. He can wait a second.

"You wanna stick to that. Really You so sure you'll feel the same one once I tell people you are a cock sucking homo."

"OWWWWWWWW YOU ARE SO LUCKY YOU WERE BORN WITH DIFFERENT BODY PARTS." I say as I get in her face. I give her an intimidating look but she doesn't seem faze by it.

"You don't scare me. I mean I use to think you were strong but since you clam you like being some guys dirty little bitch." She says as she stares me point blank in the eye.

"Well guess what princess me and you both fucked the same guy and you know what it doesn't have the same ring as when he says it. I say with the straightest face I can manage. I might look clam on the outside but on the inside I am freaking out. I can't believe I am saying this. I would never admit this. I don't know why I am saying this. Wow I can't believe it. I don't even talk about this with Gabriel. He only knows from what he overheard, but even then I tried to be quiet when he was there.

"Owwww you are unbelievable" she says as she pulls away from my face. "Why can't you admit that you weren't attracted to me because you were still in love with your ex who happens to be a girl. " Wait was she trying to freak me out. Was she just testing me by saying that shit?

"I swear you are crazy. I basically told you that expect that Cassie was really a guy."

"Right I'm supposed to believe that Mr. Macho is love with a guy who is okay being called Cassie."

"That fuck. Cas can you please tell her."

"See this is how I know you are lying. He's name isn't Cas, it's Clarence."

Who the fuck is Clarence? Where did she get this shit from? Okay I think it's time to get Cas involved.

"My name is Castiel not Clarence Okay I get it ask and you shall receive. Yeah I believe it now. Not only have I received but I received a very pissed of Cas and for once I'm not the one he is pissed at.  
"Where did you come from?" She ask taken back. "Wait what did you say your name was?" Oh now she wants to act innocent. She really must be crazy to think that baby voice of hers is going to work on him. Maybe if this was a year ago but he has changed

"I came from a beautiful woman who in her short time told me is okay to be who you are because God loves everybody. She made it okay for me who I am?" he says giving her a scary death stare.

"And who are you?" she asks carefully.

Cas just takes a moment to stares her down. He does it just enough to make her feel uneasy. HE then puts on this adorable little grin and says "My name is Castiel and I am the guy who had intercourse with both of you."

That shut that annoying bitch up. Good I'm glad. She is just standing there looking at him in disbelief as she opens and closes her mouth.

"You…You were in a relationship with him." She asks dryly. If I was in a nicer mood I might get her some water.

"He's my first love." Okay now I'm happy. He actually acknowledged me in some kind of way. OH my god yes. I hate it took someone saying some hateful shit but hey I'll take what I can get.

"Seriously, ha so much for you two not being friends." She says with a chuckle. Okay all I want to know is why this bitch is chuckling. "You two are really friends now." She says moving her hand between us.

"We aren't friends. He's just my ex." Ouch. That strung a little a bit.

"Wow you two are really going to stick to this charade."

"I assure your small mind that it is not a charade." Oh she done gone and mad him mad now. Yes I love it. Maybe this situation right here can help him understand my fears.

"Please this was some plot to dump me after you got what you wanted."

"Anna I have to say you disappoint. I always assumed you were a smart girl but I see that I am sadly mistaken. I want you to actually think about what you just said."

"I know what I said." She says folding her arms keeping her stance.

"Okay" he says with a small smile. " I admit I only wanted to get to know you because you were dating Dean. For some reason I was obsessed with wanting to know you, but it was because I had romantic feelings for. However I did start to like you a little bit. I started to become fond of you but today you have sadly proven once again I have horrible taste when it comes to dating.

"Hey" I yell offended. I don't know why I am offended I did kind drag Cas though the mud only to build him back up and destroy him. Fuck I am a horrible person for that. No I'm not I want his dreams to come true and Cornell is his dream. I want to be with him but not if that means he has to give up what he always wanted. I will never let that happen.

"Shut up" he commands. Is it wrong I am getting a little turned on right now. Between him telling me to shut up and that devious look he has on his face is just doing things to me. Okay I need to check myself. I need to get a grip. "Now Anna, I have no idea why Dean is here, but I imagine it has something to do with Gabriel's car and I would like to remind you I did not invite you over here. You just showed up here. I actually had no plans to call you today."

Well damn, let me find out Cas can be a jerk. Is it wrong I find it hot. God I never wanted him so much. Shut up Dean, get a hold.

"I don't believe you." Oh god we are both shocked and amazed at this girls reasoning. You can tell by the way we both sighed and rolled our eyes. I don't know why we are trying to convince this girl. Who cares, does he care. Did he actually like her?

"Okay do you believe this?" He says before he turns and kisses me. He grabs my shirt in both of his fist as he crashed his mouth in mine. It took all of zero seconds before I was welcoming his strong dominant tongue. I sucked on his tongue as I wrapped my arms around his neck securing him cools to my body. All my impulses have increased I quickly show him how I feel as I thrust into him causing him to look for a surface for us to crash land on.

"OKAY I GET IT! CASSIE WAS REALLY A DUDE!" Was the last thing heard before the door slammed shut telling us we were alone? I quickly celebrate by try to get his shirt off so I can lick his chest.

"Wait?" He says breaking the kiss damn it. I forgot he thinks I have Gonorrhea Of course I would do something so stupid. "What did she mean Cassie's really a dude?" Shit, of course it's always something coming up. If it's not this then it's that.

"Cas forget it, can't you see that girl is bat shit." I say easing my hand sup his side. But he isn't buying it.

"Dean what did she mean." Oh shit he knows. Wait maybe he is trying to psych me into it.

"I don't know." I say playing dumb. Maybe he'll just pass it off as her being in denial about me.

" Dean. Did you tell her I was female?"

"No" Damn I said that a little too quick.

"Dean I will only ask you one more time. Did at any point you gave her the impression that I was a female?" Oh no he's giving me that look. You know the one where he look past you and you feel stripped down naked and he is looking past your physical body and he is actually starring at your soul. It's like he knows I'm lying.

Shit what do I do? He is letting up. He is still standing above me just looking at me. I hate it when he holds his gaze for too long. What should I do? I want to just blurt every truth I know to him. I want to tell him everything, hoping he will just fall into my arms and never leave. God I just want next to me. I am such a moron. I had him by my side for so long and he would have never left if I didn't push him out. Why did I do that? I know I want him to be happy but damn it why did I have pay the price with misery?

"Dean I would like it if you answer my question?" Damn guess I been quiet for too long.

"Cas, can we please just drop it. There are a million things we can talk about."

"I know that Dean but I would like to talk about this." OH fuck now he is giving me the death stare. I remember when he use to look at me with nothing but love. Man, I miss those days.

"I don't see what us talking about that crazy homophobic bitch will do?"

"Well would you like to talk about?" Was that a trick question? IS he serious because if so I have like ten things I want to start with.

"Seriously" I have to ask.

"Yes Dean, I would like to know." Okay I'm not sure. He took too long to answer. I think I counted to forty in my head. It's like he had to really think about it. Then again if he had to think about then maybe he really wants to know.

"Okay" I say as I stand to look him in the eye. I have to gather my thoughts and my nerve while I hold his hands in mind. "I love you."

Shit, why did I lead with that? I shouldn't have told him that. I been telling him I loved him every chance I get and he always pretended he was asleep.

"Thank you" HE says like he unsure what to say and I have to say that pisses me off.

"Thank you….. Really Cas that's all you have to say to me. Thank you. You have nothing else to say to me." I say as I drop his hands.

"What would you like me to say?" Oh he wants to play dumb. I see the game he wants to play but I'm not playing it. I don't have time for this shit. Summer is almost over and I still haven't fixed things with him.

"OH I don't know. I love you too." I am furious right now. Yeah I know I fucked up but he can still give me an answer either way.

"Dean, calm down."

"Sure soon as you finally tell me if you still love me." I say as I stand my ground. Think I wouldn't. Please you have me sadly mistaken.

"Dean, this sudden I don't know how to act."

"Bull shit Cas. I have been telling you how I feel for weeks. I have called you and left messages about how I miss you. I sent you text letting you know I was thinking about you. To add the icing to the cake I told you I loved you every night. Every night you spent with me I told you how I feel."

"I'm sorry I didn't know."

"Fuck outta here Cas. You heard me every time."

"Dean I didn't. I must have been asleep." Okay now I feel like I want to cry, yell and punch someone all at the same time.

"Yes you did." Okay now I have to move away from him. I now see he is the one I want to hit. How can he lie to my face like this?

"You heard me Cas. I know you did and before you try to say you didn't I know you did."

"I'm not sure what you mean." Fuck him. He still wants to play dumb. Oh, he just wants to stand there looking me acting like he didn't hear me.

"Explain your heart beat then."

"I don't understand." I guess I have to break it down for him.

"Okay fine, I was in a relationship with you all though high school I spent countless nights with you. I feel asleep on your chest faster than I have on any pillow. The sound of your heart beat use to put me asleep. When you fall asleep the sound always changed. You think I ever forgot what you heart beat sounds like. I would tell you I love you and you would pretend you were sleep. Yeah I let you pretend you were sleep but I'm done with that."

"You know my heart beats" He seems shocked and amazed. I think I am a little offended. I know I acted like an asshole from time to time but does he really think I don't know him. Does he really think I don't love him.

"I do Cas. I know so many things about you. So many things that make me still love you."

"You still love me?" I think I am starting to make a break though. The shade of blue on his eyes got a little bit softer. They are no longer dark blue. His eyes are still dark but they got at least a shade lighter.

"I do" I say as I step back into him.

"If you love me Dean then you will answer me this one question honestly." He says staring into my eyes.

"Ask me anything?" Just don't ask me anything about Cornell or anything to do with this subject.

"Did you tell Anna I was a girl?" I should have seen that coming. Damn it. What do I say Do I tell him the truth when I can feel it in my bones that he is starting to come around? Or do I lie and hope that this can be the one thing we never talk about again. If I tell him I risk the chance of him getting mad and it pulling us further apart. If I don't then he might think I'm lying and it might put shit into our mix. What should I do? …..Oh fuck it.

"Yes" I'm telling the truth on this one. We don't need no more lies between us.

"Okay." He says before he moves from my gaze.

"Wait okay, what does that mean?" I say as I notice he starts to head for the stairs.

"It means what it means. I accept your answer." He says as he stands at the foot of the stairs.

"Cas, baby you have to give me a little more." I say looking at him from behind the couch.

"I will Dean, but after I sleep this nasty hangover off and I have had time to think."

What the hell does that mean? Is that a good or bad thing. I don't know anymore. I can't read his mind anymore. What does he mean?

"Cas" I call after him as he starts to climb the stares.

"I'll be in touch Dean." IS the last thing he says to me before he disappear up the stares leaving me here to curse myself.

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	23. Chapter 23 Jo

**Hello all sorry i took so long to update. A lot has been going on in my family and it's still going on. **

**I want to thank you for the reviews i love you all.**

**I want to warn you that i wrote this with out Microsoft and a little drunk so i hope you like.**

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**Chapter 23 Jo **

"Hello Jo"

"Cassie!" I know I'm a little loud but I don't care. You can judge me if you want but I don't care. Yes I have smoked some weed and had a little bit to drink but who gives a fuck. I'm young and carefree. Lord knows I need to be carefree.

"You know I don't like it when you call me that." Castiel says as he stands in my door way. I look at him as I sit against the head board of my bed with my laptop on my lap. I sit on my bed looking him over before I speak.

"Oh so only your band brothers can call you that and can't." I say as I watch him think about it.

"My mother use to call me that. That's why they call me that's why thy call me that."

"I know the story and I also know you talk to me more than you talk to your own brothers" I'm pushing it I know. No matter how close i might be with someone i would still be pissed if they called me Joanna. Hell even Gabriel isn't allowed to call me that, but we aren't talking about him now.

"They call me that against my will while disrespect my wishes. As my friend and in law you have to respect that."

"Well damn." I say as he sets me straight.

"damn straight" he says with that wicked grin of his. Maybe it's the weed talking or buzz or maybe a little bit of both but i swear his eyes are sparkling.

"SO you are just going to stand in my door way or are you going to come over here and help me." I say as pat the empty space next to me.

"You know i usually buy someone dinner or at least a drink before i jump into bed with them."

"Oh shut up and get over here." I say as i try to forget that Gabriel isn't here with me.

"Fine" He says before he walks over and climbs into bed with me. "SO what am I helping you with.

"We are planning a party." I say as i hold up my note book.

"A party. That's interesting I didn't know we had friends."

"Aww but we do. Especially when you offer free buzz and other things." I say with a smile before i write down a few more names.

"I'll try to keep that in mind." he says he makes himself comfortable. He moves around for a minute until he finally fixes Gabriel pillows to his liking before he choose to speak again. "So where's Gabriel?"

"He's your brother?" I say not really wanting to talk about him.

"Yes but he is your boyfriend or is it fiancé. I don't now. You have a ring on your finger but you never talked about it. " Oh right the promise ring. I wear it everyday but when people ask about it i change the subject. I have no clue as to why i wear it. I use to wear it because i love him but now i think i just got so use to wearing it.

"It's boyfriend. This is just a promise ring. He knows I'm not ready for marriage." I say as i write a few more notes about the party down. You think it would be easy planning a party for college kids. Beer, food, and music would be the only things you need to make a party successful but that not true. So much more goes along with it. I spare you the boring details.

"Okay so where is your boyfriend tonight. I would think he love to help you with this." Gabriel does love planning parties. It's not like we had any but he loves parties but we aren't exactly in the right place to plan a party. That and other things but i don't want to talk about it.

"Gabriel went out tonight. He had something planned with Dean."

"He went out with Dean." He says that like he is feeling some type of way. Maybe it's something that i am missing.

"Yeah and i lie to you not he said he was breaking up with Dean tonight. I have no idea why he said that." Gabriel really did say that but i didn't ask. I am so done with Dean i don't care to ask questions when his name comes up.

"Really." he says like he thinking to himself.

"Yes." I say as i lean over and pull my bottle of Jack up to take a drink from.

"So" he says as i pass the bottle to him. HE takes a hit before he start talking again. "What's going on with you and my brother." he says as he pass it back to me.

" We're good." I says as i take another swing from the bottle. IT's funny how it burns at first but the more you drink the better you feel.

"you sure about that?" he says before he takes the bottle from me.

"Positive." I say as we keep passing the bottle.

"I thought we didn't lie to each other."

"We don't." I say as i feel myself grow angry. I called him into my room to drink, smoke and plan a party not to discuss my relationship.

"So why not tell me the truth." I will not snap on him. I will just simply turn the tables.

"Why aren't you out hooking up with some easy mark."

"I'm over that." He says after he takes a minute to think about it.

"Like your over Dean." I don't want to talk about Dean, but i figure he doesn't want to either.

"Nice try there." he says looking me in the face.

"What i do? " I say trying to act innocent.

"I just love how pretty girl try that innocent crap and think they can get away with it."

"You think I'm pretty." I know totally off subject but hey i can't pass up a compliment.

"Of course. How could i not." Okay maybe i shouldn't have asked that. Him looking me in the eyes is making me feel a little uneasy.

"whatever i just asked a question.?" I say looking say as i try to move things along.

"yes and in doing so you tried to changed the subject." he says not missing a beat.

"No i tried to prove a point. I don't want to talk about Gabriel and I'm assuming you don't wan talk about Dean."

Now i got him. He just sits there starring at my wall holding the bottle.

"Touché" he says as he finally takes a swing before he passes the jack back to me.

"Do you still love him?" I ask after a few more moments of silence.

"Did you ever think they would be the one who dictate our lives." I have to laugh to myself. IF you would have told me in the eighth grade that Dean and Gabriel would have a affect my life i would have dis agreed.

"So i guess we are playing twenty questions." I say as i take a huge gulp.

"I guess so...So i had sex with Anna."

"How was it?" I ask as i fight the erg to tell him how stupid that was.

"Yeah and Dean wants me back... I think."

"Wow" Oh god i want to snap. I know I usually have an a opinion but like i said before i am staying out of it.

"So you have nothing to say about that." He says looking at me from the corner of his eyes.

"No" I say as i burry my internal thoughts.

"I don't know if I'm still in love with Dean." Wow he just blurts that out. I never saw that coming. I have to say i am surprised. I never thought he'd say that. I have so much to say on that but i won't. Why even bother. It' s not like they even listen to me.

"Wow" I should have more to say. I should ask more questions but who really cares.

I expect Cas to say something but he doesn't. He looks at me before he gets off the bed. He starts to walk away but he stops before he gets to my door. Cas stands there for a second before he turns around and looks at me.

"I don't know what happen to my friend JO but i would like he back." he says as he stands at the foot of my bed.

"Excuse me." I say as if i don't know what he is talking about?

"To quote my friend Cut the shit." Oh he's angry. "You messed up Gabriel's car a week ago. I expect a argument but inside all you two have done is smoke , drink and fuck. It's as if you don't have problems."

"Well-" I try to speak but he cuts me off.

"Shut up." Did he just tell me to shut up? "You and Gabriel have problems and you are just letting them to roll off your back. That's not the JO i Know.

"I've change!" I shout at him.

"Yeah but not for the better. The Jo i know would make him address these problems no matter what."

"I am still the same Jo!" He is really pissing me off.

"Prove it. I just told you how i feel and you had nothing to say. The Jo i know would tell me how she feel and help me work shit out." He's right i normally would but i don't see the point.

"Cas things are so messed up right now. Why even try and get in the middle?" IT's true. Gabriel wants to break up with Dean, why should i even get involved in that. It has nothing to do with me.

"The JO I know wouldn't care. She give her two cents no matter what"

Oh my god i see what is happening here. Cas is so confused he wants me to help him make up his mind. You might think i'm reaching but i know him and i know what he is doing. He needs my help. I want to help him but this might be something he needs to figure out on his own.

"You want my two cents." I ask figuring out away for him to just drop everything and go away. I'm starting to think calling him into my room was a mistake.

"I didn't say that." Of course he would say such a thing.

"Okay i see where this is going. You want my two cents then you have to tell about your nightmares."

Believe it or not he has never told me about it. I want to ask to him but i can't. I can tell he is ready to talk about it. I actually feel bad bringing it up.

"I see" he say after much thought. "I'll help you plan your party tomorrow" HE says as he walks around the bed to pick up my bottle of Jack."

"You're leaving." I say as he walks though the bar.

"Good night Jo." he says before he leaves.

I guess i hit a raw spot. Serves him right bringing up Gabriel. He knows me better than anybody he should know i don't want to talk about him. YEs me and Gabriel have issues but we will work them out. It's only the natural order of things. I don't need to be my mouthy self. Being like that gets me into a lot of trouble. Then again maybe i should just tell them all what i feel and think. I am starting to feel repressed.

You know what Cas is right. I am tired of being like this. I hate the fact that i know why Dean and Cas broke up. I want to ripe Gabriel head off because of it. Trying to change who i am isn't working. Maybe it's time i go back to who i am. You know what i will but within reason. I just don't know how to balance it out.

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	24. Chapter 24 Castiel

**Hello all,**

**I know the last chapter wasn't what you were hoping for but it does serve a purpose. I just can't tell you why?**

**I hope u guys like this chapter. It's Destiel**

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"Cas Cas Castiel"

Oh god it's him again. Why can't he just go way? I think I am starting to miss the days where I never heard from him. Yes those were the days. I never heard from him and I was left in an emotional limbo. I miss those days.

It's ironic I never believed in the phrase "be careful what you wish for" until now. I spent a year wondering about him and why he just left. I spent a year hoping he'd talk to me and I be able to feel again and now I wish he just go away. I know I wanted to feel something but I didn't mean a river of emotions.

"Cas, please open up."

Damn it. Why didn't I go out tonight? Jo took a break from party planning to spend time with Gabriel. OF course all they do now is get drunk and have sex. I don't know what is going on with them but they need to fix it. How can you be with someone only of you are intoxicated? I hate what's happening to them.

"Cas please." Okay now I am ready to punch him in the face. Why hasn't Gabriel taken his key back from him? Ugggggggg why hasn't Gabriel taken his key back from him. He broke up Dean that was his words not mine. Bottom line he ended things with him, don't people usually take back their keys.

"I know you're in there. I can hear your TV." Curse Gabriel and me wanting to stay in to watch Star Trek Voyager. If I would have gone out or if Gabriel took back his key then Dean wouldn't be banging on my bedroom door like he his crazy.

"You can act like you don't hear me all you want but I know you are in there. I can hear your TV is on and I saw your car outside." Uggg, why can't he just go away?

"Cas open the door or I will force myself in." He doesn't give up? I got to give to him. When he wants something he doesn't give up. Of course he only wants me when I don't want him. Why can't he just leave me to be confused and lonely?

"That's it. I'm breaking down the door. If you don't open this damn door by the time I get to three then I am breaking my way though." Maybe I should open it. I don't feel like hearing Gabriel mouth,

"One…" Damn it. I am tired of him. "Two…" Okay I'm getting up. I am going to open it. Maybe if I tell him how I truly feel he will leave me alone to finger things out. "Three…" Here I go. My hands feel so heavy as I unlock the door to let him in.

"Hello Dean." I say as he makes a comment about breaking down my bedroom door.

"About time." Okay I expected him to yell or demand why I haven't returned his calls or texts but I never expect him to crash his lips into me.

What is he doing? What am I doing? Oh fuck it. Who cares? I don't have to talk to him and he doesn't want to talk so I am just going to ride this out. Plus I am still horny. I can't believe I haven't had sex in so long. I have never gone longer than seven days.

Fuck his body feel so good to me. The way he crash his lips into mine makes my pants so tight. The way his tongue explores my mouth makes me melt into him. I usually take control but something about tonight makes me let him do whatever he wants.

He must feel it too because he knows he can take control. Dean breaks the kiss and walks towards me as I back up until my calf's hit the edge of my bed. I don't get a chance to say anything before he pushes back. I land into my queen size bed. Dean doesn't wait to straddle my lap. He quickly captures my mouth and I let him.

No matter how many times I kiss him I always feel a rush. This rush feels like some kind of head rush that causes my whole body to feel weak, but in a good way. Once my body goes weak it feels like I am floating. He kiss is like a dose of heroin and I am addicted. Oh god what am I doing? I can't do this with him. He is mauling my mouth as I run my hands up his back.

I have to stop. I know where this is leading. If I keep going I am going to have such a passionate night followed by him falling asleep next to me. I could never kick him out. All those nights I want to leave but I couldn't. Something always pulled me towards him. I have to stop this.

"Dean" I say as I break away from his oh so sexy mouth. His lips are so pink ,soft, and puffy. How could I not want to kiss the beautiful freckle face? I just want to play connect the dots on his face. No! What am I doing I am getting distracted by him.

"Shut up Cas" He sounds and looks so sexy. With those bedroom and sluggish voice it's making it hard to resist him, but I have to.

"What are you doing?" I asking as I look away from him. IF I avoid looking to his green eyes then I might be able to fight this. The summer is almost over. Once school starts back up I can go back to New York and spend another year away from him I think. I don't know. I might be able to stay away from him. I'm so confused. What would you do?

"I thought it was obvious." He says as he keeps his body on top of mine. I should have never pressed my back against my headboard. If I had lain all the way down it would be easier to avoid eye contact. Then again I am not sure.

"Oh it is.' I say as I feel pain start to set in my groin area. "I just want to know why?" What am I doing? I never needed to know why someone is giving themselves to me. I always knew why? I'm just that good.

"You won't talk to me but you will screw me so with the time we have left I have decided to take what I can get." He says as he captures my chin to make me look at him.

"Oh" I feel happy and disappointed at the same time.

"Yes." He says before he starts kissing me with such urgency.

I started to say something but I stopped myself before i had the chance. I have about two weeks and four days before I go back to school. If I can spend that time having some of the best sex ever then why should I ruin it. It's time I just live in the now. No more thinking.

"What are doing?" Dean ask as he breaks our kiss as I reached my hand over to mu night stand.

"Going in my nightstand." I say as I keep my hand on the knob.

"I see that, but why I have lube in my pocket." He says as he gives me a sexy smile.

"But do you have a condom?" I didn't mean to let it slip out like that. I should have use more tact.

"No" he says confused and hurt all at the same time. "Why do you need a condom? We never use condom."

"You never had a sexually transmitted disease before." Again I could have use more tact but the words are just flying out my mouth.

I finally find the strength to look Dean in the eye but he can't look at me. At first I think he is ashamed but he isn't. I watch him as he climbs off of me and stands over me looking at me. I know he is hiding something. I can feel it in my bones, I know him. I know him to well and because I know him I am starting to get angry.

"Look Cas buddy." I need to calm down. I need to calm the fuck down. Dean is about to be honest with me and you know as well as I do that doesn't happen often.

"What is it Dean?" I ask as I move my body to sit on the edge of my bed.

"I have to tell you something and I don't really know how to tell you." Father in heaven give m strength. We are about to talk and I don't; have the right mind set for it. I never wanted to talk to him. I did at first but the last week has me thinking differently.

"Just tell me." There is nothing he can do to surprise.

"Okay…I….I…. I never had an STD. I just made it up to get attention." And there it is. Dean never seems to amaze me. I don't know why I thought he was done with all the lies and secrets.

"Okay thank you Dean. You have given me much to think about." He really has like how I going to go the next two weeks without kicking his head in.

"No, I'm not accepting that this time." Okay he sounds a little upset. He really has some nerve.

"I don't understand."

"Cut the shit Cas. I know you and you only pretend to be confused when you want to play dumb, but you aren't. Cas you are far from dumb. I know you and looking into your eyes that you are thinking, understanding and mad."

"Dean just-" I don't even know how to finish that sentence. I am so angry right now.

"Just what leave. I will never leave don't you get that. JO and Gabriel are a couple. No matter what we will always cross paths one way or another."

"You only want me because of them." I say standing up. I still have to fight the erg to punch him.

"That's not what I meant." He says a little nervous.

"So tell me Dean, what do you mean?" I say as I start to slowly move into him.

"You already know."

"No I don't" I say as he starts to back up as I move closer. Is it wrong to secretly love the fear in his eyes?

"I love you." He says once his back hits my desk.

"You love me but it took you a year and so many states for you to realize that." I say as I blow my breath over him.

"I have loved you since the first time we kissed." Liar!

"Right that why you stayed with Bella all though out high school. That's why you lied to me over and over again why you dragged me thought the mud. That's why you told me you loved me, promise a future with just me and you then break up with me in a Dear John letter!" I know I spit all over his face but I don't care.

"You don't understand." He pleads.

"Then make me understand." I say stepping away. I had to create distance between us. I was tens seconds away from hitting him or kissing him. I have no idea which one o would have done but I know I don't want to do both.

"I broke up with you because I loved you. I broke up with you because I loved you. You deserved better and that's what I thought I was giving you."

"Right that's why keep telling me you love me. IF I deserve better then why do you keep doing this?" I say as he stands up straight. I like when he was bend backwards over my desk.

"Because I am better. I am different than I was last year. IF I stayed with you then things would have gotten worse and you would have hated me. You have to believe me. I am better now."

"IF you were better now than you would let me move on. You would let me be free."

"You think I want to make a fool of myself." He says as he approaches me. I need to take a step back. I don't need him close right now. Dean being to close just confuses me.

"I think you want what you can't have."

"I can't argue there." He says before he goes quiet. I guess he doesn't know what to say. I don't know what to say. What should I say to him? HE has lied to me over and over again as recently as today and I can't trust him. How can someone trust a person like him? This can't be so well.

"Fuck you" I finally mage to say.

"You been doing that all summer Cas but I think I need something more." He says as I turn my back towards him.

"You left me Dean. You couldn't even do it to my face."

"I know but if saw you in person I would have never done it. I know my actions weren't smart but how can you leave the love your life. How can you leave that person?"

"I don't you tell me. You did that exact thing." He goes quiet for a moment before he speaks again.

"Please just tell me what I have to do. Tell me how you feel. I can take it no matter what. I just need to know"

He wants to know. Dean want to know what is wrong. He wants to know what cuts the deepest. I could tell him but what point what it make.

"Cas please tell me." I don't have to look at him to know the look in his eyes. His eyes are sad and puppy dog like. …..Oh fuck it. I will tell him. HE has no right to feel like a sad puppy.

"I was your best friend Dean." I say turning around to look him in the eyes.

"What?" Damn it how did I not know he was nose to nose.

"We were friend first Dean. We friends first and it's like you forgot that so many times. I always loved you more than a friend but I think what made our love so strong was our friendship. NO matter what the situation was we always had a great time. I always thought you hold on to that. Our friendship and that level of respect that come with it. But you never did, you stopped respecting once I agreed to be your secret boyfriend. Once I agreed you threw it away but I was in denial about it all the way up until today….. You know if you broke up with me in person we might actually be some kind of friends today but you didn't because you forgot I was you your friend."

"Cas I-" Oh no he doesn't get a chance to say anything. I am not done.

"Dammit Dean I was your friend before anything else. You just threw me away long before you ended things. You were so wrapped up in yourself you never fully realized how much I was in love with you. I loved you so freaking much. I would have followed you anywhere forever." Okay now I'm done. I know he knows I'm done. He can tell by the way my chest is move and with me gasping for air.

"Cas I don't. I don't know what to say." Of course he doesn't. He never does once I make so form of my feeling clear.

"You don't have to say anything." I say as I look at him. He looks like a dear in head lights as I bite my lower lip.

"Cas I-" I don't have time for this. I didn't want to confess anything. I want this to end. I want this conversation to end. It can only end one way. The only way I know how. Me kissing him is the only way I know how.

My blood is pumping and I feel so hyper active .I feel like I have just taken multiply shots of caffeine. I need to burn off this current burst of energy and there is only one way I know how.

"Get your tight ass on the bed." I command once I break the kiss.

"Yes sir." He says smilling as he flings for my bed.

I never want to say this to him and knowing him he will take it and run with it. That is tomorrow's problem. Tonight I will give the couple next door a run for their money as I pound him into the mattress and find ways to avoid him the next couple weeks. Of course that's the easy part avoid him at the party will be hard. But it is manageable.

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**i just have one question? do you think cas still loves dean **

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	25. Chapter 25 Dean

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!**

**Hello all. Hope everything is well. I hope you guys aren't getting bored with the story. I promise it will be ending soon. **

**Everything won't be wrapped up because I do have a sequel planned. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**I will be back sometime next week because Thursday is my birthday and I have a lot of celebrating to do starting tomorrow all the way though Sunday.**

**SO how about as a birthday gift you leave me some reviews.**

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**Chapter 25 Dean **

I have this little cousin. Her name is Emma and she is ten years old. She is related to me thought Aunt Ellen. So I guess technically isn't my cousin but that's not the point. My point is she and her parents came to visit this week. Her parents hung out with my aunt and uncle the whole time while Sammy, Jo, and me took turns watching her. I watched her day before yesterday.

She's a good kid. Not too much trouble. Although she did make me watch High school musical 1,2 and 3. I never wanted to see those movies ever in my life but there I was all day wy=atching them like boo boo the fool. I learn a lot from that cast and the one thing I learned the most is that I hate those fucking movies.

They were the worse things ever. Especially the second and third movie, they give kids unrealistic expectations. High School is nowhere like that. I don't know where the writers went to school but they sure as hell didn't go to school with me. Nothing like that ever happened at my school, at least not when it came to my life. Maybe I was one of those kids in the background, but then again nobody in my town can keep their trap shut. So if something like that did happen I would have heard about it.

I wish high school was like that, at least my experience. If this was a movie then everything would be different. Either I would have met Bella fell and stayed in love, Jo and I be on speaking terms, Cas would be my best friend, and Gabriel and I wouldn't haven't to pretend we aren't speaking. Life would be so simple then, but instead my life is different.

Instead Jo and aren't I speaking, Gabriel and I share too many secrets, Cas is neither my lover nor my boyfriend, oh and I'm gay. I have to laugh because when I think of what my life and what my circle of friends have become. Once upon a time we all got along. Once upon a time we all talked laughed and hung out. Once upon a time I was with Cas and I was happy. Now I feel alone and heart broken. I miss my friends but I miss him more. If I had to choose who to make up with first, it would be him. Not saying that my friends don't matter but I feel like if I fixed things with him then everything would fall into place. Damn I miss him.

I miss him so fucking much. Everything in my body aches for him. Instead of enjoying my summer like I normally do I have spent the entire summer somewhere lost in hell. I am trapped in hell and the only person who can save me is him. I am afraid I will stay here until the day he grips me tight and pulls me out. The only problem is, I don't think he knows.

The minute he came home I should have locked us in a room and told him how I feel. I should have made sure the room had no windows and one door, that way he wouldn't have been able to get out. He would have had no choice but to talk to me. I know I messed up. I know I left him, but that was a mistake. A huge mistake I'm afraid I will be regretting the rest of my life. No fuck that, he will not be the one who got away. He will just be the one and I know just how to do that. I have about a week and half before he leaves and school starts back for me. That gives me enough time to try and fix things one last time

I am going to fix things but not like I have tried this past summer. No this time I am going to try something new. I am going to tell Cas the truth. Yup, you heard me. I am going to tell him the real reason I broke up with him. Yeah we always had problems but we always mange to work them out, but I figure with me admitting to being gay and Cornell it might help jump start some kind of platform for us to build from.

Gabriel is going to kill me for this but it's something I have to do. HE never wants me tell Cas but I have to. Gabriel was wrong for pressuring me, I was wrong for giving in and Cas has a right to know. If he loves and cares about his brother then he will be okay with it. I hope. I hope Gabe is okay with this. We were wrong in the first place, so I'm guessing he has no say. I hope he sees it that way when we talk.

Since I plan to tell Cas the truth in a week I have decided to be a good friend to him and give him a heads up, but there is only one problem. The problem is I can't call him since Jo and Cas both think we aren't talking and I don't want to call him. With my luck I'd call him when he is around one of them. I can't call him, but I can text him.

See I hate having long conversations thought text but I have no problem setting up something thought text. I use to do it all the time with Cas, but stating the obvious here we don't do that no more. We don't do much of anything anymore and it's time that changed and I know exactly how.

I know we have had a lot of problems but ever sense our last meeting and now-

"Psssssshhhhhhh" What the? "Pssshhhhh" What the hell? Who the hell?

"Dean!" Okay some creepy guy in a baseball cap just called my name. "Deannnn" Who the hell is this guy. "Come here." Okay I don't what's creepier, the fact that this guy has on sunglasses and a baseball cap or the fact that he is using this low gruff like whisper voice. Did I mention that I am standing in the middle of a park?

"Come here" he says to me as I try to figure out what to do. The future cop in me is telling he he is some kind of pervert and I need do something about this. Yeah maybe I'll talk to him, get him to leave the area, and then beat his ass. Might sound crazy but there are kids in this park. If he is bold enough to pick me up here, imagine what he would do to helpless dumb children.

"Come here" Okay this dud e is serious. HE is starting to talk to me though his teeth. I need to kick his ass.

"Okay" I say with a smile as I walk over to sit next to him on bench. Okay I am going to go with the flow until I get him out of here.

"About time" The creep says after I sat down next to him. It takes me a minute to register who this guy was.

"Gabriel" I say after realizing that this weirdo was the person I was meeting here in the first place.

"Who the hell else would be calling your name?" He says as he lowers his glasses to look at me.

"I guess I never thought about it." I say as he quickly looks away from me.

"You're lucky your pretty." He says looking around the park.

"Dude,why the hell do you look like some kind of pervert?"

"I do not." He says in his all too familiar offended voice. I swear he can be so dramatic at time. Shit like this just gets on my nerves.

"Why are you in disguised?"

"Because I told everybody we broke up." He says as he looks over his shoulder. Not only does he look like some kind of pervert and he is acting paranoid as hell.

"Will you stop saying that shit?" I say looking around.

"Why so grumpy Gus?"

"Why such a creepy jackass?"

"Ohhh touché Deano touché."

"Seriously man you look ridiculous." I say as I make sure that we have enough space between us. Just in case someone wants to call the cops, they won't mistake us for being together.

"Please I look good in anything. You're just jealous."

"No I'm worried people might get the wrong idea." I say as I wave my hand between us.

"Please you'd be lucky to have all this."

"Jesus" I say as I rub my forehead. He is starting to get on my nerves again. I honestly don't know why I even bother with him.

"Don't bring him into this."

"Gabriel seriously."

"I am being serious. You can have all types of nasty relations with my baby bro but you can't even flatter me. Not even a little."

"What kind of world you live in.?" I ask raising my voice causing everyone to look at us.

"Oh don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Seriously, can you stop now?" I ask very monotone. I swear I am two seconds away from walking away. He is getting on my nervous and I know he can tell. My mouth is so tight I might start bleeding inside my mouth.

"Stop what?" Oh come on. He wants to sit there and give me such a lost and innocent look. Yeah you can even see this stupid express with the hat and shades.

"I'm about to leave." I say as I slap both of my knees before I take a deep breathe.

"Leave. Why are you leaving? You ask me to meet you hear?"

"Yeah, but it was your idea to meet in the middle of some park. I wanted you to meet me at fricking dinner."

"Oh so you do want to bang me?" I wonder if I would get into trouble if I punch out right here. I mean he does kind of look like a creeper.

"Okay…DO you want to have sex with me? Is Jo not putting out enough or something? DO you want me to bang your brains out? Is that it, cause if you do I gotta tell you man, I'm done for that." Maybe if I just go with it he will shut up and can actually talk.

I think it's working. He's quiet and just staring at me. Now all I have to do is just lean my body in and give him my sexy smile.

"Deano, what are you doing?" oh his somber now. Maybe I should move my face just a little closer to his and

"I knew you wanted me. I knew it!" he yells as he jumps from the bench and does a happy dance. Seriously, only I would get a straight friend like this.

"Why are you dancing?"

"Because it fucks with your head." He says as he stands still. "You know I can't help myself, but good job you almost had me there for a second." He says as sits down next to me.

"So does this mean you are going to take the hat and glasses off?"

"Nope, but I am ready to talk to you." He says as he relaxes back on the bench.

"Why do you always have to fuck with me?" I know I sound like a whinny kid but I don't care."

"Simple my dear friend, it's just so much fun." He says like it's the simplest answer out there. I really have to learn to ignore him.

"Maybe we should really take a break." I say as I recall the conversation we had in the bar a week ago. It was a weird strange night that ended with me getting laid.

See what happen was, Gabriel told me about a bar he could get into and ask if I wanted to go. Me being me I said yes of course and met him at some dive looking bar on the other side of town. Come to find out it wasn't the bar that he had told me about before, it was a gay bar. I didn't know whether I was offended or happy about him bringing me there. Anyway to make a long story short, Gabriel told me that was last time we could hang out for a while.

Apparently Cas was bitter with him for being friends with me and that he need to fix things with his brother. You'd think I am upset but I'm not. I understood his dilemma and I understand we have to keep our distances, but I also understand I have to fix things with Cas. If I fix things with him then everything else will fall into place.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Gabriel ask as he swings his arm over the bench.

"Okay, now what I am about to say isn't easy but I think it's the right then to do."

"Okay."

"Now I had a conversation with your brother that bought a whole new light to everything."

"Sure, but I thought you were okay with being gay or have you back tracked again."

"This has nothing to do with that."

"Then what does it have to do with." He ask a little nervous.

"Cas and I were friends once upon a time. Like real friends. Hell he was my friend before you and I became friends."

"I know, but I still don't see where you are going with this."

"The way I treated him, is how you treat your friends. I owe so much more than what I gave him."

"Please tell me you aren't saying what I think you are saying."

"That depends what you think I am saying."

God I am starting to sweat. I know it's summer and the sun is beating down on us but I think I'd still be sweating if it was night time.

"You're going to tell him the one thing we agreed we'd never tell him." He says as he sits straight up to look me in the eyes. Well he's looking at me in the eye. I am looking at my reflection and I have to say I lot pretty damn good today.

"It's the only thing I can do to get him back."

"HE doesn't want you back." He says as he snatches off his hat and glasses."

"How do you know that? You have said it before he doesn't talk to you anymore? You have no idea what's going on in his head."

"He might not talk to me but I know him. Dean buddy he treats you like some kind of whore. He doesn't talk to you, he just screws you and leaves."

"I know he still cares about me and he will want me back if I tell him the truth."

"Seriously, you ask what world I live in. What world do you live in? How is telling this going to fix either of our relationships with him. All it's going to do is just make him pull away more."

"Keeping it from him, will only cause more damage."  
"He doesn't need this too. He already has a few screws loose. From what I don't know and I will never know if you open you big mouth."

"He might be pissed but he will get over it."

"He doesn't need to know" Oh someone is pissed. Gabriel's face is all red and his nostrils are just flaring open.

"I think he does."  
Gabriel shuts up for a minute as he rubs him temples. I wait for him to speak as I ponder the after mad of what will happen once I tell him.

"Dean, telling him won't change anything between you too. He might still have relations with you but you two will never be in a relationship again. I know it sucks and you still love him but too much damage has been done. It's over between you two and you need to realize it."

"We aren't over. If we were over he would have told me."

"He's going back to New York in a week and four days. I don't think he will be coming back to visit anytime soon."

"I know that. I know where he goes to school. I know oh too well."

"SO why not just let him go and find somebody else. Look as your friend and I say this with love but you are starting to look desperate"

"I can't do that man. Not until I know I have tried everything I can."

"There is nothing you can do. What's done is done."

"It's not over until I try."

"He won't take you back." He says as I stand up.

"Yes he will. He loves me as much as I love him"

"Dean this is stupid. This won't fix anything with you two. Not only will he distance himself more from you and might actually start to hate you. He will hate me and pull away from me too. I can't break his trust right now. He is suffer from some sort of PTSD and I can't help him if he doesn't trust me."

Okay he is starting to get on my nerves. Cas doesn't have PTSD and how dare he lie about something like that. I know our break up affected him but it didn't damage him that bad. Gabriel is just making shit up to protect his own ass.

"You know Gabe, why don't you stop worrying about my relationship and worry about yours. I don't know if you noticed but Jo kind of went all grand slam on your car."

"My relationship is fine and you have no relationship. Not with my brother, not with Jo and you aren't about to have one with me."

"Oh yeah lash out. You're just mad because you know I'm right and your relationship isn't fine. OR have you two started talking again. Last I check, Jo was just screwing you and spending all he free time with Cas and Alana. That is what you told me. Does she need to be drunk to have sex with you."

"Fuck you Dean." He says as he stands up to get in my face.

"Not even with the thickest condom on."

"I won't let you tell him."

"Oh, but I am going too and as your friend I wanted to give you a heads up. I thought you'd like to tell him with me." I say as I look him in the eye.

"Oh no, you want to spill the beans you get to tell him all by yourself."

"Coward."

"Delusional"

"I am going to tell Saturday at the party. BE ready."

"I have nothing to be ready for. You're not invite."

"That's okay I am not above crashing a party." I say giving him my best smile.

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**So what did you think?**

**Let me know?**

**Once again the end is coming.**

**ANd it's my birthday and all I want are some reviews. **


	26. Chapter 26 Dean

**Don't forget to review. **

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**Hey guys i am back. **

**Thank you for the birthday wishes. I had the best birthday ever. ( I went to the one direction concert and that was only the start of my extended bday weekend.) **

**I also want to say thank arkam for the review. I only have one thing to say. Don't doubt our fav 4 just yet. **

**I hope u all enjoy this chapter. I think it's the beginning of the end here.**

**Please review and let me know what you think,.**

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**Chapter 26 Dean **

_From Cas_

_Meet me in my room in twenty._

I can't stop starring at this text message. Cas actually wants to meet me. I thought i would have to bed and plead for him to talk to me but turns out i didn't have to do anything. Yeah i know. I am just as surprised as you are. They way he has been avoiding me all summer you would think, i would have to get him drunk and then drag him somewhere and force him to listen to me.

Okay you might think i am just shocked because of Cas's behavior all summer but that is only part of it. Part of me hoped that after his confession to me the other night he would be willing to talk to me. I thought he would. That is until o got to this party. Now before i tell you about Cas let me tell you about this crazy party I am sure will be shut down by the cops.

If you think I'm lying, then you must not know about the neighborhood Jo and Gabriel live in. They live in some upper class snobby white picket fence neighborhood. To be honest i hate coming here. The people around here always give me dirty looks like i am going to break into their house or something, but whatever. Shit i am surprised they haven't called the cops yet. The music is so loud i heard it song as i turned on their block. Then again i think i saw some of her neighbors here.

When you first walk in there are people all over their lawn drinking, dancing, smoking cigarettes and just having a good time. Once you enter the living room you will notice a group of people play different drinking games. There is a beer pong tournament going on one side of the summer while on the other side two groups of twelve are playing kings. The dinning room has become one of the two dance floors. Now the kitchen has become the bar. Everywhere you look there is a bottle of liquor.

I like how Jo has the kitchen set up. It represents her OCD that i totally forgot about. See on one side of the kitchen she has all the vodka and on the other there's rum and so on and so forth. Did i mention that she rented a ice machine. I'm guessing she rented it because i have never seen it here before. Now i know what you must be thinking. Where's the beer? Can't have a party, without beer. Well the beer happens to be next to the other dance floor and that would be outside.

Yeah Jo really put a lot of thought into this party and she wasn't shy about spending Gabriel's money. He gave her a debit card to his account months ago. She never used it but i guess that has changed. She managed to turn to turn there very large pool into a dance floor, but she also added a few feet each way. There is a super awesome DJ who is playing a mix of all music set up on a stage where people can actually dance on. Yes there back yard is that big. I secretly hate them for this. I will never be able to afford a place like this. I really hate that Gabriel calls it a starter home. Like what the fuck he is going to buy a house with more than four bedrooms.

I hate them but i love them. They are my family and no matter what i will always have their back even they don't know it. Jo hasn't spoken to me in a while and Gabriel isn't speaking to me right now. You wouldn't know it if you were here. I ran into them during my fifth lap around the party. They were in the kitchen getting drinks acting all lovely dovey. Maybe i missed something since i last spoke to Gabriel but you would never guess these two are having problems. They are hanging on each laughing and telling secrets. Then again they are drunk.

Rumor has it that these two forget whatever they are mad about and just remember whatever good feelings they have. I guess this is the case when it come to how they feel about each other and how they feel about me. When we finally came face to face i expected them to throw me out but they didn't. In fact they acted happy to see and made me take shots with them. I am so happy they did this. The more shots i took the more courage i gained to look for Cas.

I was looking for him when i first got here, but at the same time a little part of me didn't want to see him. 'm man enough to admit that i am afraid of rejection. Okay so what Gabriel said to me got into my head. What he said only bothered me like five percent until i got to the party. Once i got here and i thought about everything and it started bothering me like fifty percent. It didn't start bothering me one hundred percent until i did my third lap.

I walked around two times seeing no sign of him. I started to think maybe he skipped the party. You might not know this about Cas but he does think he is too cool for party's sometimes. I'm not lying. I can't tell you how many parties he made me miss because he thought they weren't for him. I'm glad i was wrong during my third lap.

I have no idea where he went or what he was doing before but i finally saw him in the kitchen. There he was standing by the dark liquor talking to some guy. He just stood there standing tall not moving an inch why this guy flirted his ass off. I stood there and watched for a long time as Cas flirted back so subtlety. I wanted to ripe beat the shit out of this guy and cry all at the same time. I wanted to tell myself Cas wanted to make me Jealous but he never notice me. He was too into this guy to even look the other way.

Of course he finally notice me once i followed them outside to the dance floor. Somehow he looked up and we looked eyes. We stared at each other for a second before he looked away. Right there i felt like a dog with his tail between his legs. I felt defeated and wanted to drown my sorrows in as much booze as possible.

That's how i ran into my so called role model of a couple and that's how I gained the courage to look for him once again. I looked for him for a while before i felt my phone buzz. That's when i got his text.

Normally a sane person would actually wait the twenty minutes before going to his room bur of course i didn't. Soon as i read it i ran straight to his room. Part of me hoped he was there. Of course he wasn't. I knew he was going to make me wait for him. He probably watched me run up the stairs to his room. I tell you this I'm glad he wasn't there. It gave me time to think about everything i was going to say and how i was going to say it.

That was forty five minutes ago. I don't why and i don't want to know but he is finally here. I have been sitting on the edge of his bed watching and waiting for that door knob to turn. The moment has finally arrived and it's in slow motion. For every half a second it feels like five minutes for that door to open. Finally it opens.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Oh fuck it's not him. I should have seen this coming.

"Oh you know just hanging out" I say as i try to play it calm and cool.

"Oh just hanging out...SO you waiting for somebody." Why are we even playing this game? We both know who i am waiting for.

"Yes" I say as i am curios to see how far we can carry this game.

"Who? Did you meet somebody?" Guess we are playing chicken.

"You might not know them."

"You sure."

"Yes i am sure." I say before the room goes quiet for a minute.

"Cut the shit Dean. I know you meeting Cas and i know what you are planning to do."

"Yeah and so, What's that got to do with you. Last i heard you were staying out of shit. No wait last time i check instead of just saying how you feel you decided to distance yourself from everybody and only care about yourself.

"OH Fuck you, whenever i try to express myself nobody wanted to listen. SO fuck you if you're mad that i stop talking to people who don't listen."

'Including your boyfriend." OH now i have gone and made her mad. You know she is really mad whenever she shuts up. Trust me this is not a good thing. She's quiet, which means she's thinking and whenever Jo is thinking you are screwed. I just wonder how screwed am i.

"Cotton screwed nothing up with me." Of course he would come now. Gabriel likes to fuck shit up. This doesn't help that she is drunk. We all remember the last time she got drunk and i have a feeling this won't go well.

"SO now i am your Cotton." she says as she turns to look at him in the door way. I think this might be the start of something and it won't be good.

"Forever and always" he says as he wobbles up to her. Maybe i should leave. The way Jo is looking at him kind of means death. Then again maybe i should stay, Gabe might need a witness. He was never smart enough to know when to leave Jo alone. I thought he was getting better at it this summer but now i see he's not.

"Cut the bull shit Gabriel. I know why you are here."

"What i am sure i don't know what you are talking about." he says as he fakes shock.

"Oh you don't hun" Jo says as she folds her arms as she foams at the mouth. Oh man she is pissed like really pissed. I really should leave.

"No" he says like he is sure of himself.

"Really... so you didn't text this dumb ass here pretending to be your brother to meet you here so you can talk him out of telling Cas you talked him into breaking up with him."

"Hey" I shout. Calling me names is un called for. JO needs to really see who she is mad at and for once i am not that person.

"Oh just sit down, shut up, and look pretty." she threatens.

"Yes Ma'am." i say as i sit tight. Hey say what you want but I'm not trying to get hit in the balls tonight. I always knows it's coming but she always finds someway to get me.

"Cotton I followed you up here because you looked pissed and i didn't want your mom spoiled." he says ever so calm.

"Really" she says as she stands to the side with her arms folded.

"Yes." Gabriel says with hesitation.

"Cross your heart and on your mother's grave." Oh now she got shim. Gabriel never lies on his mother.

"Well" he says as he looks over at me. He wants me to help him but i can't help him right now. I only have a one track mind right now.

"I knew it. I knew you were lying to me. OF course you would fucking lie to me. You only called me Cotton because you wanted to distract me."

"I never wanted to distract you. Why would i even try? I know you are too smart for that." He says as his voice starts to i even still stay here.

"Fuck you. Fuck you Gabriel. You are trying to play mind games with me." You know she might be right. I have no idea why these two are here and Cas is not.

"Playing mind games with you" he says in disbelief. "Jo... Cotton I swear I'm not. Why can't you just trust me" He says so convincing but it's a lie. It might work on somebody who doesn't know him but Jo and myself both know him.

"Whatever Gabriel. This is just one more thing to add to the list."

"List! What list?" He ask so surprised.

"Oh like you don't know. "

"I don't know." Okay shit is about to get real and i don't think i need to be here.

"What the hell do you think you are going?" Jo yells at me after i stand up. I took one step and she stood around and notice me.

"Exactly sit down. I have a few words i want to share with you." Gabriel chimes in as i stand there frozen. I don't want to be here. I want to leave and find Cas. I want us to have our own blow out. I can't stay here with them but with they way they looking at me i might not have a choice.

"Well" Jo says as i stand there for a few minutes.

Damn it I'm stuck. I guess i have to just sit here and wait for them to really get into it before i can slip out.

"Now tell me about this list you been keeping." Gabriel turns and says to her after i sit back down.

"Oh don't flip shit on me."

"I'm not flipping shit on you." he says frustrated. " i just want to know what is on your mind."

"Oh now you want to know what is on my mind. For a weeks now you couldn't care less.

"'That's not true." he yells defensive.

"Yes it is. All you want to do is have sex with me. You never want to talk to me."

"I always want to talk to you."

'Yeah and that's why you resent me no, oh and think i want to fuck your brother."

'Well what am i suppose to think when all you do is spend time with him and never have time for you."

"Right just like i didn't have time for you and you failed your classes. News flash Gabriel i would have made time for you and you still would have had time to study . All you had to do was talk to me."

"Is this what this is about. You think i still resent you." He says calmly.

"Well what am i suppose to think. Think about everything that has happen. What am i suppose to think. Instead of trusting me, all because you wanted your fucking money.: she says with tears. I know she is starting to get to him. Gabriel is like me, HE hates seeing her cry I kind of want to punch him in the face.

"You are worth more to me than money."  
"Whatever Gabriel, say what you want. Nothing is how it use to be."

"How did things use to be." he says without missing a beat. Looking at him i can tell he just wants to make her happy. Something i haven't seen from in a long time.

"You use to make a fool of yourself for me and now you can't even talk to me without having a drink."

"You always told me i never had to make a fool of myself to make you happy." he says closing the gap between them.

"I know i said that, but...i never thought i missed that part of you, but i do. I miss that part of you because i always knew you loved me and there was nothing you wouldn't do for me. It told me you loved and now i am afraid you don't love me. " she says as she breaks down in tears.

Wow. I am shocked. Jo always acted like she hated Gabriel goofy behavior when it came to her. I guess she is experiencing the same thing i am. You never know what you got until it's gone. It's cliché but it's cliché for a reason.

"Dean would you excuse us." Gabriel says as he stands there watching Jo break down in front of him. I would like to know how their conversation turn out but i have more important things to do. Plus i am sure i will find out tomorrow. I did turn to take one last look at them before i left and Gabriel was holding her and she was letting him. I think it's safe to say they will work it out. It's not safe to say that me and Cas will be okay. At least not until I find him and alk to him.

Once i left his room and made my way back to the party i was back to square one. In the time i was up stairs it seems about a hundred more people showed up to the party. I swear i didn't know Jo knew so many people. Good thing she bought an entire liquor store and then some.

It's going to be hard to find Cas in this. Last i saw him some guy was throwing himself at him. I just hope He didn't take the guy up on his offer. IF he did then I'm never going to see him tonight. I can't give up hope though.

I think i search an hour for him before i found him standing alone outside next to the second dance floor. I would have asked Meg if she seen him but i i don't like that demon bitch. Of course when i found him my Nerves Came over me of course but i shot them down as i down my jack and coke . I walked up to him acting like i didn't have a care in the world but in really i had a million.

"Dean." he says ever so calm. I don't like it. He giving off the vibe like he doesn't have a care in the room. Of course it's bringing out all my insecurities.

"Hey buddy, you enjoying your self." I say as i fill my cup with beer. I think good he was standing next to a keg. Now it just looks like i was just refilling a drink.

"Always" he says as i fill my cup. As i fill my cup i look around for the guy with the bubble butt that was hitting on Cas.

"Yeah me too." I say as i finish with the keg. I stand there swirling my drink in hand has i feel my nervous starting to build up.

"So" he says while i chugging half of my beer.

"I need to talk to you." i say as i bring my cup away from my mouth. Fuck it it's now or never. He's leaving soon and i don't have time to beat around the bush. I did that all freaking summer.

"I think we should also. There is something i need to talk to you about."

"Good because-"

_"Okay guys i need you all to gather around. I have a special request." _Damn the Dj and his mic. He interrupted me. _"Okay Gather around. I have a special request." _What kind of special request makes him want everyone around. "_Alright everyone this one goes out to Cotton, you know who you are girl"_

I have no idea what is going on here. All i know is when i look over to the middle of the dance floor i see Meg forcing Jo into ta chair. She is annoyed and doesn't want to stay there but Meg is trying his best. I bet if i count to three, she be up and away from her chair and the Dj shout out will mean nothing.

_"Ariel listen to me. The Human world is a mess." _Why do i know this? _"Life under the sea is better than they got up there." _Oh shit it's the little mermaid. Wait why is the Dj playing this song?

_"The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake." _Oh shit i see why now. Gabriel just popped out of nowhere in the tightest clothing i have ever seen and is giving JO a lap dance to the Little Mermaid's Under the Sea.

He is really serious. Wow i guess he really is trying t make up with Jo. I am sure everybody has different thoughts on it but i only have one.

"Dude why is your brother dress like he is an extra in Saturday Fever."

"Beats the hell out of me Dean." Cas says as he gives me a familiar friendly grin.

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	27. Chapter 27 Dean

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**Chapter 27 Dean **

I think Gabriel has official lost his mind. What guy in his right mind gives his girlfriend a lap dance to The Little Mermaid's "Under the Sea" dressed like an extra from Saturday Night Fever. I know he never had his whole mind but i think he lost a bit more of it tonight. Maybe it's the booze, maybe it's the fight him and Jo just had, or maybe it's booth but whatever the reason he has lost it tonight.

"Cas, seriously what is wrong with your brother why is he dressed like John Travolta."

"I don't he is." Cas says after he takes a swing from his cup as he studies Gabriel who is gyrating his hip to the chorus.

"What?" I say confused as i watch Gabriel thrust his pelvis. Oh god i want to laugh. Him dancing in skin tight skinny leg black jeans with a matching wife beater is making me want to piss myself. Oh God did i mention his hair. He looks like he dump a whole can of moose on it.

"I think you are mistaken my brother." He says after much thought.

"There is no mistake about it buddy."

"Awe but there is. He isn't dressed like Saturday Night feature."

'Oh please explain this." I say as i take a chug of my beer.

"Of course i will. I would love to prove you wrong." he says as the second verse of the song plays.

"Oh really" I say taking a step back. "Care to make it interesting." I say with a goofy smile on my face.

"Depends what you have in mind." He says as he takes a step to look me in the eyes. For a moment i forget that Gabriel is dancing. I swear i love getting lost in his eyes.

"Okay i see where this is going. How about this? The winner has to pick the loser's punishment." How can i not. I know Gabriel better than he knows him right now.

"Have you ever seen Saturday Night Fever."

"What does that have to do with anything." I say as i make sure we keep a close distance. I love the fact that we are standing toe to toe. Some how i feel closer to him than i have all summer.

"Just answer my question." He says as he give me this devious grin.

"No but i have seen enough of it in pop culture to know what the outfits would look like."

"Okay fine, it's a deal than." He says as he takes a step back to extend his hand.

"Okay deal i say as i shake his hand before we both step away from each other and look at Gabriel.

"You sure you want to do this?" He says as i look at JO. You would never guess she was upset not to long ago. She is smiling and laughing a mile a minute as Gabriel Dance on her.

"I'm sure i say" with out looking at him.

"He's dressed like Patrick Swayze from dirty dancing." Oh shit he might be right.

"You sure about that." I say as i try to figure to figure out a way to win this bet. If i win then Cas has to talk to me.

"Absolutely" he says as Gabriel starts some kind of dance as he walks towards the stage.

"Okay remember that when you lose dean." He says as he looks at me with mischievous eyes. Is it wrong that my heart stopped and i got Goosebumps. No matter the look it always does something to me.

"I will" I say as Gabriel takes the mic to speak.

"Thank you everybody." He says as everyone starts to clap for him. " I promise i won't hold up this party for too long but i just want to express myself for a quick minute. ...That was for you Cotton. I love you so much. I will always love you. You never have to question my love because...I Will always.. I repeat I will always be your fool."

"AWWWWW" The crowd goes as Gabriel and Jo share a loving look.

"Okay I'm done. I just have one last thing to say. Cotton baby love will you have this dance with me." He says before he puts down the mic to jump off the stage. Everything is quiet as he walks up to her in the chair she has been in middle of the dance floor. Gabriel extends his hand as the music starts to play.

_" Now I've had the time of my life"_ Damn it. Damn myself straight to hell. Gabriel is danced like Swayze from Dirty Dancing. How the fuck can i not see that. Jo loved that movie growing up. Fuck, the whole little mermaid thing through me off.

_"No i never felt like this before."_

"well Dean i think it's time for you to pay up." Cas says as i curse myself some more.

"Fine do you worse." I say as i turn to him, extend my arms and close my eyes.

"I will." he says as the next line of the song plays.

I stand there willing and waiting for him to tell me to leave him alone. What else would he ask for? I am starting to think Gabriel is right. Maybe he doesn;t love me anymore.

"Okay" he says as he steps within a centimeter of my face. I feel hi breathe on my face before he speaks." Will you have this dance with me."

"What i say as i lower my arms and open my eyes.

"Dance with me." he says giving me a warm look.

"Dance with you." I have to repeat it. Out of all the thing s i was expecting. I wasn't expecting that.

"I want you to dance with me." he says as he hold his hand up.

"Okay" I say without a second thought.

_"we saw the writing on the wall, as we felt this magical fantasy. "_

As the song played i never second guess i just took his hand to let him lead me out on the dance floor. Right now i don't care about who is here or what they have to say. all i know is i am in his arms as we slow dance across the dance floor. I might have lost but i think it's the best bet i ever made. NO scratch that it's the best.

"It's about time." He says as me both move to the beat.

"Time for what?" I say as i feel his arm hold me tight.

"Ever since prom, i have always wanted to slow dance with you." He says as he moves his head from my shoulder to look me in eyes.

"Dido Cas. Dido." I say as i pull him in to rest my head on his shoulder.

"I never thought I'd be able to dance with you like this."

"A lot of thing s are possible Cas." I say as the bridge starts to play.

I expected him to say something but he doesn't. He just holds me tight as the song finishes it out it's last minute.

We are having a moment right now and i don't want t ruin it but i have to say something. I need to say something to him. I don't have mush time left. If i let this opportunity escape then i will have to wait at least another ten to eleven months before he returns. He might not ever come back.

"Look Cas" I say as the song finishes and we break apart. "I need to talk to you. I need to know something."

"What is it Dean." he says so calm as ever. It's like he doesn't have any nerves. He's too clam. Maybe Gabriel was actually right. I know i said tat before but i didn't want to believe it.

"Well I-"

_" Melt Antarctica Saving Africa. I failed Algebra. And i miss you sometimes." _Of course this song would play. Note to self; talk to Gabriel about this song playing. He might have something to do about it.

"Like i was saying " I say as i notice Cas looking beyond me.

"Not to cut you off Dean but i think we might be need else where. " he says as he stretch's his neck to look beyond me.

"What" I say as i take a look beyond me. He's ignoring me and my curiosity has gotten the better of me.

I think Cas something about him hating when i say what but once i turned around to look i got distracted. When i turned to look i saw Jo arguing with some guy who goes to my school. She didn't argue with him long. Soon as the conversation looked heated. I saw Gabriel push her away to get in the middle.

"I think we should handle that." I say. I never gave Cas a chance to respond as my feet started moving before my mind could catch up. Jo was arguing with some guy and it's never a question f what's the problem. All i know is if you get in her face like he did then we got a problem. Nobody yell sin her face and gets away with it. I don't care if she started it. Just know i am going to end it.

"Is there a problem here." Cas says as we walk up on them. I like how he didn't hesitate or question me. HE knew what it was and just went with it. I just wish I said something first.

"Stay out of this." JO commanded as she tried to push Gabriel out the way. She tried but he didn't let her. Gabriel looks more pissed than i feel .

"I wish i could but i saw this guy to up close and personal in your face." I say as i take a fight stance. The son of a bitch is lucky i didn't hit him themintue i walked up.

"What's the problem." Cas says as he steps in front of me.

"Nothing to concern your fairy ass." The guy says.

Now i know he didn't just say that. He can go there if he wants but i promise you and god i will show him not to test me. Does he think i was dancing with Cas that i am soft. Oh god please let him think that. Please let him stay stupid so i can kick his ass.

"I think you should leave." Gabriel says as he tries to jump in front of us. It's kind of hard though. We each are standing equal distance from him ready to attack. This douche back is stuck in a corner with no where to go.

"I"LL SHOW YOU A FUCKING FAIRY" Cas yells before he burst though to throw a punch.

CAs knocks the guy down before landing a few good punches him before me and Gabriel pulls him off the douche. We all yell for him, to stop while the guy gathers his footing. I don't know about Gabriel but it take all my strength to hold Cas back.

"Get the fuck out of here." Jo says as she gets in the guys face. She never gave him a minute collect his thoughts. Soon as he stood up she was in his face threaten him.

Now normally If a female and male went at it, i would think the male would win, but this time i am not so sure. I know Jo could kick his ass hands down. This guy just needs to get out of here before JO or CAs kick his ass.

"Fine" he says reading my mind.

"Fuck you" Jo yells as he walks out the yard to his car.

"Would anyone like to explain what that was about?" CAs ask once the guy is away from us.

"He called you and Dean a fag." Jo says loud and angry.

"What?" I say as i feel the blood in veins heat.

"Yeah he did but my Cotton tail here heard that shit. Once she heard that she was on him. Of course i couldn't just let him get in her face or call you guys hateful names." Wow even when Jo and Gabriel being mad at me they still won't let anybody disrespect me.

I got say it touches me in such a arm spot. They both were mad at this guy,. JO was yelling in his face while Gabriel yelled and put his hands on his. I saw him push this guy hard a couple times.

"You did that JO" I say looking at her.

"Of course i did. Nobody talks about my cousin or friend when i am around." I can't help but smile at her. I really thought she was mad at me.

"Thank you Jo" I say as i try to hug her but she stops me.

"Your welcome but I'm not trying to do this shit right now."

"Oh" I say thinking she is still mad.

"Right now i am trying to have a beer pong tournament"

"That's not a good idea. You know we are going to beat these suckers." Gabriel says as he points to both me and Cas.

"I guess that is an example of wishful thinking." Cas says.

""Oh you wish" Gabriel says as he Cas walk towards the house.

"I guess that means challenge accepted Jo says as she look it me.

"Are we good." I say as i move my finger in between us. I have to ask. We haven't really talked and the last time we talked we got into a fight.

"Try not to piss me off again." she says with a smile.

"I promise i won't" I say as i go to hug her.

"Yeah sure" she says as she accepts my hug.

"Hey are you guys done. I'm trying to wipe their ass." Gabriel yells as i look over to him and Cas.

We both say nothing as we share a look knowing we are going to win.

"Yeah we coming." I say as Cas gives me a wink.

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	28. Chapter 28 Dean

**Hello all and welcome to the end. Yes this is the end of part 2. But fear not I will be back with part 3 if you want it. **

**I just want to say thank you you guys so much for reading and sticking it out. You mean the world to me.**

**Thank you all for the reviews. **

**Thank you arkam for all your reviews. I know you want to know when the big secret will come out and all I have to say is it will come out when it is time. I know when and how it will come out. I just haven't gotten there yet.**

**Thank you Lilith for the review. I am so glad you like the story of us.**

**Okay I am done talking. **

**Here is the final chapter of part 2.**

** Please review on last time.**

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**Chapter 28 Dean**

Time's up. Cas is leaving tomorrow and I still having gotten him back. I really would kick my own ass if I didn't think that would be a waste of time. I can't afford anything getting in my way today. I have to talk to him and nothing will stop me. I am going to lock us in a room and let him yell, shout, kick, punch, or do whatever he has to do before he will take me back.

According to Gabriel I have less than twenty four to make my peace with him. All I need is ten. I am going to confess to him why I broke up with him and I guess we will take it from there. Now I am going to be realistic. I know we won't work everything out today but I'm pretty sure we will get on the right track. I know everything will work out right. Hell even Gabriel gave me his blessing in telling him the truth. Yeah I was shocked too, but apparently Jo talked so sense into him. I consider that a sign of good faith.

Okay enough babbling I am at Cas's bedroom door and I am about to go in. I just need my heart to return to my chest and then I will be cool. I been trying for five minutes but it isn't working. Guess I am going to talk with my heart in my throat.

"Okay times up Cas." I say as I crash though the door.  
"Dean." He says surprised to see me.

"Times up Cas." I say as I look around his room. He has everything already packed.

"I'm sorry." He says as he stands up from his bed to walk over towards me.

"Look I love you. I want you. I want to be with you and I have been trying to tell you something all summer but you just won't give me any real time Look I-"

I never got my sentence. He cut me off by grabbing me to kiss me for dear life. Oh god no matter how many times he kisses me I always get light headed.

"Damn it Cas stop." I say as I pull away from him. HE thinks he's slick but he not. I know all he is trying to do is distract me with sex. Well not this time. I am thinking with my big brain today.

"Stop what Dean. You look so sexy right now."

"Oh don't sweet talk me." I say as I try to control the flow of my blood.

"Just stating the truth,"

"Well if you want to speak the truth you can start by talking to me. I love you and I want you back. I need an answer. I need to tell you something."

"No you don't Dean. I don't need to hear that." He says as he backs up a little. I think he is starting to get a little uncomfortable.

"You do need to hear me out."

"No Dean I don't I choose not to hear you out." I think my heart might actually be cracking right now.

"Why not?" I say as I try to stay calm.

"I don't think I can handle it." He says as he sits on the edge if his bed.

"Why not?" I say as I sit down next to him. "Baby talk to me. I love you. I am here for you." I says as I turn his face towards me. He says nothing as he grabs my face and looks me in the eyes. "Talk to me." I beg as he holds my face.

"Losing you was one of the hardest things I had ever faced. When I read your letter my whole world stop and I just started falling. It felt like a black hole opened up and it just sucked me in. Everything in me was sucked out and I was left gasping for air. I actually thought I was drowning on dry land. I loved you so much that I think I actually loved you more than I loved myself. You are the best and worst thing that has ever happen to me."

"I don't understand Cas. So what are you saying." Right now I like I am falling in a balck hole. I am afraid I am going to lose him forever.

"I'm saying that we can never get back together. I couldn't handle it if I lost you again." Yeah I am defiantly starting to drown.

"Baby you won't. You won't lose me again. I promise you everything will be different. I will do whatever. I will follow you wherever. I love you. I can't imagine loving anybody else."

"And I You Dean, but we have to be realistic. We aren't meant to be."

"Don't say that." I say as I try to control myself. I think I want to break down and cry.

"Somebody has to say it." Nobody has to say it because it's not true.

"I can't not have you in my life."

"I feel the same way." Maybe I can turn this around.

"I don't understand. How can I be in your life but not be with you."

"We were friends once upon a time ago."

"Correction we were best friends."

"Yes that is true."

"Okay but I am still confused. Can you just tell me flat out what you are getting at because my heart is ready to burst through my chest."

"I need you in my life. We might not be meant to be but I know you are meant to be in my life. I can't be with you but I can be your bestie again."

"Really Cas, bestie. What are we middle school girls?" I say as I let out a small chuckle. Even at the worst times he still can make me laugh.

"Shut up Dean you know what I mean." He says trying his hardest not to smile.

"Fine, but I would like know what bought this on. Why couldn't you just tell me this at the beginning of the summer? Why couldn't you say something then?"

"You have to understand when I came back I was angry at you. I want to mess with your head as a way of revenge. I now know that was childish."

"Don't try and apologize. I put you though a lot. I think you were entitled to a little pay back."

"Yes I was but that is in the past. I want to void our romantic relationship and reinstate our friendship." Forget or relationship and just be friends. Oh god he is dumping me and using the let's be friends card. What the fuck? How did we become a cliché.

"SO you want to start all over again. Go back to square one and build from there." I'm not really asking I am just trying to wrap my head around it. It's hard to think when your heart is breaking in a million pieces.

"As long as that means that we agree to be friends from now on and forever."

What the fuck do I say to this? How do I handle just being his friend. Who else am I suppose to be with. I don't understand. How can he just want to be friends. Doesn't he love me the way he loves me. It sounds like he loves me. Oh wait a minute, maybe he still punishing me. Maybe he is testing me. Maybe we can start out as friends and grow from there. Hey it happen once. I'm sure we can do it again.

"Fine." I say a little to cool

"Fine?" he questions. I need to play this off right.

"You heard me. Having you in my life as a friend is better than not having you here at all. I need you in my life too." That is the god's honest truth. I messed up and I need to do my pennants.

"I'm glad you see it my way." For now.

"I do but I do have a condition though."

"A condition? What is it?" he ask as he turns his head to the side.

"Well, if we are only going to be friends than that means we can't do the nasty no more." Look I

"That's exactly what it means."

"Well my condition is we start being friends tomorrow."

"Tomorrow Dean. Why not now?"

"Well see the thing is. You are leaving in about fourteen hours and to be able to be your friend I need one more night with you."

"One more night." He says as I give him my million dollar smile.

"Yes, one more and tomorrow it is forgotten." I sya as I start to feel nervous again.

"I think I can manage that." He says before he grabs my face to give me the most amazing kiss ever.

"Yes one more night. One more night to get it out of our systems and once we wake up tomorrow, the clock is reset."

"Really"

"Yes so what you think."

"Well" he says like he is thinking.

With out a word he grabs my face to pull me into the greatest kiss we have ever shared so far.

"Take off your clothes." he commands after he breaks out kiss.

"Yes sir." I say as I stand up to take my clothes off.

**THE END**

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